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Horror Movies

Blackshirts BLVD

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The Lodge... Idk how I feel about this. It starts off with a band and I appreciate the twist and the ending, but I don't feel that is enough to make up for how the film dragged. This movie had some good moments, but felt like it sporadic and disconnected at times. Idk, I also don't really feel like talking about it too much lol.

Decent, could have been better. 5 out of 10.
starts off with a "bang" - damn it. Thought I was having some cute word play and I fucked it up lol.
 

returnofjakedog

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So I watched a little Canadian indie vampire comedy from 2009 called Suck yesterday. I've been intrigued by it for quite awhile now, due largely to the cast, which includes Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins, Moby, Dave Foley, and Malcom McDowell, and the concept of a long failing rock band getting a shot at fame after their bass chick gets vampified.


The ironically named "The Winners" are playing the east Canada circuit but are unable to gain any breakthrough traction. Things appear to be coming to an end (they are all sleeping in the band's road hearse because they can't afford a hotel room) when their bassist returns from a party having been turned into a vampire. She is now enthralling to the audiences and it moves them towards a superstar breakout. But many complications, like eating various people, makes the situation a bit dicey at best. All of this while being pursued by vampire slayer Eddie Van Helsing (played by Malcom McDowell. Note that I find the character name lazy, but a little funny). Will they choose evil and fame, or righteousness and obscurity? Well, either way there will be a body count.

All in all, a bit of a mixed bag.

The good:
*Rock actors! The main reason I wanted to see it was the appearances of the rock gods and that was generally a lot of fun. Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, and Henry Rollins were all fun in their roles and were given a bit of time. The best part of the whole movie (imo) was Moby, a vegan and anti-violence advocate, who played Beef, the most popular metal singer on the Buffalo scene. He pours blood and meat onto himself while performing a decent metal tune called Still Bleeding. He also meets a nasty end.

*Humor- it is a 2009 movie so the Twilight jokes are pretty evident. But the movie does manage to keep a pretty comedic feel to it. But it was the 6 or 8 moments during the movie where I actually burst out laughing that make this a positive for me.
A shout out to the guy who played Hugo, the band's roadie and Renfield equivalent, who was pretty hilarious at times.

*The ambience- they filmed all of the music scenes in actual music/bars and used real goth scene folks as extras, which gives it a kinda realistic feel (it is a stretch since the movie itself isn't based in any reality).

*The stop motion cut scenes were kinda cool.

The bad:
*The flow of the story is slow and just kinda meanders around. No real feel of any tension despite the band's inner fighting in regards to fame vs eating folks. There is a bit too much whining about the situation instead of action.

*Characters. The characters weren't given a lot of personality. The surface level comedy dialog probably didn't help much.

*The finale. I get where they were going with it but it comes off like a shrug and "whatever". I didn't like it.

The Mixed Bag:
*The music.
Some great stuff in the soundtrack, including some Iggy and Alice songs (but no Henry Rollins stuff) :( Also Velvet Underground, David Bowie. But the originals were a mixed bag at best. The main (The Winners) group's stuff is milquetoast indie goth wannabe stuff that misses more than it hits, including one of their better songs whose verse music structures are a blatant rip-off of Jane's Addiction's Ocean Size. There are some interesting songs, such as the Secretaries of Steak (with Moby) song I previously mentioned, and I thought some of the main vampire stuff was ok despite looking like a Marilyn Manson rip off videos. But the Sympathy for the Devil cover is one of my least fav version ever.
My complaint on this is that on one hand you have some legendary musicians and some great songs in it, but on the other hand the originals are largely toothless indie sub-goth stuff that was just forgetful.

*The gore. There is some throat slashing, and flesh munching but it feels rather sanitized compared to what could have been a positive.

I'll go a 6 to 6.5 out of 10 range and that is with a personal bonus point awarded for enjoying the rock stars involvement in it.

Note that this is very much a comedy first movie. It falls somewhere inbetween the great What We Do in the Shadows and the horrible Vampire Suck! Watch if you want to see a the stars chewing low budget scenery and enjoy the rock life feel.
 

FaCe-LeE-uS

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Yeah and the years have not been too kind to her. She isn't hideous, just expected better lol.
Yea that movie was a tough one... Slow. Honestly don't remember a lot about it other than Alicia dying and little else...
My review: Horror Movies
 

returnofjakedog

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So I watched a little Canadian indie vampire comedy from 2009 called Suck yesterday. I've been intrigued by it for quite awhile now, due largely to the cast, which includes Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins, Moby, Dave Foley, and Malcom McDowell, and the concept of a long failing rock band getting a shot at fame after their bass chick gets vampified.


