Horror Movies

[returnofjakedog]

The Rock did the same thing imitating his dad and it worked out for him. Joe just might be paying homage to his old man?

True. But it is more of a necessity in the context of pro wrestling. Joe's writing being stylistically similar to his father (which it is, in a good way) would be the equivalent in my opinion.

It just struck me as odd- like a horror story troupe where King would eventually take over Hill's body and persona (like Alan Alda and Curd Jurgens in The Mephisto Waltz that I reviewed here awhile back)!

Honestly though, I'm just happy Joe Hill is continuing the King legacy (as is his brother Owen). I've enjoyed everything I've read from him, and look forward to his future works. Hopefully they put more of it on the big screen also.

 

[returnofjakedog]

Castle Freak (1995)-

The original to the Fangoria remake I reviewed here a few months back:

Castle Freak (2020)-
Ok, not an old one. I was looking for the 1995 original directed by Stuart Gordon, and starring the brilliant Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton but settled for this one.

A blind lady inherits a castle in Albania from her birth mother whom she never met. Her boyfriend (and eventually some other friends) join her and they start trying to liquidate the castle's stuff only to find the locals consider it cursed. They then start getting knocked off by a demonic chick who lives in the castle walls. Eventually the backstory of demonic prophecy comes out and the stakes are raised.
Yet another Lovecraft adaptation, I knew exactually what I was in for when I saw it was a Charles Band and Fangora production: questionable acting and dialogue, unlikable characters, blended in with some fun over the top gore and weirdness. The rubber suit antagonist is pretty hilarious.
I'll go about a 4.5 to 5 outta 10 range, mostly for the slime and blood.
I'm sure the original is better. I'll need to track it down.

Stuart Gordon directs yet another H.P. Lovecraft tale, and brings back the iconic duo of Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton as the leads.

Essentially the same story as the remake with minor changes. Combs inherits a castle in Italy and moves there with his family to liquidate the assets. Crampton's and Combs' relationship is severely strained because he caused a drunken car wreck that killed their son and blinded their daughter. But Combs' mutant half-brother has been locked in the dungeon since his mother's death escapes and starts reeking havoc!

Charles Band (b-movie auteur who formed both Empire Pictures, and Full Moon Productions back in the day) apparently told Gordon that he could make the movie as long as it was shot in a castle, had a freak in it, and was low budget. Band even put the crew on notice that he was going to kick them out of the castle when they ran 1.5 days over schedule.

A fun film that harkens back to gothic style Hammer Films stuff blended with 80s/90s b-movie smaltz.

The good:
*The acting is generally good. Combs and Crampton both live up to their reputations, and the rest of the cast does ok.
*A "fun" and well executed story. Pretty good considering they had no script at all when production started.
*The castle setting is nice, and used well.
*Good fxs. The freak with the obvious castration was a nasty monster, and some good gore.
*Decent cinematography withsome fun shots using the castle.

The bad-
*Played very straight, which works but it seems like an odd decision when you consider this is largely the same group that gave us Re-Animator and From Beyond.
*Kinda loses focus a bit a few times and meanders a little.

6.5 to 7 outta 10 range from me. A fun watch for fans of b-movie schlock.

 

[DarthVedder]

The Black Phone

Spoiler

Wasn't that good, and wasn't scary at all. I know we still have months to go and usually the best horror movies are released later in the year, but if this is the best "horror" movie of 2022, what a sad year.

BTW, how does a guy keep abducting kids in broad daylight, using a huge black van, while living in the same neighborhood?

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[returnofjakedog]

The Black Phone

Spoiler

Wasn't that good, and wasn't scary at all. I know we still have months to go and usually the best horror movies are released later in the year, but if this is the best "horror" movie of 2022, what a sad year.

BTW, how does a guy keep abducting kids in broad daylight, using a huge black van, while living in the same neighborhood?

Just had someone else tell me it was excellent!

It seems to be a love it, or hate it type movie.

Sadly I missed seeing it at the drive in. I was packing up a cooler in preparation when it started raining so I called it off.

 

[returnofjakedog]

If ya like horror-com and have 9 minutes, give this one a look!

