Horror Movies

[Chef99]

Uncut violence.... fuck yes.

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Also, not horror related, but I just read that HULU is picking up the Punisher series and will be returning Jon Bernthal. I'm excited about that and just wanted to mention it lol.

*Uncut" violence in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie...irony abounds.

 

[Podunkparte]

Jeepers Creepers was one I gravitated to as a kid.... though I was a teenager when it came out.

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Thirteen Ghosts was the one for me out of those. Something about the weird mashup of Tony Shalhoub and brutal graphic horror was just right. The house was very creative and anything with interesting mythos (all 13 ghost backgrounds and the uncle hunting them) is gonna get my attention. And Matthew Lillard's aunt was one of my teachers in high school.

 

[Podunkparte]

Uncut violence.... fuck yes.

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Well it's definitely gory, but that's about it. Dumb and bad. It's not a good sign when you're rooting for the killer from scene 1.

Cringey "liberals" vs Texans vibes and then it's just a new Halloween ripoff.

Still 30 minutes left as I write this and let's see if I can guess the ending.

Spoiler

Younger sister finds the scary AR in the garage and uses it to kill Leatherface curing her of her school shooting ptsd.

 

[Podunkparte]

Ok, I'm calling that a win. Close enough.

3/10

 

[returnofjakedog]

Well it's definitely gory, but that's about it. Dumb and bad. It's not a good sign when you're rooting for the killer from scene 1.

Cringey "liberals" vs Texans vibes and then it's just a new Halloween ripoff.

Still 30 minutes left as I write this and let's see if I can guess the ending.

Spoiler

Younger sister finds the scary AR in the garage and uses it to kill Leatherface curing her of her school shooting ptsd.

Ok, I'm calling that a win. Close enough.

3/10

Bummer.

I'm always disappointed when the anticipated releases fail to meet expectations.

Well, I guess there is always the next one......

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Resident Evil - Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

So a reboot of the Resident Evil series. Paul W.S. Anderson is still a producer but his hottie wife Milla Jovovich isn't involved.

Anyways, this one sticks pretty close to the original video games as it is centered around the doomed Raccoon City police department and the big mansion. Several different groups deal with escalating t-virus outbreaks. They fight their way through scenerios and eventually work together to fight the biggest baddies.

The fxs range from decent to way too much cgi. They try to develop the characters but they don't do a particularly good job as they try to shove the stories from the first 2 or 3 games into 1 hr 45 minutes and it makes things pretty convoluted. But it generally looks pretty good and the action is ok. Some of the shots are very ambitious so credit to them for that.

I give them credit for putting the effort in but it comes off as too focused on appealing to teenagers with low attention spans. It is essentially a slightly better version of the kinda crappy Venom movies: all sizzle but little steak.

5.5 outta 10 from me. Some cool stuff mashed in with standard teenage cgi horror-action.

I actually liked this movie a lot... but I admit it was primarily nostalgia-based... I played all the original video games and you are spot on with that assessment of this movie following those more closely. It got silly at times, but that is exactly how the video games played out.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Well it's definitely gory, but that's about it. Dumb and bad. It's not a good sign when you're rooting for the killer from scene 1.

Cringey "liberals" vs Texans vibes and then it's just a new Halloween ripoff.

Still 30 minutes left as I write this and let's see if I can guess the ending.

Spoiler

Younger sister finds the scary AR in the garage and uses it to kill Leatherface curing her of her school shooting ptsd.

Ok, I'm calling that a win. Close enough.

3/10

Yup... Really disappointed in this movie. The gore was about the only highlight and the rest was very cringe-worthy. The entire plot concept was absurd.

Spoiler

I was beyond irritated how they played out Sally's anti-climactic finale. All that buildup for that BS? And leatherface was hiding in an orphanage for 30+ years?

 

[returnofjakedog]

I actually liked this movie a lot... but I admit it was primarily nostalgia-based... I played all the original video games and you are spot on with that assessment of this movie following those more closely. It got silly at times, but that is exactly how the video games played out.

Yes, it did follow the early games in setting, events, and characters but in my opinion they never captured the feel of these games.

When I played the first game, it actually scared me more than once. I think it was as much the pacing and the sound fxs more than anything. This movie made me jump one time (dog smashing through car window) but other than that one jump scare I never was creeped out or scared.

It was well done. It had a $25-30 million budget. But it seemed geared towards the young action crowd moreso than horror.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Yes, it did follow the early games in setting, events, and characters but in my opinion they never captured the feel of these games.