The ironically named "The Winners" are playing the east Canada circuit but are unable to gain any breakthrough traction. Things appear to be coming to an end (they are all sleeping in the band's road hearse because they can't afford a hotel room) when their bassist returns from a party having been turned into a vampire. She is now enthralling to the audiences and it moves them towards a superstar breakout. But many complications, like eating various people, makes the situation a bit dicey at best. All of this while being pursued by vampire slayer Eddie Van Helsing (played by Malcom McDowell. Note that I find the character name lazy, but a little funny). Will they choose evil and fame, or righteousness and obscurity? Well, either way there will be a body count.

All in all, a bit of a mixed bag.

The good:
*Rock actors! The main reason I wanted to see it was the appearances of the rock gods and that was generally a lot of fun. Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, and Henry Rollins were all fun in their roles and were given a bit of time. The best part of the whole movie (imo) was Moby, a vegan and anti-violence advocate, who played Beef, the most popular metal singer on the Buffalo scene. He pours blood and meat onto himself while performing a decent metal tune called Still Bleeding. He also meets a nasty end.

*Humor- it is a 2009 movie so the Twilight jokes are pretty evident. But the movie does manage to keep a pretty comedic feel to it. But it was the 6 or 8 moments during the movie where I actually burst out laughing that make this a positive for me.
A shout out to the guy who played Hugo, the band's roadie and Renfield equivalent, who was pretty hilarious at times.

*The ambience- they filmed all of the music scenes in actual music/bars and used real goth scene folks as extras, which gives it a kinda realistic feel (it is a stretch since the movie itself isn't based in any reality).

*The stop motion cut scenes were kinda cool.

The bad:
*The flow of the story is slow and just kinda meanders around. No real feel of any tension despite the band's inner fighting in regards to fame vs eating folks. There is a bit too much whining about the situation instead of action.

*Characters. The characters weren't given a lot of personality. The surface level comedy dialog probably didn't help much.

*The finale. I get where they were going with it but it comes off like a shrug and "whatever". I didn't like it.

The Mixed Bag:
*The music.
Some great stuff in the soundtrack, including some Iggy and Alice songs (but no Henry Rollins stuff) :( Also Velvet Underground, David Bowie. But the originals were a mixed bag at best. The main (The Winners) group's stuff is milquetoast indie goth wannabe stuff that misses more than it hits, including one of their better songs whose verse music structures are a blatant rip-off of Jane's Addiction's Ocean Size. There are some interesting songs, such as the Secretaries of Steak (with Moby) song I previously mentioned, and I thought some of the main vampire stuff was ok despite looking like a Marilyn Manson rip off videos. But the Sympathy for the Devil cover is one of my least fav version ever.
My complaint on this is that on one hand you have some legendary musicians and some great songs in it, but on the other hand the originals are largely toothless indie sub-goth stuff that was just forgetful.

*The gore. There is some throat slashing, and flesh munching but it feels rather sanitized compared to what could have been a positive.

I'll go a 6 to 6.5 out of 10 range and that is with a personal bonus point awarded for enjoying the rock stars involvement in it.

Note that this is very much a comedy first movie. It falls somewhere inbetween the great What We Do in the Shadows and the horrible Vampire Suck! Watch if you want to see a the stars chewing low budget scenery and enjoy the rock life feel.
Another "I forgot......." follow-up post:

Alex Lifeson, the guitarist from Rush has a damn funny turn as a border guard!
 

Blackshirts BLVD

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Just watched Deerskin on HBO. Spoilers below.

It is a foreign film, whole movie is in french. It is about a man that is having a middle life crisis/ mental breakdown and goes off to buy a deerskin jacket. The rest is basically spoilers lol.

From there he basically slips into madness having conversations with the jacket where it is learned that Georges dream is to be the only person in the world with a jacket.... annnnnnd it is the jackets dream to be the only jacket in the world. He was given a camcorder with the jacket and tells people he is a filmmaker to sound cool. So he basically starts making a film, but in reality all he is doing is paying and/or killing people to get them to take off their jackets. The film is only like 75 minutes long and still drags a bit, but the last 30 or so minutes (didn't really keep track) is when it basically turns into a slasher film for a brief moment. Comes with a funny little 'that's what you get' ending.

