OT: Bullshitting at the Barbershop

[puckhead]

oh that sucks.
his version of the Aristocrats joke was an all-timer

you always knew a sit-com was about to take a turn when he appeared.

 

[dash]

oh that sucks.
his version of the Aristocrats joke was an all-timer

you always knew a sit-com was about to take a turn when he appeared.

Dunking on Joan Rivers here...

 

[puckhead]

a friend just reminded me that I once wrote a blues song based on one of his jokes.
the abridged version of the joke:

A guy gets a hooker, brings her up to his room.
She excuses herself to freshen up in the bathroom, and when she comes out she finds him on the bed masturbating furiously.
She says "what the hell, aren't you paying me for sex?"
He says, "yeah, but for $200, you're not getting the easy one!"

 

[forty_three]

I heard him tell this one on a radio show a long time ago. The bleeper missed it, which made it funnier.

Little Johnny asks his mother where babies come from....his mother says well Johnny, the stork brings them....Johnny looks up at his mother and says 'well who fucks the stork?

 

[Comeds]

Edited by a moderator at user's request.

 

[thedddd]

Another classic from Gilbert

 

[Comeds]

I've been kind of down lately, worried about the world, finances, and my job. Last night I realized that I cannot change everything, but what I could do is go see a midnight showing of Father Stu. I did not really have any money so I had to head to east Baltimore to try to ***k a couple of ***ks for a few a few bucks but it was worth it. What a film!



Edit - WTF mods? You censored "hock a couple of books" and now it sounds awful! Why? Why? Why? Why?

 

[dare2be]

Edit - WTF mods? You censored "hock a couple of books" and now it sounds awful! Why? Why? Why? Why?

With all the book bannings going on, we felt it was apropos.

 

[thedddd]

 

[dash]

I'm old enough to remember this commercial...

 

[dare2be]

I'm old enough to remember this commercial...

And you thought to yourself, "kids today..."

 

[forty_three]

And you thought to yourself, "kids today..."

"Damn newfangled moving pictures"

 

[puckhead]

 

[thedddd]

 

[Comeds]

This is ridiculous. All morning long I had daydreams of a lunch date with the Sugar Bear. But what did I find in my pantry (pauntry in Canada)? This shit! Shop Rite Bear? What the fuck?

Unacceptable. Oh I am sure my wife will say they are "just as good". But they wont be. Oh no they wont be. Thats it, taking my dog to the pound and picking up another random brown dog. And I am going to name it Shop Rite Bear dog. And when my wife is upset and wonders what happened I will tell her Shop Rite Bear dog is just as good as our normal dog.
If she agrees and apologizes maybe I will see if our dog is still there next week.

 

[dash]

Preach it, Harry.

 

[Comeds]

This is ridiculous. All morning long I had daydreams of a lunch date with the Sugar Bear. But what did I find in my pantry (pauntry in Canada)? This shit! Shop Rite Bear? What the fuck?

Unacceptable. Oh I am sure my wife will say they are "just as good". But they wont be. Oh no they wont be. Thats it, taking my dog to the pound and picking up another random brown dog. And I am going to name it Shop Rite Bear dog. And when my wife is upset and wonders what happened I will tell her Shop Rite Bear dog is just as good as our normal dog.
If she agrees and apologizes maybe I will see if our dog is still there next week.

Also Shop Rite Bear is what my Tinder profile lists me as. And what I'm seeking.

 

[Comeds]

 

[buffhockey]

No need to twist your body or move monitor..

On Windows:
Ctrl-Alt-Down Arrow to flip screen upside down
Ctrl-Alt-Up Arrow to flip screen right side up
Ctrl-Alt-Left Arrow to turn screen left
Ctrl-Alt-right Arrow to turn screen right

 

[jstewismybastardson]

No need to twist your body or move monitor..

On Windows:
Ctrl-Alt-Down Arrow to flip screen upside down
Ctrl-Alt-Up Arrow to flip screen right side up
Ctrl-Alt-Left Arrow to turn screen left
Ctrl-Alt-right Arrow to turn screen right

Dont forget Ctrl-Alt-Insert