Horror Movies

[R.J. MacReady]

I recently found out that this movie was originally written by Max Landis... But he was accused of sexual abuse, so the producers took the script & got it rewritten by Roseanne Liang... I'm sure you can entertain yourselves with a couple of different scenarios with this information, but it paints a pretty damn funny picture of how we got the end result.

@Sharkonabicycle - you may be interested in this info as well lol

lol, The producers probably gave her complete control over the script just for political cover of any Landis fall out.

Roseanne Liang: "Do you want to check the script?"

Producers: "No, we're good."

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

lol, The producers probably gave her complete control over the script just for political cover of any Landis fall out.

Roseanne Liang: "Do you want to check the script?"

Producers: "No, we're good."

RL: "So why did you choose me to rewrite it?"

Producers: "....... (awkward pause)...... well the credentials between your legs speak for itself... We're just hoping to take this shot to the groin and move on"

 

[returnofjakedog]

So Clive Barker and Doug Bradley (Pinhead) were in NYC in '92 to promote Hellraiser 3 by presenting a Lament Configuration to Planet Hollywood. They did a walk down 34th street at the request of the Entertainment Tonight camera crew, and at one point and Clive said to Doug "When you have the chance, very slowly and very regally turn around." Doug did to find a couple hundred people following them!

What followed was a fan greet in which the pic, which has now been dubbed "Pinhead for President" was taken!


The baby looks a little freaked out! Lol!

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

lol, The producers probably gave her complete control over the script just for political cover of any Landis fall out.

Roseanne Liang: "Do you want to check the script?"

Producers: "No, we're good."

The Rian Johnson approach...

 

[UVA_Guy81]

I seriously cannot understand how this movie is so popular right now... Maybe because the target audience is for dense teenagers?

They are already talking about Army of the Dead 2 for cryin out loud... Snyder said he is on board if the fans wanted it

My guess would be because of the Snydercut of the Justice League erased a lot of people’s bad memories of the Whedon version, so he got back in people’s good graces.
Me, I have no desire to watch another one. I didn’t care whether or not any characters died. I was more than ready for it to be over a half hour or more before it actually was. If there is a sequel, I’m not going to bother watching.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

My guess would be because of the Snydercut of the Justice League erased a lot of people’s bad memories of the Whedon version, so he got back in people’s good graces.
Me, I have no desire to watch another one. I didn’t care whether or not any characters died. I was more than ready for it to be over a half hour or more before it actually was. If there is a sequel, I’m not going to bother watching.

I wouldn't pay money to watch the sequel (if it happens)... But I'll be damn sure to be 3-5 sheets to the wind before I watch it online for free

 

[Blackshirts BLVD]

Little Monsters (2019)-


So you take Kindergarten Cop, mash it together with Shaun of the Dead, and make the lead a School of Rock era Jack Black clone only dumber and ruder, and you get Little Monsters.

I know that synopsis sounds bad but it is actually pretty decent in many aspects, and I laughed out loud quite a bit.

Not-Jack Black is an emotionally stunted man-child loser who ends up helping his little nephew on a school field trip (note that it isn't from the goodness of his heart, but more from his horniness for the teacher). A military base near the kiddy park they are visiting has a zombie breech, everyone starts getting eaten and turned. So the class has to take refuge in a gift shop where it is up to Not-J.B. and teacher chick to try to get them out.

The good:
*Professionally done. Good quality production from basically all aspects (despite some script issues).
*Acting is pretty decent. The adults are generally good, particulary the teacher, who played the lead in Us, and the horrible kiddie star celebrity. The quite young kids don't embarass themselves which is all you can ask for when giving so many of them significant screen time.
*Lots and LOTS of zombies! Pretty good fxs, and many zombies makes for a fun visual.
*One of the funnier zom-coms out there. A step below Shaun of the Dead, but what isn't in that genre?

