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Jeff Long: I call this meeting to order. I see all members are present except for Messrs. Mike Gould and Pat Haden.
Mike Tranghese: They’re in the back room playing Super Mario Brothers on Nintendo. They say their eyes hurt from watching the AAC and they don’t want to think about football.
Jeff Long: I understand but they need to vote.
Tyrone Willingham: Pat said whatever Condi thinks is what he votes. Mike concurred.
Jeff Long: Ms. Rice are you comfortable with that?
Condoleezza Rice: If the esteemed gentlemen wisely choose to tether their votes with mine then I’m amenable to voting on their behalf.
Steve Wieberg: Huh?
Dan Radakovich: She said if Gould and Holden don’t want to vote she’ll vote for them.
Jeff Long: Yea… sounds good to me. So we agree on Alabama, Oregon and TCU as one thru three. The question is Baylor, Ohio State or FSU as number four? Since Archie has the ACC let’s hear from him first. Archie…
Archie Manning: Except for Florida State the ACC sucks.
Oliver Luck: I second that motion!
Mike Tranghese: Damn straight the ACC sucks! Especially Notre Dame!
Tyrone Willingham: I second that motion! Notre Dame sucks!
Oliver Luck: The ACC sucks and Notre Dame swallows!
Dan Radakovich: Hey fellass not all the ACC sucks.
Condoleezza Rice: It is my belief that if not for the inbreed nature of the ACC schedules the ACC would, in fact, prove to be the weakest of the so-called power five conferences.
Archie Manning: Florida State is good. They might be able to win the SEC East.
Oliver Luck: Come on Archie. FSU played Pitt! Does any school that has a win over Pitt on its resume deserve to be in the playoffs?
Tyrone Willingham: And what about Notre Dame? Those pansy gold-shoe-wearing domers almost beat FSU.
Mike Tranghese: I say we send a message to the ACC and leave FSU out.
Jeff Long: Can’t do that Mike. How about we drop FSU to number 4? That should send the message the ACC sucks. Let me see a show of hands. All in favor?
(Nobody votes in favor of keeping FSU in the top four)
Jeff Long: Come on kids! I know you all hate the ACC but FSU is the defending national champion! An undefeated national champion!
Barry Alvarez: Okay I’ll vote for FSU. (Raises hand)
Jeff Long: General?
Mike Gould: I have no plane on this bombing run Jeff but I’ll play along. (Raises hand)
Jeff Long: Condi?
Condoleezza Rice: Based on my personal analysis and scrutiny of the metrics I find other more deserving candidates in the SEC and Big 12.
Jeff Long: Dan?
Dan Radakovich: I can’t vote for FSU. They’ll use it against us in recruiting.
Jeff Long: I need one more vote?
Oliver Luck: Okay Jeff let’s make a deal. I’ll vote for including FSU if you agree to pinky-swear to never, ever, ever even consider ranking Marshall or allowing them in an access bowl.
Jeff Long: Hmmm… let me think on that Ollie. What do you think Condi?
Condoleezza Rice: My assessment of MooU has not changed. They are to the elite of college football what the nation of Turkey is to the European Union.
Jeff Long: Yea they suck. Okay Oliver we have a deal. FSU is the number four team.
Mike Tranghese: They’re in the back room playing Super Mario Brothers on Nintendo. They say their eyes hurt from watching the AAC and they don’t want to think about football.
Jeff Long: I understand but they need to vote.
Tyrone Willingham: Pat said whatever Condi thinks is what he votes. Mike concurred.
Jeff Long: Ms. Rice are you comfortable with that?
Condoleezza Rice: If the esteemed gentlemen wisely choose to tether their votes with mine then I’m amenable to voting on their behalf.
Steve Wieberg: Huh?
Dan Radakovich: She said if Gould and Holden don’t want to vote she’ll vote for them.
Jeff Long: Yea… sounds good to me. So we agree on Alabama, Oregon and TCU as one thru three. The question is Baylor, Ohio State or FSU as number four? Since Archie has the ACC let’s hear from him first. Archie…
Archie Manning: Except for Florida State the ACC sucks.
Oliver Luck: I second that motion!
Mike Tranghese: Damn straight the ACC sucks! Especially Notre Dame!
Tyrone Willingham: I second that motion! Notre Dame sucks!
Oliver Luck: The ACC sucks and Notre Dame swallows!
Dan Radakovich: Hey fellass not all the ACC sucks.
Condoleezza Rice: It is my belief that if not for the inbreed nature of the ACC schedules the ACC would, in fact, prove to be the weakest of the so-called power five conferences.
Archie Manning: Florida State is good. They might be able to win the SEC East.
Oliver Luck: Come on Archie. FSU played Pitt! Does any school that has a win over Pitt on its resume deserve to be in the playoffs?
Tyrone Willingham: And what about Notre Dame? Those pansy gold-shoe-wearing domers almost beat FSU.
Mike Tranghese: I say we send a message to the ACC and leave FSU out.
Jeff Long: Can’t do that Mike. How about we drop FSU to number 4? That should send the message the ACC sucks. Let me see a show of hands. All in favor?
(Nobody votes in favor of keeping FSU in the top four)
Jeff Long: Come on kids! I know you all hate the ACC but FSU is the defending national champion! An undefeated national champion!
Barry Alvarez: Okay I’ll vote for FSU. (Raises hand)
Jeff Long: General?
Mike Gould: I have no plane on this bombing run Jeff but I’ll play along. (Raises hand)
Jeff Long: Condi?
Condoleezza Rice: Based on my personal analysis and scrutiny of the metrics I find other more deserving candidates in the SEC and Big 12.
Jeff Long: Dan?
Dan Radakovich: I can’t vote for FSU. They’ll use it against us in recruiting.
Jeff Long: I need one more vote?
Oliver Luck: Okay Jeff let’s make a deal. I’ll vote for including FSU if you agree to pinky-swear to never, ever, ever even consider ranking Marshall or allowing them in an access bowl.
Jeff Long: Hmmm… let me think on that Ollie. What do you think Condi?
Condoleezza Rice: My assessment of MooU has not changed. They are to the elite of college football what the nation of Turkey is to the European Union.
Jeff Long: Yea they suck. Okay Oliver we have a deal. FSU is the number four team.
Thanks.