The acting is meh, but we have also all seen stuff like this done better. No real production value to worry about other than the slasher effects (which you don't really see anything), the story is obviously ridiculous but I suppose it works. There isn't really a back story to really explain why any of this is happening other than a brief call to his wife and we learn his marriage is falling apart. There is a subtle message in there about how the jackets are our shells to protect us, but not much is said on it lol. I hesitate to even call this horror as there isn't much suspense or build up, plus you don't really care about anyone in the movie lol, but it is in HBOs horror section and again... it basically turns into a slasher flick where he uses a sharpened ceiling fan blade. So whatevs... knowing what I know now, I would probably pass on it, but you do you.

4 out of 10.
 

Taddy Mason

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One of the best Tales from the Crypt episodes is the Christmas episode where a lady kills her husband, only to be hunted down by a lunatic Santa. It is titled "And All Through The House". I recommend it.
i'll have to check it out. i don't recall it. i'm trying to think of a movie that might have taken place around Christmas where a guy goes into a pub or bed and breakfast type joint where it's obvious he's the target to all of those around him, but the tables were turned, don't think that's what you're describing.
 

Taddy Mason

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Watched Don't Listen (aka Voices) on Netflix. It was decent, definitely worth a watch. I felt like they almost had it but let their foot off the gas. Haunted house setting, kept moving so not many lulls. Questionable horror movie logic was leaned on heavily to move things along.
saw it promoted when it was first out, haven't gotten around to it yet. also need to watch his house. hope one of them hits. wasn't as high on that ghosts of war movie that came out, also guess i need to check out this alice in borderland series.
 

Taddy Mason

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I just saw Cannibal Holocaust for the first time. I do not really understand all the hype.

I suppose it was obscenely violent for its time, but as someone who grew up in rural America, even the authentic animal killing did not really disturb me that match, as I understand nature is not all sunshine and rainbows. Plus, there's probably worse nowadays on National Geographic.

Though the overall graphic and sexual violence was fairly extensive, based on what I've read, I was expecting some unholy combination of "Debbie Does Dallas" and "Saw." It just was not cringing, head turning stuff for me, and I've seen movies that have that effect on me.

Also, the characters kind of ruin the movie for me. The four people in the documentary are just so obnoxious and ignorant, spending days violently tormenting the native tribe for no reason.

They're so unlikable and deserving of what's coming that there's no suspense or emotional weight attached to their demise at the end.

It was fairly good for what it was, but even for its time, there were a lot of scarier and overall better horror films.

I think it's way overrated in terms of the standing it's generally given in horror.
you're not wrong. thing a lot of those 70s era movies get overhyped (I think this came out in 80), just not good all around. granted, i'm also not a fan of the hyped giallo horror movies, though i think that's because a lot of it is fulci, which i really don't get the appeal of. i'm on board for argento and some bava, just never got fulci. maybe i just don't like fulci.
 

Taddy Mason

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Watched The Love Witch (2016), a kinda bizarre ode to 60's/early 70s British-ish films (think Hammer, kinda, sorta), and female empowerment.


Elaine is cruising down the coast and expostion monologing about her ex- husband who died and her attempt to reboot her life. Oh, and they beat you over the head lots of stuff about her being a wiccan/witch.
She gets an apartment in quaint little town where she hangs out with other witches (her coven I guess?), and makes lots of potions and performs rituals all with the goal of finding a man to love, and to love her.
She seduces various men but none of them seem to fit her vision of perfect love. She continues in this manner until she reaches a conclusion that satisfies her.
Overall it is an interesting but flawed film that that explores a lot of ground on fem-power themes. I did enjoy it on some levels but it wasn't a standard horror movie and it really wasn't scary in the strictest sense (except the really hot chick's craziness should scare anyone who has had to deal with bad relationship insanity).

The good:
*They really went full into using colors and ambience to create a specific atmosphere. I would compare it to Midsommer in that sense but it lacks the awesome cinematography of that movie. Not that the cinematography is bad here, just that the colors and sets are the priority.
*The story. It is an interesting and unique story.
*The dialog can also be unique and interesting but can also be forced and clunky. I am a bit split on this but I think that it is an overall positive.
*The conclusion. Again, it is a bit weak in some ways and confusing in others. But I liked it enough to be a positive.