The bad:
*Never really scary, and certainly comedy first over horror. It was rated R so there isn't really any excuse for not amping up the violence and gore a bit more.
-Why is it so hard for movies to find that Evil Dead 2 horror-comedy balance sweet spot?
*Related to the above point: despite the fact that they somehow managed to take everyone else down, the zombies barely seem to be a threat. They are weak and really slow. They can overwhelm by numbers if the victim is stupid and runs into them but beyond that they are pretty tame. I'd equate them to an even lamer version of the "vampires" from The Last Man on Earth with Vincent Price.
*The story becomes redundant and the movie kinda peters out towards the end.

To optimize the movie: Cut 10 minutes of the lamer kid stuff, and 5 minutes of repetitive lead character establishment, and replace it with 15 minutes of violence, gore, and suspense. Make the zombies a bit stronger and faster so the actually seem like a threat.

6.5 to 7 outta 10 range from me. I could see the potential for much more but it was almost as if they didn't want to really scare all of the child actors.

-One minor storyline part that kinda bugged me: Why make the United States military the "bad guys"? Don't we have enough shit going on without the Aussies piling on? Lol!
The movie is set in Australia. The problem is that the USA has almost zero military presence in Australia. In reality they have an intelligence facility near Alice Springs, and a communications hub on the west coast. So 2 small facilities, both in the middle of fricken nowhere.

Watched with the wifey last night.

I pretty much agree, though based on the trailer, I did expect more comedy than I got... maybe my sense of humor is changing lol.

 

[Blackshirts BLVD]

The Loved Ones (2009)


IMDB synopsis: When Brent turns down his classmate Lola's invitation to the prom, she concocts a wildly violent plan for revenge.

Has anyone seen this? Much better than I thought it was going to be. It was marketed as Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Sixteen Candles... I have not seen Sixteen Candles, but there certainly is a TCM vibe in there with a psychotic, sadistic, and potentially inbred family that seems to live in a rural area, but still somewhat right under your nose.

The story is kind of a stretch, but the way it is told makes it work okay. There is definitely some pointless scenes that have a very little payoff, like pretty much any scene involving the protagonist's friend and his date. There is a clear reason for the scenes that's discovered, but it's dragged out and ultimately pointless with the ending. I wouldn't say there is much in terms of effects/blood/gore,etc, but what is shown looks good. The acting from the main actors is good. The ending (in my opinion) felt rushed, it has an ok payoff, but leaves feeling like it should have been bigger/greater. There is a lot of moments where you are like 'ok, somethings gotta give'... and it just doesn't. Then you wait a bit longer and it does, but the outcome isn't great, almost as if it is hopeless. Idk, but I enjoyed it.

6.5/10

 

[returnofjakedog]

Army of the Dead (2021)


This was a mindlessly entertaining Z-flick with plenty of blood & guts to satisfy the gore-hounds, but man this movie was downright stupid for the majority of its runtime. This movie included a shit ton of fluff material that essentially accumulated to nothing more than wasted time. I may get crucified for this, but I really think Snyder is an overrated director. He's got a good eye for the artsy filming, but a lot of his movies he just doesn't seem to understand the simple mechanics of filmmaking and plot progression. Don't get me wrong I like a good number of his films like Dawn of the Dead, 300 & Watchmen. Excellent films. Maybe its just his newer stuff? I can respect his genre mashups and going against the grain sometimes, but he really needs to find better coherence in his newer films. Some of his newer films has too many distractions resulting in incoherent plot threads. Take away his massive budget and some of his movies would be laughably bad.

Spoiler

The Devil's in the details! Too many logical flaws in this movie made it absurd.

