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OT: Jokes and Riddles thread

ANGELAKERAMS

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This old man moves to a new town in Texas. He walks into the local pub, goes up to the bartender and asks for 3 mugs of beer.

The bartender pours the 3 mugs. The old man takes them to a table, sits down, and proceeds to takes a sip out of each mug until the beers are all gone.

He goes back up to the bartender and asks for 3 more mugs of beer. The bartender says “ you know the beer is fresher when I pour them one at a time “. The old man agrees but explains that he and his 2 brothers always agreed they would have drinks together no matter where they live. So, one beer was for him, and the other 2 were for his brothers.

The bartender gives a nod and pours the 3 beers and the old man goes back to the table and proceeds to drink the 3 beers in the same manner.

The old man becomes a regular and the locals and bartender know him and his brothers tradition well.

One day, the old man comes in and only orders 2 beers. The bartender pours the 2 beers and the old man goes back to his usual table to drink the beers. All the locals in the bar go quiet and somber watching him drink the 2 beers.

After finishing the beers, the old man goes to order 2 more. The bartender says “ I don’t mean to pry, but I want to offer my condolences on your loss “. The old man is a bit confused and then realizes what the bartender meant. He says “ Oh, no, my brothers are fine. My wife and I started attending this new church, and I have to cut back on my drinking. Doesn’t affect my brothers though”.
 

buffhockey550

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Two guys, one old timer and one in his mid 20's, are pushing their carts around Lowe's when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's a funny coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old timer says, "Doesn't matter--let's look for yours."
 

sbb122

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Two guys, one old timer and one in his mid 20's, are pushing their carts around Lowe's when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's a funny coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old timer says, "Doesn't matter--let's look for yours."


Reminded me of this gem…


A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

"The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits."
 

elocomotive

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supernatural-dean-winchester.gif
 

Debbie Does

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A Texan, a New Yorker, and a downeast fisherman from Maine were in a bar.

The Texan orderes a bottle of Tequila, pours himself a shot, covers the bottle, drinks the shot, throws the bottle up in the air, draws his Colt 45 and shoots the bottle out of the air. “In Texas, we have plenty of Tequila,“ he says.

The New Yorker orders a bottle of wine, pours a glass, recorks the bottle, sips the wine, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out a Saturday Night Special and shoots the bottle out of the air. “In New York, we have plenty of fine wine.”

The Mainer orders a bottle of Seadog Ale from Maine’s Shipyard brewery. He pours the bottle into his glass and sips it. Then he throws the bottle into the air, pulls out his Smith and Wesson and shoots the New Yorker! He catches the bottle and puts it back on the bar. “In Maine,” he says, “we recycle these. But we’ve got plenty of New Yawkahs.”
 
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