The bad:
*Some of the acting is decent but there is a lot of rather poor acting also. I feel this is because the film does better than expected (due to budget) in other areas that it raised expectations that the actors generally were not able to meet.
*As noted, many aspects are a bit of a mixed bag. Thus things I listed as positives, like dialog and conclusion for example, can also be somewhat negative (if that makes any sense).
*The lead just kinda meanders around spouting exposition dialog for the whole movie. It works in the sense of her character development but it can be kind of a slog over the 2 hour run time.
*Though technically a horror movie, it was never scary to me with the exception of a little chill at the conclusion.

@Chef99 's nude-o-meter is also a mixed bag. Lots of nudity in this and not just boobies. But this is typically displayed in the Wicca ritual circle whose membership ranges from kinda, sorta hottish to kinda schlubby. Oh, and it is a fairly even split on female/male full frontal just to make things even more....well...
Sadly the smoking hot lead who goes around trying to seduce and screw all of these men (the entire point of the story) obviously had a no nudity clause in her contract. Only once in all of her (non)nude and sex scenes does a nipple kinda peak through her drapping hair. Additionally, the other hottest women in this also do not get naked even though they are often strippers, dancers, or even hanging with the other nude wiccan folk.
I know it seems like a weird complaint but to have so much nudity but blatantly leave out ALL of (both men and women) the most "visually appealing" people is just a strange decision, particularly in a movie where sexuality, and empowerment are the main themes. To attack these subjects in the manner they do but specifically leave out a bunch of people makes the split stand out in a bad way. If your gonna go this direction then go full on Matilda May in Lifeforce, or just don't do it at all.

Conclusion: I thought it was an interesting film that exceeded it's budget limitations in many ways. The sets, the use of color, the interesting approach to the themes, the conclusion, etc were all very good and I understand why the movie is critically acclaimed. But the divide in the good/bad acting, dialog, and even the nudity/non-nudity all brought it down a bit.

I'll go 5.5 to 6 out of 10 range. An interesting premise but a good yet flawed execution on many levels. The scariest part of the movie is the lead's life philosophies, and how she tries to achieve her goals. But it all moves a bit slow and it is more psychological horror I guess?? Certainly trying to be more thought provoking than shocking or scary.
It is one of those movies that is more appreciated by critics (96% Rotton Tomatoes, 82% metacritic on IMDB) than movie going public (6.2 out of 10 on IMDB) if that clarifies anything.
I respect the fact the Anna Biller pretty much did every thing in the making of this movie from the writing, directing, producing, costumes, etc... loved the colors and the lead really did it for me. i don't disagree with you're overall rating, i fell for her spell.
 

Taddy Mason

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Great cast.
But I thought it was pretty flat.
that's how i feel after watching most jarmusch films. at best i'm like, alright, that was cool, but for the most pat it's like, yeah you had a cool line or two that makes it seem better than it was. feel his first few flicks were his best and it just went downhill from there. guess having cool hair and quoting others works gets you far in hollywood at times. i just don't see his appeal.
 

Nasty_Magician

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saw it promoted when it was first out, haven't gotten around to it yet. also need to watch his house. hope one of them hits. wasn't as high on that ghosts of war movie that came out, also guess i need to check out this alice in borderland series.
Regarding Alice in Borderland, definitely starts out more horrresque and morphs into a thriller more actiony kind of series so if you're looking to be terrified you will be disappointed.
 

returnofjakedog

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i'll have to check it out. i don't recall it. i'm trying to think of a movie that might have taken place around Christmas where a guy goes into a pub or bed and breakfast type joint where it's obvious he's the target to all of those around him, but the tables were turned, don't think that's what you're describing.
Here is the Tales from the Crypt episode:


I'll see if I can figure out what the other one you mention is.
 

Blackshirts BLVD

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Underwater.... SPOILERS BELOW!! I hadn't watched the trailer or anything, so I knew nothing coming in annnd I really want to like this movie, but I have a lot of problems with it. From the characters and writing to the science as well. It starts off with our protagonist brushing her teeth while a bunch of bangs and booms are going on. She looks worried, but does nothing... like wtf. You know how deep you are, you should know how serious ANYTHING out of the norm would be, but no... she just casually continues brushing and then we see a spider. How in the fuck would a spider have made it or even be there in the first place is just stupid. Basically implying that someone knowingly or unknowingly brought it down... whatever, just a silly rant.