• Stuff right from the get-go too, like nobody questioning why a billionaire wants to retrieve marginal cash out of a vault?
• Let's choose a mercanary based on his youtube videos showcasing his "skills" shooting zombies in the head? His girlfriend ended up being 10x the badass he was originally made out to be. And that gf could have easily been saved later on... But I guess they needed their first emotional sacrifice? We hardly knew her and yet they tried to make that an impactful scene lol.
• A young woman with no military training has trouble shooting a zombie in the head at point blank range, but proceeds to flawlessly take down 8 head-shots from a distance?
• The lead zombie apparently has a magnetic helmet made out of vibranium, and nobody can kill him when he has it on?
• Once the group finds out a nuke is on its way & time is running out they proceed to move even slower & more relaxed, even stopping to have some good father-daughter bonding time... Not to mention the pilot felt the need to deliver a speech before everyone boarded to leave. Makes sense.
• Oh and once the helicopter flew away the leader zombie had time to get down 50+ flights of stairs to ground level and mount his horse to out run the helicopter?
• If the mole had simply killed the coyote right after sawing off the head of the alpha and walked right out of the entrance (which was exactly where he took the head), then the movie ends. But instead he takes the head back to the group before proceeding to fuck them over and then tries to leave? Not to mention if the alphas were always the 1st to investigate the outskirts, then wouldn't it have been pretty simple to send in a couple people to trap those sonsabitches right where the entrance is? Another game-over scenario where the entire movie just doesn't exist if that happens lol.
• The ending was fairly hilarious from a logic standpoint as well. First off, the daughter survives a helicopter crash without even a scratch... Then a man walks out of nuclear ruins just hours after the bomb exploded. Apparently having dark skin protects you from nuclear radiation & thermal temperatures that rival the interior of the sun? Yep, ok.
• There were lots more problems that I had with this movie but I'm not remembering them all. At some point I tried to just turn off my brain because it was hurting.

The zombies were very inconsistent. I can get on board with the alpha's being smarter, faster & stronger, but then you mix in these ninja-esque gymnast Z's that apparently are phenomenal at dodging bullets... And they always appeared in the hallways at inopportune times for the survivors lol. The rest were fairly easy pickings... Majority were quick movers, but then there were a bunch of scenes with the walking dead types that were nothing more than bumps in the road. Oh and the zombie tiger. Apparently that thing defies the logic of zombies because it still maintains its excellent sense of smell & animalistic instincts vs being just an undead savage.

Overall this movie was hard to stomach if you took it seriously. It was littered with convenient logical flaws from start to finish. Also it was 2.5 hours and still had very little character development except for the moments leading up to a death where they scrambled to try & pull emotion lol. Basically any time they tried to humanize & make a connection with a character they quickly died soon after. Shallow characters implore you to stereotype (even if they are so generic that nobody is memorable), which isn't good when trying to pull emotion. This movie would have benefitted from trimming out a LOT of the script (even a handful of characters) and just stuck with action & suspense. Too many side plots that were cut short & wasted too much time building them, not to mention killing the pacing of the film. Also a 2.5 hour film is much too long to be a coherent action flick. I'd still recommend this movie for Z-fans, but would implore you to lower your expectations. It's essentially a mash-up copycat film of I Am Legend and any generic bank heist movie... Sprinkled with action tropes & telegraphed plot points... Sort of a film with a confused identity that doesn't really explore enough of either genre and takes itself way too seriously. Half-baked ideas, but nevertheless its still mindless entertainment if you're drunk enough.

I Am Legend meets Oceans Eleven? Not as good as it sounds... 5/10

Alright. So I watched this today and "downright stupid" is the correct way to describe it. So many logic holes in the plot.

The good-
*Special fxs- lots of practical mixed in with the cgi, and the cgi is decently used for the most part. Obvious that they spent $$$ there. Lots of blood and gore.
*The soundtrack is good.
That is about it!

The bad-
*Dave Bautista seems like a nice enough guy but he can't act and doesn't have the likeable charismatic presence like The Rock or Arnold. He really, really cannot act!
*The entire father-daughter storyline was meaningless and stupid. She was annoying and completely ridiculous, and I wish she would have died.
*In typical z-movie fashion they go in with the completely wrong equipment. They had a billionaire funding them so why aren't they completely covered in lightweight kevlar or similar material.

This movie doesn't deserve the Spoiler feature, but here it goes with plot specific bad stuff.

Spoiler

So, as others have already pointed out, the storyline is complete and total nonsense:

*If all they really wanted was the super zombie head, then why the fuck did they do all of this other stupid shit, and why even bother with the cover story at all? Just hire a few folks and send them in! Plus at least one previous team had already almost gotten to the safe, so after they failed they decided that it was still a viable plan and they should send in more teams to not attempt the actual goal except persumably the one mole guy?
As previously pointed out, just go in there, get the head (or 2 heads as you could have easily captured her bodyguard if you bothered to plan at all) and then walk 1 minute and leave.
Also, if the queen was so important to main zombie dude and she is pregnant with his baby then why the fuck is she always going out to investigate human artivals?