When I played the first game, it actually scared me more than once. I think it was as much the pacing and the sound fxs more than anything. This movie made me jump one time (dog smashing through car window) but other than that one jump scare I never was creeped out or scared.

It was well done. It had a $25-30 million budget. But it seemed geared towards the young action crowd moreso than horror.

Fair points. FWIW I loved the games far better than the latest movie, or any of the movies really. Doom did a better job of translating the intensity into a movie. Maybe I was just so glad to see them get away from the original franchise plot line and back to its roots lol

 

[Blackshirts BLVD]

 

[Chef99]

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Halloween will never end.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Halloween will never end.

They really should put a disclaimer or by-line that reads: “until the next reboot”

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

DUUUUuuuude.... I would terrorize the shit out of people

 

[returnofjakedog]

DUUUUuuuude.... I would terrorize the shit out of people

Lol! That would be so much fun on a busy beach!

 

[returnofjakedog]

From kinda bad to decent:

Bram Stoker's Shadow Builder (1998)-
A relatively young Michael Rooker is a kick ass priest who fights a demon that turns his victims into "physical shadows"(?) that disintegrate in light.
Some cool fxs and it also has Tony Todd. The concept is good, but the story meanders a bit, and the kid-savior is a little annoying. It has the bones of a good flick but too many flaws to make it worth a franchise.
5.5 to 6 outta 10 range, mostly for a couple of decent performances and the fxs.

Necromancer (1988)-
A hot blonde gets r*ped by a rich douchebag at their school. She doesn't report it for fear of losing her scholarship, and instead makes a pact with a witchy lady to extract revenge on those who cross her. Of course, this goes out of control.
Not much to recommend here. Mostly poor acting, story and related execution is meh, some decent fxs mixed in with the poor.
3.5 to 4 outta 10 range. Bargain bin crap.

Shock Treatment (1964)-
(I couldn't find a trailer, but here is the whole movie)
No, not the weird sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Roddy McDowell plays a gardener who kills his benefactor and burns up a bunch of money. He gets put into an insane asylum under the treatment of Dr. Lauren Bacall. Meanwhile an actor (our main protagonist) gets hired to enter the asylum and find out if Roddy is hiding the $$ somewhere.
This one is obviously heavily influenced by Psycho as Roddy channels a slightly less creepy Norman Bates. Lauren Bacall plays a kinda Nurse Ratched precursor as the scheming doctor.
Some good acting and direction. The story is generally interesting and flows well (it does bog down a bit at times). The asylum has some convincing folks in it, but too many hot ladies are blended in and the social aspects within the institute are a bit weird.
I'll go about a 6 to 6.5 outta 10 range. Worth a watch for the historians who have already seen the standards. Surprisingly, Lauren Bacall thought it was one of the worst of her career (she is wrong on that count).

Kill, Baby, Kill (1966)-
A doctor called to an isolated village to autopsy strange deaths. The villagers are hostile towards the outsiders and little help (what a surprise!). The doctor and detective find out that the ghost of a small girl killed during a parade(?) is extracting revenge through the powers of her Baroness mother.
As per Italian giallo "rules" the storyline is a bit convoluted but it makes up for it with creepy atmosphere. The acting from ok to not great, but it is hard to judge with the dubbing factor.
This one has a lot of praise from the likes of Fellini, Scorsese, and David Lynch, and has been noted as a huge genre influence. Personally, I enjoyed it but I don't think it is great (maybe a better copy, or a restored version might have made it better for me?)
6 outta 10 from me. I can see the good points but I don't feel it has aged well.

Twists of Terror (1997)-
(No trailer, but a clip)
Kinda a pleasant surprise!
A made for Canadian cable anthology from the writer of The Crow.
The framing narrative involves a crazed guy living in a filthy city apartment filled with newspaper articles about horrible things. He rants about how bad things are and then shows us some articles.........
The first story involves a couple that is forced off the road and wreaks their car in the middle of nowhere. They get a ride from a van guy and his partner only to be taken to a cabin and beaten. Threats and violence occur, and the wife escapes into the woods..........only things aren't what they seem.
Story #2 is about a guy who gets attacked by a dog, and stumbles into a hospital. He gets treatments and reassurances from the hot nurse, but the hospital is creepy and he can't seem to leave.
I got the "twist" early on, and this one drags on a bit too long. But it is still fairly horrific.
The final tale involves a shy chick who meets a stranger for a steamy sexual encounter. Everything goes well.......until it doesn't.
This movie got generally negative reviews but I kinda liked it. Despite the flaws, the stories themselves are generally pretty nasty and weird. Overall, it really doesn't go anywhere but I am a sucker for anthologies and the segments here are all pretty fun in their own way.