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

View attachment 302463

Isaac is the best thing to ever grace a Stephen King film... sorry Cathy Bates (Misery), but you can't compete with Isaac.

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

Currently the double feature at the local drive in is the new Jurassic Park, and the Black Phone. So I'm planning to see it tonight.

The only question is if I go early and watch the Jurassic Park debacle, or show up at 11pm for the Black Phone late show.

Did you end up watching Black Phone Jake?

I HATED it and thought it was boring beyond belief. I think I went into it with expectations that were WAY too high.

 

[returnofjakedog]

Isaac is the best thing to ever grace a Stephen King film... sorry Cathy Bates (Misery), but you can't compete with Isaac.

Isaac is great but he might not even be the best part of Children of the Corn!

......we have your woman!
#TeamMalachai

 

[returnofjakedog]

Did you end up watching Black Phone Jake?

I HATED it and thought it was boring beyond belief. I think I went into it with expectations that were WAY too high.

Didn't see it yet.

Sadly, the reviews here have been scathing.

I just saw early reviews of Nope though, and the early return is excellent. So hopefully Peele has come through.

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

Isaac is great but he might not even be the best part of Children of the Corn!
View attachment 302814
......we have your woman!
#TeamMalachai

I'll accept your apology whenever you're ready...

 

[returnofjakedog]

I'll accept your apology whenever you're ready...

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

I felt some inspiring need to watch Piranha 3DD....

And it was fucking hilarious. I went in with SUPER low expectations, and the movie was clearly made with those same low expectations. Koechner's death was fucking priceless. I was losing it, especially after he gives the money to the kid and then runs her over lmao WTF?

I mean when a movie that bluntly throws it out there that they simply don't give a fuck and are just willing to show you gratuitous female nudity, horrible CGI kills, and an absolutely ridiculous plot... that's something special in my book.

I'd recommend this to anyone.

 

[Sparhawk]

I felt some inspiring need to watch Piranha 3DD....

And it was fucking hilarious. I went in with SUPER low expectations, and the movie was clearly made with those same low expectations. Koechner's death was fucking priceless. I was losing it, especially after he gives the money to the kid and then runs her over lmao WTF?

I mean when a movie that bluntly throws it out there that they simply don't give a fuck and are just willing to show you gratuitous female nudity, horrible CGI kills, and an absolutely ridiculous plot... that's something special in my book.

I'd recommend this to anyone.

I just happened to watch Piranha 3D on cable.
Elizabeth Shue
Adam Scott
Ving Rhames
Jerry Connell getting chewed to his bones.

I bet they had a great time filming these.

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

I just happened to watch Piranha 3D on cable.
Elizabeth Shue
Adam Scott
Ving Rhames
Jerry Connell getting chewed to his bones.

I bet they had a great time filming these.

Now check out the 3DD sequel (the original was actually trying to be a decent film lol) - sadly no Shue/Brook but they got the Hoff, Koechner is always great and can make something so over the top.... it's absolutely cheese but again the film 100% knows it's not taking itself seriously.

When I was watching it like 10 minutes in I was thinking, "Why are they d-" and then the little Angel on my shoulder was like, "Shark just stfu and watch it." lol even Gary Busey makes an amusing cameo.

I mean don't get me wrong, there's a reason it's rated as < 4 on IMDB...

 

[Sparhawk]

Now check out the 3DD sequel (the original was actually trying to be a decent film lol) - sadly no Shue/Brook but they got the Hoff, Koechner is always great and can make something so over the top.... it's absolutely cheese but again the film 100% knows it's not taking itself seriously.

When I was watching it like 10 minutes in I was thinking, "Why are they d-" and then the little Angel on my shoulder was like, "Shark just stfu and watch it." lol even Gary Busey makes an amusing cameo.

I mean don't get me wrong, there's a reason it's rated as < 4 on IMDB...

Oh, they went campier for sure.
And it works.

I mean, there's been like 10 Sharknados, right?
Somebody is watching them.
Most likely horror goons like us.

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

Oh, they went campier for sure.
And it works.

I mean, there's been like 10 Sharknados, right?
Somebody is watching them.
Most likely horror goons like us.

Oh you did see it, lol.