*The "melted dead" near the entrance. So she says rain can revive them then, as others have already noted, that notion is abandoned. But an even bigger question to me is if they can be revived so easily then why haven't they torched the hell out of all of them piled around the entrance?!?

*They took off in the helicopter leaving the main zombie leader behind them on the roof. But as they fly to rescue the daughter that same zombie leader is suddenly ahead of them on his horse, and actually beats them to the daughter??
Magical teleportation zombies?!?

*They didn't get nearly far enough away from the nuke for her not the get heavily irradiated. She would be cancerous and dead in weeks or months at that distance.

*How did the black guy escape the vault? How is it he hasn't changed for many hours after being bitten

I agree with the 5 outta 10 previously expressed her. The effects, and copious zombies account for that. Everything else drags it down.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

The Loved Ones (2009)


IMDB synopsis: When Brent turns down his classmate Lola's invitation to the prom, she concocts a wildly violent plan for revenge.

Has anyone seen this? Much better than I thought it was going to be. It was marketed as Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Sixteen Candles... I have not seen Sixteen Candles, but there certainly is a TCM vibe in there with a psychotic, sadistic, and potentially inbred family that seems to live in a rural area, but still somewhat right under your nose.

The story is kind of a stretch, but the way it is told makes it work okay. There is definitely some pointless scenes that have a very little payoff, like pretty much any scene involving the protagonist's friend and his date. There is a clear reason for the scenes that's discovered, but it's dragged out and ultimately pointless with the ending. I wouldn't say there is much in terms of effects/blood/gore,etc, but what is shown looks good. The acting from the main actors is good. The ending (in my opinion) felt rushed, it has an ok payoff, but leaves feeling like it should have been bigger/greater. There is a lot of moments where you are like 'ok, somethings gotta give'... and it just doesn't. Then you wait a bit longer and it does, but the outcome isn't great, almost as if it is hopeless. Idk, but I enjoyed it.

6.5/10

@returnofjakedog recommended this one to me years ago... Wrote a short & sweet review long time ago: Horror Movies

 

[returnofjakedog]

The Loved Ones (2009)


IMDB synopsis: When Brent turns down his classmate Lola's invitation to the prom, she concocts a wildly violent plan for revenge.

Has anyone seen this? Much better than I thought it was going to be. It was marketed as Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Sixteen Candles... I have not seen Sixteen Candles, but there certainly is a TCM vibe in there with a psychotic, sadistic, and potentially inbred family that seems to live in a rural area, but still somewhat right under your nose.

The story is kind of a stretch, but the way it is told makes it work okay. There is definitely some pointless scenes that have a very little payoff, like pretty much any scene involving the protagonist's friend and his date. There is a clear reason for the scenes that's discovered, but it's dragged out and ultimately pointless with the ending. I wouldn't say there is much in terms of effects/blood/gore,etc, but what is shown looks good. The acting from the main actors is good. The ending (in my opinion) felt rushed, it has an ok payoff, but leaves feeling like it should have been bigger/greater. There is a lot of moments where you are like 'ok, somethings gotta give'... and it just doesn't. Then you wait a bit longer and it does, but the outcome isn't great, almost as if it is hopeless. Idk, but I enjoyed it.

6.5/10

Yep! Our reviews had quite similar notes as yours but we rated it slightly higher.

I really liked the movie. The secondary story seems irrelevant but other than that it was very well done.

 

[returnofjakedog]

So I just watched the RedLetterMedia youtube review of Army of the Dead, and they had the following to add to the list of "complaints":

*The entire movie is basically a rip off of Aliens. Not only is the entire storyline essentially the same but specific scenes are lifted almost verbatim.
-The Paul Reiser character does much of the same stuff. He betrays them, he locks them in which leads to him being attacked and killed by the tiger (or xenomorph in Aliens)
-Getting the z-head back is the same as retrieving the xenomorph: to make a corporate weapon.
-There is the scene shot and line "They don't betray each other" which is repeated (in Aliens they do have "for a percentage" but otherwise the exact same.
-The walk through the zombies using glow sticks, and the betrayal are the same as in Aliens with the egg pods.
-The helicopter being gone, only to re-appear is the same as with Bishop. But the Alien queen is much more intimidating than zombie leader.

