OT: I Need Opinions And Advice

[Eddie_Shack]

What you need to do is offer to prepare the Thanksgiving turkey yourself. Turkeys take a long time to thaw, dress, and cook so you should have plenty of time to make this work.

While the turkey is in the oven, tell your family you need to run to the store to grab some extra ingredients quick a minute. Run down to your local homeless shelter, or highway overpass, and find a hobo with a nice thick full beard. If you need to buy some Just for Men and die it white, that's fine, but it will take precious time.

Cut off the hobo's head, place it in a plastic bag, and stash it in the trunk. Sneak it into the kitchen in a paper grocery bag, and make sure everyone is good and distracted by the football game... then coat it in vegetable oil and slide it into the turkey. Pop a red hat in it, and phase one is complete.

Once the table is set, make a big deal about gathering everyone around the table to witness the turkey carving, and start hacking into it. Once you get the meat off, start screaming "OH MY GOD!!! IT'S FUCKING SANTA CLAUSE!!! HOW DID HIS HEAD GET INTO THE TURKEY!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!"

Boom, no more St. Nick. Problem solved.

 

[puckhead]

So basically everyone agrees he should know, but since it's not my son, I should just let it go with a fake fucking smile on my face?

Pretty much what I expected. Thanks for the input.

exactly.


*cough* Gee Billy, Santa's handwriting looks like someone else's. Odd coincidence, huh? *cough*

 

[Winged_Wheel88]

GOD DAMN IT!! THE TOOTHFAIRY ALSO???????? Btw.........while we're breaking down my belief in everything good in this world, can anyone tell me if the Detroit Lions are real?

 

[HonusWagner66]

Who cares if it's not your kid? Shoving personal beliefs down other people's throats is what this country is all about.

Kid is gonna be in high school in like 2 years or so. Think about it.

 

[HonusWagner66]

What you need to do is offer to prepare the Thanksgiving turkey yourself. Turkeys take a long time to thaw, dress, and cook so you should have plenty of time to make this work.

While the turkey is in the oven, tell your family you need to run to the store to grab some extra ingredients quick a minute. Run down to your local homeless shelter, or highway overpass, and find a hobo with a nice thick full beard. If you need to buy some Just for Men and die it white, that's fine, but it will take precious time.

Cut off the hobo's head, place it in a plastic bag, and stash it in the trunk. Sneak it into the kitchen in a paper grocery bag, and make sure everyone is good and distracted by the football game... then coat it in vegetable oil and slide it into the turkey. Pop a red hat in it, and phase one is complete.

Once the table is set, make a big deal about gathering everyone around the table to witness the turkey carving, and start hacking into it. Once you get the meat off, start screaming "OH MY GOD!!! IT'S FUCKING SANTA CLAUSE!!! HOW DID HIS HEAD GET INTO THE TURKEY!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!"

Boom, no more St. Nick. Problem solved.

I only read the caps lock part and on but I recommend this idea.

 

[naslundfan19]

One problem with your idea Eddie. Who in their right mind would be distracted by the Cowboys and/or Lions this year?

 

[Bizzle McDizzle]

Shoving personal beliefs down other people's throats is what this country is all about.

Jesus hates Santa Claus for not giving him new sandals for his 13th birthday like he asked for.
He was a good messiah all year and everything.

 

[Automattic]

Take him to Philly and show him that Santa is too busy getting his ass beat to deliver presents this year.

 

[Winged_Wheel88]

Eddie: is this the hobo you had in mind?

 

[HonusWagner66]

Jesus hates Santa Claus for not giving him new sandals for his 13th birthday like he asked for.
He was a good messiah all year and everything.

I thought his 13th birthday was part of the 18 or so years of his life not included in the bible?

 

[Darkstone42]

He'll figure it out on his own. I did, when I was 12 exactly, and I turned out... well...

But he probably already doesn't believe. He's just pretending to believe so as to get more presents, like whoever said they did that. I did it too. I pretended to believe until I was 14. It proved lucrative.

 

[NullDefault]

You know what a better idea is. Tell him that God isn't real. After he rolls that one over in his brain for awhile he won't give a shit about Santa not being real

 

[KennyBanyeah]

GOD DAMN IT!! THE TOOTHFAIRY ALSO???????? Btw.........while we're breaking down my belief in everything good in this world, can anyone tell me if the Detroit Lions are real?

Nah... they're fake jus like elves, leprechauns and eskimos.

 

[flyersfan4706]

What you need to do is offer to prepare the Thanksgiving turkey yourself. Turkeys take a long time to thaw, dress, and cook so you should have plenty of time to make this work.

While the turkey is in the oven, tell your family you need to run to the store to grab some extra ingredients quick a minute. Run down to your local homeless shelter, or highway overpass, and find a hobo with a nice thick full beard. If you need to buy some Just for Men and die it white, that's fine, but it will take precious time.

Cut off the hobo's head, place it in a plastic bag, and stash it in the trunk. Sneak it into the kitchen in a paper grocery bag, and make sure everyone is good and distracted by the football game... then coat it in vegetable oil and slide it into the turkey. Pop a red hat in it, and phase one is complete.

Once the table is set, make a big deal about gathering everyone around the table to witness the turkey carving, and start hacking into it. Once you get the meat off, start screaming "OH MY GOD!!! IT'S FUCKING SANTA CLAUSE!!! HOW DID HIS HEAD GET INTO THE TURKEY!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!"

Boom, no more St. Nick. Problem solved.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​

 

[flyersfan4706]

Oh yeah I stopped believing at 9 years old.

 

[Slimpikins]

You know what a better idea is. Tell him that God isn't real. After he rolls that one over in his brain for awhile he won't give a shit about Santa not being real

Hahahahaha! We have a winner.

 

[Comeds]

So basically everyone agrees he should know, but since it's not my son, I should just let it go with a fake fucking smile on my face?

Pretty much what I expected. Thanks for the input.

Thats how I feel. Its weird and past time for him to know, but you should respect his parents wishes.

 

[forty_three]

Thats how I feel. Its weird and past time for him to know, but you should respect his parents wishes.

I know it isn't going to be easy, but in my experience when it comes to inlaws, especially inlaws and their kids, learn to bite your tongue. If for no other reason than to help your wife not be in the middle of it.

Mrs 43's brother has absolutely zero control over his kid, and it's tough, but I just stay out of it. I would love nothing more than to lay down some law, but it would make life difficult for the Mrs. So I just grin and bear it.

And go to the basement punching bag a lot.

 

[Comeds]

Building models in a closed room with little ventilation helps too.

 

[IPostedWhat]

At 12 years old, he's going to get tricked by some sicko dressed up as Santa, to reach into his sack, and pull out something nice.