Horror Movies

[returnofjakedog]

I mostly VR at night…..mostly….

I know what you are VRing late at night Biff!

 

[Think McFly Think]

I know what you are VRing late at night Biff!

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To be fair, Lea Thompson in her prime was mmmmmm.

 

[returnofjakedog]

Been quite some time since I've driven the 101 that far north... (think it was honestly with my parents). My parents have a cabin around the Hood Canal (don't want to get too specific you STALKER YOU!)

Damn! I was looking for a place to crash.........

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

I mostly VR at night…..mostly….

 

[returnofjakedog]

To be fair, Lea Thompson in her prime was mmmmmm.

I'm not disagreeing!

.......but don't make me go all George on your ass!! Lol!

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

To be fair, Lea Thompson in her prime was mmmmmm.

Hell yes she was. I would have made that plaid button up look like a toddler’s napkin after a cinnamon roll breakfast

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

Damn! I was looking for a place to crash.........

Well I didn't want to say anything, but we gotta watch out for Face... rumor is he ate a deer whole and killed 3 people in the Cascades...

mmmmmm.. now, THAT could be a movie. On that note:


This movie is great btw.. pretty sure I've linked it before, but I'm in the mood to watch it now!

 

[Think McFly Think]

Hell yes she was. I would have made that plaid button up look like a toddler’s napkin after a cinnamon roll breakfast

She could put my pants on her hope chest anytime.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Well I didn't want to say anything, but we gotta watch out for Face... rumor is he ate a deer whole and killed 3 people in the Cascades...

*sam Jackson’s voice*
“Tired of these mutha fukkin kids sleeping in my mutha fukkin woods near my mutha fukkin lake”

 

[Think McFly Think]

I gotta post here more often, you guys are fuckin’ hilarious and more informative than any website dedicated to movies that I’ve ever seen. Lol

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

I gotta post here more often, you guys are fuckin’ hilarious and more informative than any website dedicated to movies that I’ve ever seen. Lol

We are a small, but lovable band of miscreants!

…DEPRAVED! I forgot to mention we’re depraved

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Just wait for Uncle @Chef99 to get involved…

“IF the BoobMeter ain’t full then don’t mention it!” - chef , probably

 

[returnofjakedog]

Well I didn't want to say anything, but we gotta watch out for Face... rumor is he ate a deer whole and killed 3 people in the Cascades...

mmmmmm.. now, THAT could be a movie. On that note:


This movie is great btw.. pretty sure I've linked it before, but I'm in the mood to watch it now!

I'll have to check it out!

 

[Think McFly Think]

I gotta post here more often, you guys are fuckin’ hilarious and more informative than any website dedicated to movies that I’ve ever seen. Lol

I was thinking that I should rephrase this, not the most informative because I doubt any of us can rattle off who the gaffer or key grip was on a particular city filming unit from any given movie; but from what I’ve read, you guys produce very articulate and honest reviews that really paint a picture if a movie is worth seeing or not.

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

I'll have to check it out!

It's a good one Jake. Much better than Street Trash.

 

[returnofjakedog]

It's a good one Jake. Much better than Street Trash.

Faint praise from the damned!

Just wait for Uncle @Chef99 to get involved…

“IF the BoobMeter ain’t full then don’t mention it!” - chef , probably

I wasn't going to do this now but since there is a flood on the board, I'll try to kill the momentum with a "movie" that was arguably much worse than Street Trash:

Evil Toons (1992)-

Well, what to say?
A group of 30-some year old strippers playing college co-eds are hired by to clean up an old murder mansion. They find a crappy version of the Necronomicon, and unleash a cartoon "demon". I think that they try to send the cartoon demon back, but I'd stopped caring by that point........

The movie started with the most ultimate cringy scene where David Carradine hangs himself! (Knowing what we know now, I almost shut it down then, but sadly I continued).

Anyways........
The good:
*Gratuitous David Carradine and Dick Miller!
Neither are integral to anything but still a highlight.
*Lots of T&A. Only 5 ladies providing the goods but they tear it off at a moments notice.
*The film stock and score are ok I guess.

The bad:
Pretty much everthing else.
Horrible writing, direction, dialogue, etc. Fred Olen Ray is responsible for all of these aspects, and despite some awesome film titles in his catalog (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Bikini Chain Gang, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle) his movies all appear to be detestable crap. He put out about 8 movies a year at his peak but does about 2 a year now.
*Acting. The acting is all bad. The lead ladies are all horrible.
I had Monique Gabrielle's Penthouse issue back in the day, and it was a "favorite", but man is she a horribly bad actress. I mean perhaps the worst I've seen out of a lead role.
*FXs- there are no multiple "toons" as promised in the title, only a single badly animated poor man's Tasmanian Devil that gets about 5 minutes of screen time. The integration of the animation into the movie is also really bad.
*Lazy. Everything about this reeks of lack of effort. Even David Carradine and Dick Miller seem to understand what kind of of movie they are in and generally seem bored.

I gave Street Trash a 3 outta 10 for the fxs, but that was actually probably a little high.
I gave Zombie Nation about a 2 outta 10, and this one is probably similar.
2 outta 10 for T&A. No other reason to watch it than that.

At least Jim Wynorski has a semi-watchable Chopping Mall in his filmography before he descended onto this level, but Fred Olen Ray doesn't even seem to approach that level, and the internet has made his style of dreck rather obsolete. Now he does stuff like Stephen Seagal trash.
Avoid unless you are a serious masochist!

 

[UVA_Guy81]

It'd have to be a funny horror movie. I've seen so many at this point I'm fairly desensitized to it... and we can all agree paranormal/jump scare movies are bullshit.

I might just put myself on camera for Army of Darkness lol.

Evil Dead 2 would be a good choice as well. Can’t go wrong with any of the movies in that series in my opinion.

 

[returnofjakedog]

Evil Dead 2 would be a good choice as well. Can’t go wrong with any of the movies in that series in my opinion.

That deserves a........

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[BeaReylo]

Black Phone was written by Joe Hill, who also wrote Horns which we recently discussed here. Joe Hill is Stephen King's son.

Does anyone else find it a little weird/creepy that Joe appears to be actively trying to be a clone of his dad?
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He already looks just like him, but he goes all in with the same haircut, glasses, beard, and even a very Kingish shirt!

The Rock did the same thing imitating his dad and it worked out for him. Joe just might be paying homage to his old man?