There are more examples of these connections.

Additional movies:
*The "What a piece of junk" the pilot says when first seeing the helicopter is Luke seeing the Millennium Falcon for the first time.
*Additionally when the helicopter engine blows up, it is the same as Han doing this in Star Wars, complete with the exact same sound effect! (So it was intentional).
*The scene at the beginning where the military guys are fleeing in the desert, then one guy falls down and the other guy goes to help him out, only to be attacked is shot for shot the exact same as in American Werewolf in London. This could be coincidence but they played them side by side and everything plays out exactly the same at the same time line delivery, physical action, timing of attack, etc.

So Snyder was intentionally making an ode to these movies(?).......or just blatantly ripping them off. (depends on your perspective).

They also harp on there being at least one camera with obvious 4 or 5 dead pixels, which is an issue in a dark movie. No excuse for it happening, or it not being fixed in post in a $90+ million dollar production. (Personally I didn't notice it).

Their final criticism is similar to one expressed by everyone here: it is essentially Ocean's Eleven blended with Romero's Dawn of the Dead (not Snyder's own 2004 DotD) without the interesting plot details and characters of O11, or the social commentary or the zombies actually being integral to the plot, then copy Aliens scenes shot for shot with a few more classic movies ripped off.

Also, Chris D'Elias was apparently the original helicopter pilot but they went back and reshot all of his scenes to add Tig Notaro in his place. She does a pretty good job (by comparison to the rest of the cast at least) but her smart-assery seems a bit out of place..........until you understand almost everything she does is her being filmed alone in front of a green screen, then digitally inserted into the movie.

Alright, I am done ranking on this movie. It actually wasn't horrible (it wasn't good either) but considering the big names attached and the budget it is a big disappointment.

I re-watched Fight Club last night for the first time in years just to get the bad taste outta my mouth. Now there is a well crafted story and movie!

 

[Blackshirts BLVD]

Yep! Our reviews had quite similar notes as yours but we rated it slightly higher.

I really liked the movie. The secondary story seems irrelevant but other than that it was very well done.

Yeah, I'm not even sure what it would take to be a 9 or 10 lol. The Exorcist became my #2 favorite and I only gave it an 8 I believe lol.

 

[Blackshirts BLVD]

So I just watched the RedLetterMedia youtube review of Army of the Dead, and they had the following to add to the list of "complaints":

*The entire movie is basically a rip off of Aliens. Not only is the entire storyline essentially the same but specific scenes are lifted almost verbatim.
-The Paul Reiser character does much of the same stuff. He betrays them, he locks them in which leads to him being attacked and killed by the tiger (or xenomorph in Aliens)
-Getting the z-head back is the same as retrieving the xenomorph: to make a corporate weapon.
-There is the scene shot and line "They don't betray each other" which is repeated (in Aliens they do have "for a percentage" but otherwise the exact same.
-The walk through the zombies using glow sticks, and the betrayal are the same as in Aliens with the egg pods.
-The helicopter being gone, only to re-appear is the same as with Bishop. But the Alien queen is much more intimidating than zombie leader.

There are more examples of these connections.

Additional movies:
*The "What a piece of junk" the pilot says when first seeing the helicopter is Luke seeing the Millennium Falcon for the first time.
*Additionally when the helicopter engine blows up, it is the same as Han doing this in Star Wars, complete with the exact same sound effect! (So it was intentional).
*The scene at the beginning where the military guys are fleeing in the desert, then one guy falls down and the other guy goes to help him out, only to be attacked is shot for shot the exact same as in American Werewolf in London. This could be coincidence but they played them side by side and everything plays out exactly the same at the same time line delivery, physical action, timing of attack, etc.