Anyway it appears that this is going to be a survival film, but takes a turn into a creature feature. From this point on I got the feeling they were trying to be Alien under the water.... and I actually think it would have been better if they tried it that way, but no, there are a ton of more creatures and even a knockoff Cthulhu meets Kaiju from Pacific Rim at the end. The acting is pretty decent, I think roles like this are better for Stewart. She needs to find her inner Ripley and stop with other shit lol. TJ Miller provides some decent laughs, Cassel is solid. It tries on jumpscares, but nothing really works. The most thrilling moments were trekking through imploding parts of the ship. Production... the CGI isn't fantastic, but it is dark so it gets away with some of it. The ship, the suits, etc... all look good. The writing and story are a bit frustrating... as a whole, I see lots of potential, but as it played out... not that great. Its attempts at backstories were really weak and honestly pointless. There is a moment near the beginning where two people briefly discuss what they do here, I thought it was as a set up for how each would become useful throughout the film... well that never happened. Seemed like merely a way for us to know how our protagonist is capable of unlocking doors :L . But that is my point, it was wasted potential. The addition of so many creatures and then the mega monsters at the end just seemed like overkill. They survive explosions, implosions, wreckage/debris raining down, an impossible voyage, doing practically impossible feats in real life, then you throw in a new creature, then you throw in a bunch of new creatures..., then you throw in Cthulu... then you throw in suit damage and oxygen issues... like c'mon man lol. I like it when characters have to overcome adversity, but damn. Then you finish it all off with a monologuing martyr :rolleyes2:.

Idk if anyone bothered to read the headlines in the credits, but it is definitely open to a sequel lol.

I kinda ranted a bit. There was potential, but it never played out. I give it a 5.5 out of 10. Could have been a 7 if it brought the reigns in a little with the story and made us care about some of the characters.
 

Blackshirts BLVD

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Underwater I think would've been a better movie without the monster thrown in and if they used the whole claustrophobia factor of crawling through tight spaces. They could've just done away with the monster and made it a story about an underwater mining crew experiencing a catastrophe, but I guess it'd be too closely linked to Deepwater Horizon.

I am a HUGE advocate of creature features... studios for some reason want to constantly push the 'paranormal' (prob. because it's cheap) which is boring as F IMO because it's always accompanied with a loud 'boom' noise and cheap 'scares'. That said, I'm going to going to give Underwater a 4/10, I was really hoping for something decent, but this movie just disappointed on so many levels. Outside of the Aliens clone job, it was just... not fun. Deep Rising was a blast from start to finish. Abyss was revolutionary in terms of the CGI, and Leviathan while a rip of Alien gets a free pass because it was so long ago.

I basically spaced out for a good 20+ minutes on Underwater and was browsing the Internet while it was playing in the background.
I think we are on similar wavelengths with this. It could have been so much better with so much less.
 

returnofjakedog

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Underwater.... SPOILERS BELOW!! I hadn't watched the trailer or anything, so I knew nothing coming in annnd I really want to like this movie, but I have a lot of problems with it. From the characters and writing to the science as well. It starts off with our protagonist brushing her teeth while a bunch of bangs and booms are going on. She looks worried, but does nothing... like wtf. You know how deep you are, you should know how serious ANYTHING out of the norm would be, but no... she just casually continues brushing and then we see a spider. How in the fuck would a spider have made it or even be there in the first place is just stupid. Basically implying that someone knowingly or unknowingly brought it down... whatever, just a silly rant.

Anyway it appears that this is going to be a survival film, but takes a turn into a creature feature. From this point on I got the feeling they were trying to be Alien under the water.... and I actually think it would have been better if they tried it that way, but no, there are a ton of more creatures and even a knockoff Cthulhu meets Kaiju from Pacific Rim at the end. The acting is pretty decent, I think roles like this are better for Stewart. She needs to find her inner Ripley and stop with other shit lol. TJ Miller provides some decent laughs, Cassel is solid. It tries on jumpscares, but nothing really works. The most thrilling moments were trekking through imploding parts of the ship. Production... the CGI isn't fantastic, but it is dark so it gets away with some of it. The ship, the suits, etc... all look good. The writing and story are a bit frustrating... as a whole, I see lots of potential, but as it played out... not that great. Its attempts at backstories were really weak and honestly pointless. There is a moment near the beginning where two people briefly discuss what they do here, I thought it was as a set up for how each would become useful throughout the film... well that never happened. Seemed like merely a way for us to know how our protagonist is capable of unlocking doors :L . But that is my point, it was wasted potential. The addition of so many creatures and then the mega monsters at the end just seemed like overkill. They survive explosions, implosions, wreckage/debris raining down, an impossible voyage, doing practically impossible feats in real life, then you throw in a new creature, then you throw in a bunch of new creatures..., then you throw in Cthulu... then you throw in suit damage and oxygen issues... like c'mon man lol. I like it when characters have to overcome adversity, but damn. Then you finish it all off with a monologuing martyr :rolleyes2:.

