OT: Jokes and Riddles thread

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Bono and The Edge walk into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "Oh no, not U2 again"

 

[DragonfromTO]

I thought this is what they won?

Dildo or dildo not. There is no guy.

 

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Q. My son has been eating electrical cords, what do I do?
A. Ground him until he conducts himself properly

 

[naslundfan19]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?


Look for the fresh prints.

 

[forty_three]

A man is sitting in the living room watching TV when his wife calls out from another room:

"Babe, do you ever get a shooting pain in your side like someone is stabbing a voodoo doll of you?"

"No" he calls back.

"How about now?"

 

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Q. What do you call a hen who can count her own eggs?

A. A mathemachicken

 

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Back in my 20's, I dated a girl who had a twin and my friends asked me how I was able to tell them apart. I answered that it was pretty easy, Jill had blue eyes and Jack had a dick.

 

[buffhockey]

 

[Comeds]

A guy walks into a grocery store and says to the grocer, “I’d like a half a pound of lox, a pint of cream cheese, and…”
Then he stops because he’s puzzled by the store shelves filled with just boxes and boxes of salt. He says to the grocer, “You’ve got so many boxes of salt on your shelves. I’ve never seen so much salt! Excuse me for asking but…do you sell a lot of salt?”
The grocer replies, “Meh…to tell you the truth if I sell a box of salt a week I’m lucky. I don’t sell a lot of salt. But the guy that sells me salt…BOY! CAN HE SELL SALT!”

 

[buffhockey]

 

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My kids are offended by my Frozen jokes and I wish they could just let it go...

 

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[buffhockey]

 

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[mattola]

 

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