So Snyder was intentionally making an ode to these movies(?).......or just blatantly ripping them off. (depends on your perspective).

They also harp on there being at least one camera with obvious 4 or 5 dead pixels, which is an issue in a dark movie. No excuse for it happening, or it not being fixed in post in a $90+ million dollar production. (Personally I didn't notice it).

Their final criticism is similar to one expressed by everyone here: it is essentially Ocean's Eleven blended with Romero's Dawn of the Dead (not Snyder's own 2004 DotD) without the interesting plot details and characters of O11, or the social commentary or the zombies actually being integral to the plot, then copy Aliens scenes shot for shot with a few more classic movies ripped off.

Also, Chris D'Elias was apparently the original helicopter pilot but they went back and reshot all of his scenes to add Tig Notaro in his place. She does a pretty good job (by comparison to the rest of the cast at least) but her smart-assery seems a bit out of place..........until you understand almost everything she does is her being filmed alone in front of a green screen, then digitally inserted into the movie.

Alright, I am done ranking on this movie. It actually wasn't horrible (it wasn't good either) but considering the big names attached and the budget it is a big disappointment.

I re-watched Fight Club last night for the first time in years just to get the bad taste outta my mouth. Now there is a well crafted story and movie!

Watching this RLM episode now lol.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Watching this RLM episode now lol.

Can somebody please post the video in here?

 

[returnofjakedog]

Watching this RLM episode now lol.

Not their most entertaining stuff (their Best of the Worst type stuff is my favs from them by far) but they certainly did point out a bunch of stuff that I missed. Plus they always discuss technical aspects that I have little knowledge of.

Can somebody please post the video in here?

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

View attachment 271717

LMAO... Some things cannot be unseen.

Now every time I think of Freddy K I'll think of a grilled bratwurst. Thanks.

 

[returnofjakedog]

Winchester (2018)


Thought that I should hasten my review since there was a question about it this past weekend (@Center Ice). As I already stated, this is a slow-paced horror chalked full of history in a very complex storyline. A lot of people have been calling it dull because of that. So I definitely want to forewarn everyone if you intend to watch it that you have to be in the mood for a deliberately laggard film. It has quite an interesting story so its not boring so long as you pay attention to it. It dives deeper into the character building department than most movies do. But fear not, there is still some minor scares sprinkled throughout the film to keep you unsettled. This movie reminds me a lot of Crimson Peak (the house, the mood, the story, the cinematics, etc) but with a better payoff. There is an overall dark & ominous atmosphere that plays well with the setting. One of the coolest things about horror movies is the potential to craft incredible settings that bring life, or in this case death, to the screen. The movie has one of the more interesting settings I've seen in a while. A glamorized mansion modeled after the Winchester estate. This jigsaw puzzle like house is a twisted chamber that plays games on the mind. The linear plot is not overly unique, but it is stronger than most horror movies hold. And it pays dividends when you get hit with the unpredictable twist in the climax. The writers & the director did an amazing job with the progression. The way they integrated everything in the plot and transformed it into the final act was pretty remarkable. The acting was rock solid. Although I wasn't overly impressed with the characters themselves. Some were underutilized. Overall this was an impressive film with great attention to detail, but it is a lengthy one with a fairly minor scare factor. It was a successful film based on what it accomplished. But as I said before, you have to be in the mood for it. Do not watch this if you're thinking its one of the Hollywood blockbuster type movies full of shock value.

Biographical supernatural horror with a complex story... 7.5/10

Finally got around to Winchester. As always, your review is pretty spot on but I feel that the movie lost momentum and was rushed towards the end.

I was surprised to find out it was nominated for 4 Razzies, including worst director, screenplay, writer, and actress. I find this ridiculous as all of those were aspects were not nearly bad enough to deserve Razzie nominations, particularly Helen Mirren who could act better than 90% of the current actresses in her sleep.

All in all, some really good cinematography, and they do a very good job on most aspects but it can feel generic at times, particularly towards the conclusion and epilog.

I'd go slightly below @FaCe-LeE-uS grade and go 6.5 to 7 outta 10.

 

[Blackshirts BLVD]