Idk if anyone bothered to read the headlines in the credits, but it is definitely open to a sequel lol.

I kinda ranted a bit. There was potential, but it never played out. I give it a 5.5 out of 10. Could have been a 7 if it brought the reigns in a little with the story and made us care about some of the characters.
Just watched it during my workout today. I can't disagree much with your review.

The weird thing is that it felt like it was only about 40 minutes long to me because of the lack of storyline. If they really wanted to replicate the feel of Alien, they could have given us some time and character interaction before just jumping into the middle of crisis mode.

*I've always hated Kristen Stewart's "acting" as she is infamous for having only 1 facial expression and being very bad at conveying any discernable emotion, but...........she isn't bad in this! Her performance actually had a little depth and nuance. It is the best I've seen from her, but that isn't really saying a lot. Of course her butch blonde look isn't doing it for me, but that is another subject.

*The creatures- So as @Blackshirts BLVD noted these are not Alien type creatures, but are very much Lovecraft influenced. I actually generally liked them. The cgi was, again as already noted, a bit too much but it was dark and the shots were quick.

*The scenes just blurred together with little differentiation from one to the other. It needed a complete script overhaul. It is action horror but it doesn't flow well and neither the action nor the horror stood out. The character development attempts came off as thin and squeezed in.

I'd go 5 out of 10.

Ok. Now my personal rant:
*I was a subsea engineer for 8.5 years. No one builds an undersea facility like that for oil extraction. It would be very, very, very prohibitative expense. The offshore platforms are pricey enough and something like the undersea base they had here would cost 100x that. To top it off, they had a still equipped and powered "deserted" station near them. This is stupid because anyone that builds such subsea structures are wholly responsible to decommission and dismantle every single screw, let alone just leave everything sitting there.
-I know it doesn't directly effect the story but it stuck in my craw!
 

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Underwater.... SPOILERS BELOW!! I hadn't watched the trailer or anything, so I knew nothing coming in annnd I really want to like this movie, but I have a lot of problems with it. From the characters and writing to the science as well. It starts off with our protagonist brushing her teeth while a bunch of bangs and booms are going on. She looks worried, but does nothing... like wtf. You know how deep you are, you should know how serious ANYTHING out of the norm would be, but no... she just casually continues brushing and then we see a spider. How in the fuck would a spider have made it or even be there in the first place is just stupid. Basically implying that someone knowingly or unknowingly brought it down... whatever, just a silly rant.

Anyway it appears that this is going to be a survival film, but takes a turn into a creature feature. From this point on I got the feeling they were trying to be Alien under the water.... and I actually think it would have been better if they tried it that way, but no, there are a ton of more creatures and even a knockoff Cthulhu meets Kaiju from Pacific Rim at the end. The acting is pretty decent, I think roles like this are better for Stewart. She needs to find her inner Ripley and stop with other shit lol. TJ Miller provides some decent laughs, Cassel is solid. It tries on jumpscares, but nothing really works. The most thrilling moments were trekking through imploding parts of the ship. Production... the CGI isn't fantastic, but it is dark so it gets away with some of it. The ship, the suits, etc... all look good. The writing and story are a bit frustrating... as a whole, I see lots of potential, but as it played out... not that great. Its attempts at backstories were really weak and honestly pointless. There is a moment near the beginning where two people briefly discuss what they do here, I thought it was as a set up for how each would become useful throughout the film... well that never happened. Seemed like merely a way for us to know how our protagonist is capable of unlocking doors :L . But that is my point, it was wasted potential. The addition of so many creatures and then the mega monsters at the end just seemed like overkill. They survive explosions, implosions, wreckage/debris raining down, an impossible voyage, doing practically impossible feats in real life, then you throw in a new creature, then you throw in a bunch of new creatures..., then you throw in Cthulu... then you throw in suit damage and oxygen issues... like c'mon man lol. I like it when characters have to overcome adversity, but damn. Then you finish it all off with a monologuing martyr :rolleyes2:.