I'll go against the consensus and give it a 7 outta 10. Not perfect by any means but it does have the 3 Bs (blood, breasts, and beasts) so Joe Bob would approve!

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Lol! That would be so much fun on a busy beach!

Problem is im fairly certain only about 10% of this state DOESNT own a gun so the prank would be very short lived

 

[returnofjakedog]

.........next round.......

Brain Damage (1988)-
Here is an odd one-
A weird parasite that looks like a burned up phallus with a face attaches itself to a guy via the brainstem and feeds him addictive euphoric hallucinogens in exchange for human brains for it's own consumption (that is a sentence I never thought I would write)! His girlfriend and brother try to help him as he isolates himself and a neighborhood bodycount starts building.......

Low budget and often poor acting hinder an awesome story of weird gore.
I remember thinking early on that "This feels like Basketcase", then I found out it was from Frank Hennenlotter who did the Basketcase movies, and Frankenhooker. There is even a scene where the guy from Basketcase makes a cameo!

I'll go 6 to 7 outta 10 area. If you can get by the budget constraints, the bizarre tale, and can handle low budget schlock it is pretty fun.

Keeping with the brain theme......
BrainWaves (1982)-
A lady gets severe brain damage after she is hit by a car. Some doctors do an experimental treatment that allows her to recover almost all of her functioning but they used a murder victim for the "repair" and she starts having memory flashes of being stalked and killed. The idiot husband investigates but unwittingly alerts the killer who moves to try to halt the situation.
An interesting premise with not bad execution.
I almost turned this off at the start when I saw Ulli Lommel directed it as his Zombie Nation was one of, if not the worst, I've ever seen. But this was much better (nowhere to go but up!)
Whereas Zombie Nation was a complete pile of crap on all levels, this one actually looked professional. The editing was good, professional shots, decent actors, etc.
The story was slow and kinda boring at times. The leads make some questionable decisions. Not much in the fxs department.
4.5 outta 10 from me, which is actually a pleasant surprise considering the source.


Saint Sinner (2002)-
A Clive Barker tale!
A monk in 1815 unwittingly frees 2 trapped succubi. The demons travel to "modern day" via a wheel of time (this monastery has a locked repository of magical items), and the monk is sent to recapture and return them.

Good and bad here.
The story is pretty cool (again, Barker) but the execution is spotty and the flow isn't great. The fxs are generally quite good with lots of slime and gross body horror stuff. However the leads are both rather poor actors and charisma vacuums. The succubus ladies do good as baddies but their decision making is kinda stupid.

I'll go 5.5 to 6 outta 10, which is actually pretty good for a SyFy flick!

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)-

......not really horror persay, but certainly some horror elements in it.
Typical D-n-D type fare with a rouge prince whose parents were killed years ago seeks revenge. The treasonous king awakened an inhuman demon wizard to achieve his victory, and now the prince must battle them for justice and to get some medieval hot babes.

I remember this one from back in the day! It is a good looking movie with a fairly generic story that has extra elements added in to try to set it apart. The sword fighting is fun, and the sets and shots are great. Richard Lynch is good as the baddie (he always is), and Richard Moll in a bunch of make up and coated in spaghetti sauce is an intimidating sorcerer. But the main hero is kinda meh, and the love interest/princess (who may or may not be his sister?!?!?) don't really stand out much. A good amount of nekid damsels is also a plus.

6.5 to 7 from me. I might be slightly over-rating it due to my personal nostalgia? But it is still fun.

......another fun, yet not quite horror movie....
Freaked (1993)-
Grunge era weirdness directed by Alex Winter (Bill from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) who also stars.
Alex plays a scumbag actor who agrees to be a spokesperson for an evil corporate empire. However his vehicle breaks down near a freak show ran by Randy Quaid who captures people and genetically transforms them into really bizarre mutants. All of the freaks work together to escape all well performing comedic almost-skits.
Awesome casting with Mr. T as the bearded lady, Keanu Reeves as the dog faced boy, William Sadler, an eventually giant Brooke Shields, Bobcat Goldthwait, etc. The costumes and puppetry work are both over the top, and fun, as are the pacing. Lots of slime and some gore tossed in. The script makes no sense, there is barely a plot.
The soundtrack is awesome from the likes of Henry Rollins, The Butthole Surfers, Blind Idiot God, etc.
A 6.5 outta 10 from me. A lot of people won't like the stupid ridiculousness of it all but those who like it will get a bunch of laughs.

 

[DJ Fieri]