Idk if anyone bothered to read the headlines in the credits, but it is definitely open to a sequel lol.

I kinda ranted a bit. There was potential, but it never played out. I give it a 5.5 out of 10. Could have been a 7 if it brought the reigns in a little with the story and made us care about some of the characters.

Just watched it during my workout today. I can't disagree much with your review.

The weird thing is that it felt like it was only about 40 minutes long to me because of the lack of storyline. If they really wanted to replicate the feel of Alien, they could have given us some time and character interaction before just jumping into the middle of crisis mode.

*I've always hated Kristen Stewart's "acting" as she is infamous for having only 1 facial expression and being very bad at conveying any discernable emotion, but...........she isn't bad in this! Her performance actually had a little depth and nuance. It is the best I've seen from her, but that isn't really saying a lot. Of course her butch blonde look isn't doing it for me, but that is another subject.

*The creatures- So as @Blackshirts BLVD noted these are not Alien type creatures, but are very much Lovecraft influenced. I actually generally liked them. The cgi was, again as already noted, a bit too much but it was dark and the shots were quick.

*The scenes just blurred together with little differentiation from one to the other. It needed a complete script overhaul. It is action horror but it doesn't flow well and neither the action nor the horror stood out. The character development attempts came off as thin and squeezed in.

I'd go 5 out of 10.

Ok. Now my personal rant:
*I was a subsea engineer for 8.5 years. No one builds an undersea facility like that for oil extraction. It would be very, very, very prohibitative expense. The offshore platforms are pricey enough and something like the undersea base they had here would cost 100x that. To top it off, they had a still equipped and powered "deserted" station near them. This is stupid because anyone that builds such subsea structures are wholly responsible to decommission and dismantle every single screw, let alone just leave everything sitting there.
-I know it doesn't directly effect the story but it stuck in my craw!
Good writeups gents. I had to go dig my review up (Horror Movies) just to remember my thoughts... Yea not much to remember. Looks like we all gave it a 5ish.
 

Sharkonabicycle

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Just watched it during my workout today. I can't disagree much with your review.

The weird thing is that it felt like it was only about 40 minutes long to me because of the lack of storyline. If they really wanted to replicate the feel of Alien, they could have given us some time and character interaction before just jumping into the middle of crisis mode.

*I've always hated Kristen Stewart's "acting" as she is infamous for having only 1 facial expression and being very bad at conveying any discernable emotion, but...........she isn't bad in this! Her performance actually had a little depth and nuance. It is the best I've seen from her, but that isn't really saying a lot. Of course her butch blonde look isn't doing it for me, but that is another subject.

*The creatures- So as @Blackshirts BLVD noted these are not Alien type creatures, but are very much Lovecraft influenced. I actually generally liked them. The cgi was, again as already noted, a bit too much but it was dark and the shots were quick.

*The scenes just blurred together with little differentiation from one to the other. It needed a complete script overhaul. It is action horror but it doesn't flow well and neither the action nor the horror stood out. The character development attempts came off as thin and squeezed in.

I'd go 5 out of 10.

Ok. Now my personal rant:
*I was a subsea engineer for 8.5 years. No one builds an undersea facility like that for oil extraction. It would be very, very, very prohibitative expense. The offshore platforms are pricey enough and something like the undersea base they had here would cost 100x that. To top it off, they had a still equipped and powered "deserted" station near them. This is stupid because anyone that builds such subsea structures are wholly responsible to decommission and dismantle every single screw, let alone just leave everything sitting there.
-I know it doesn't directly effect the story but it stuck in my craw!

That's interesting on your personal rant and experience as a subsea engineer. I figured it was far fetched but have never really heard from someone with expertise. How many stories down do underwater facilities typically go these days? Like I think Deep Blue Sea was a couple hundred feet? Is that at all realistic?
 

FaCe-LeE-uS

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Also watched Bite, a relatively low budget horror flick about a chick who has her bachelorette party down south in the tropics, and gets bit by something while swimming in pond.

She returns home with some doubts about going through with the wedding due to the bitchy mother in law. But that turns into the least of her problems as she starts devolving into an insect/reptile creature.

Slime, webs, and caviar abound as she slowly goes full on monster and turns her apartment into a death nest. A pretty cool little flick, but I couldn't quite understand why she just didn't go see a doctor way early on!

Drive In Academy Award nominations for Elma Begavic as Casey who turns into a pus filled, twitchy, acid spewing, thhroat slashing, reptilian bride to be, Annette Wozniak as her slutty friend Jill who says "It's really not that bad. People always get sick after vacations.", Lawene Denkers as the mother in law for just being a horrible bitch, and Jordan Gray as the fiance who has no problem dicking his fiance's friend without any protection just after pissing blood (I mean, why should that stop your fun?)!

This one starts slow. In fact it was pretty damn boring, but the second half was pretty damn cool. A good showing considering the budget. I'll go 6.5 overall.

Finally crossed this one off my list! Only took me almost 3 years since you posted about it!

When the movie ended my wife asked me, "so are you done drinking?" because I hadn't gotten up to go fill up another since the movie began. I was very enthralled in this movie lol. The practical effects were awesome. All the oozing and squelching... lol. So many moments that made me want to vomit but so awesome!

I agree that the beginning was absurd that she refused to go get that bite checked by a doctor. Right after the fiancé had the pus burst out all over his hand I thought she had to go get that checked lol.... Or when she was routinely vomiting or waking up in bath tubs covered in what looked like olive oil. But no... It wasn't until she was basting her bed sheets with eggs did she finally call the doctor. LMAO. And even then it only looked like she went to the pharmacy to get some antiseptics instead of going to a doctor. Ridiculous. Elma Begavic was phenomenal though. That head tilt & clicking was frightening.

The story definitely took a long time to get going, and was largely lacking. But the transformation made it worth the wait.
 

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That's interesting on your personal rant and experience as a subsea engineer. I figured it was far fetched but have never really heard from someone with expertise. How many stories down do underwater facilities typically go these days? Like I think Deep Blue Sea was a couple hundred feet? Is that at all realistic?
Well, my experience is specific to subsea oil and gas extraction systems. For those you have divers and ROVs do the vast majority of any underwater work and the control systems are all above sea level, typically in the large to giant offshore rigs.

I am not an expert, even after the 8.5 year, as it was a large company and I was a cog in the gears as an instrumentation specialist. So I was working with subsupplier manufacturers to incorporate sensors, valves, meters, etc, etc into the systems. Additionally the expertise to design subsea habitats was not something I ever had to deal with since subsea oil extraction doesn't make underwater habitats for their systems! As far as I know, there are no such structures existing as the cost would be enormous and unnecessary since you can do everything except some rare physical repairs from above sea level control systems.

Since the cost of shutting down an oil field to affect repairs is absolutely enormous and the subsea repairs can be quite complicated, the systems are usually spec'd for 25 to 30 year lifespans with double redundancy on any possible failure/error points (for example: if you have a valve break on a Texas desert rig you just get a new one, shut down the line for 15 minutes and perform the install. On the same situation on a subsea would require many hours (and possibly millions in time revenue) and have to be done in a hostile environment by ROVs and divers. Plus you need the specific replacement parts that require the correct materials, coatings, even fasteners, etc in addition to all of the actual sensor and operational functions. Everything is overbuilt/over-engineered.

So, the facility in Underwater isn't reality and exists only as a plot device to make a point about the potential dangers of screwing with Mother Nature.

You mention Deep Blue Sea. That was a scientific research facility. While I can't claim expertise there, I can say that generally speaking it is also a fictional fabrication. The actual underwater habitats that I am aware of are essentially large skids with a bunch of individual metal capsules on them which are built above ground and lowered into place. While they will be anchored to the bottom, they are not technically permanent in the sense that detaching any foundation anchors can allow them to be moved, even lifted entirely out of the sea. So this lends to reason that it is more like being in a spaceship: a small, contained environment. No large concrete walkways, or huge open structures.

Look at it like this: Underwater environments are much like outerspace with some of the main differences being that outerspace has vacuum pressure, while undersea has exponential pressure by depth, and the corrosive elements of the water environments.

So even with the possible scientific research applications, it would be rare to ever have any permanent subsea personal structures at any significant depth ever. The pressures you are dealing with, the corrosive environment, the inability to guarantee the stability of the foundation, and the lack of necessity to keep the personal at these depths, etc makes this fiction (I'm sure there are rare exceptions). Just build your surface structure with a conduit to the depths if that is somehow necessary instead of trying to way overbuild a structure that can withstand the depths for decades.

Sorry about the rambling. I should have condensed it more. But I do enjoy sharing what little knowledge I do have.
 
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