Horror Movies

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Lol!

I'd negotiate:

Santanico Pandemonium: I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.

Me: Sounds good to me as long as I get 90 minutes a week with you in Salma form! Deal??

Santanico Pandemonium: Ummmmmm.......what?!?

Me: Can we get a notary in here? Let's close this thing!

Santanico Pandemonium: You're not supposed to want this! What is wrong with you?

Me (shoving a pen into her hand): SIGN Dammit!!

Me: Not gonna drain me completely? My balls will beg the differ. And screw the blood of stray dogs if ya turn me… I’ll settle for your used tampons… or do vampires not do that sort of thing anymore?

Santanico: That’s…that’s not right

Me: What’s it like down there anyway? Hairy, waxed, vagazzled, vagina dentata? I’ve always liked my roast beef to have some bite

Santanico: on second thought I’ll just snap your neck

Me: oooh you naughty girl. By the way my safe word is Tarantino

 

[returnofjakedog]

Me: Not gonna drain me completely? My balls will beg the differ. And screw the blood of stray dogs if ya turn me… I’ll settle for your used tampons… or do vampires not do that sort of thing anymore?

Santanico: That’s…that’s not right

Me: What’s it like down there anyway? Hairy, waxed, vagazzled, vagina dentata? I’ve always liked my roast beef to have some bite

Santanico: on second thought I’ll just snap your neck

Me: oooh you naughty girl. By the way my safe word is Tarantino

There is a is an "open mouth, insert foot" joke somewhere in the vicinity!

(The Gecko Brothers turn and proceed to shoot me in the head many times for the bad pun)

 

[returnofjakedog]

The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)-

Another Stuart Gordon flick! I am surprised that I haven't really heard anything about this one before.

This is a fictional take on the Spanish Inquisition led by the infamous Grand Inquisitor Torquemada.

So one of my favs, Lance Henriksen, is the aforementioned crazed witch torturer Torquemada. He hides behind the church's power, and ruthlessly tortures in the dungeon and publicly executes anyone who dares to cross him. A young baker goes to an execution to sell his bread, only to have his stupid wife freak out and get hauled off as a suspected witch. From there the situation worsens as the wife is painfully tortured, humiliated, and r*ped. The baker tries to rescue her (several times) only to be captured and beaten himself. Eventually there is a bunch of supernatural stuff, sword fights, lots of torture, and things escalate towards an kinda weird, kinda upbeat ending.

There is a lot of mixed bag stuff in this one.
*Acting. Lance Henriksen chews up scenery as the evil torturer, and the always good Jeffery Combs plays a supporting role as one of his assistants. But the lead protagonists (baker and wife) are average, and the rest of the cast varies from decent to mediocre, with some serious overacting thrown in (probably as per direction).
They strangely have some actors kinda talk in period lingo, but others just speak in modern english.
*Some good fxs, but overall a bit light on that end with a few exceptions (the scene where they burn an old lady witch, but she has eaten a bunch of explosives, and kills a bunch of folks with bone shrapnel and guts in the ensuing kaboom is pretty awesome). The majority of the horror is torture violence and Henriksen's crazed behavior.
*Inconsistent tone and feel. Horrific torture is book ended by almost Monty Python style humor. Throw in some supernatural stuff in one aspect of the story, and it also turns into a swashbuckling sword fighting tale in several scenes. All of this with Lance encompassing it all with completely insane behavior.

Not Gordon's best movie (Re-Animator, From Beyond) but still a fun watch if you don't take it too seriously. It can get rather ridiculous at times.

I am a bit torn. Early on I didn't like it as much until the weirdness ramped up a bit and I realized what it was. It is a bit all over the place, and the story takes a long time to get anywhere.

6 to 6.5 outta 10 range I guess? For me it was worth it just to see Lance Henriksen and Jeffery Combs onscreen together! Plus, if nothing else, Stuart Gordon is always fun!

 

[Nasty_Magician]

Watched Bloodfest on Amazon and enjoyed it. Sort of a Cabin in the Woods vibe to it, kind of fun and not a lot of thought needed. Definitely worth a watch.

 

[Nasty_Magician]

The Night House.

There are some nice shots and the acting is fine, but I can't help but feel like nothing was fully fleshed out. The movie is about a woman learning to deal with her husband who killed himself when she never thought anything was wrong. She slowly begins to discover that he had this other life that she never noticed. I don't think they are exactly spoilers, but I will leave out what that life was. This movie discusses life after death, love, and grief and doesn't dive deep enough into the life after death part and I feel that way because as the movie progresses, that really feels like the focus annnnd just as it feels like it is going to climax and bring an understanding about wtf is going on, it ends.

Personally, I hate when movies do that or leave things up to the imagination of the audience. I want you to tell me a story, a complete story. I don't want to guess or assume what happened, is going to happen, or what it is really about.

6/10. Could have been a lot better.

Felt the same way. Some great suspense and a lot of taunting scares (in a good way) and the few jump scares they had were legit, really well placed jumps. But I felt like they could have cut some fat from the first third of the movie and punched up/elaborated the final third.

Solid movie but could have been great. 6/10 is pretty accurate.

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

@FaCe-LeE-uS @returnofjakedog

I couldn't even make it 1/3 of the way through Prey....

 

[DarthVedder]

I liked Prey, it's a solid 7 movie for me. I know this doesn't say a lot, but it's definitely the second best movie on the franchise.

Spoiler

I know some people are complaining calling it a "woke" movie, but IMO the female protagonist was alright, for the most part didn't show any abilities she wasn't supposed to have and wasn't portrayed as basically a superhero as many lazier movies do.

 

[Nasty_Magician]

I liked Prey, it's a solid 7 movie for me. I know this doesn't say a lot, but it's definitely the second best movie on the franchise.

Spoiler

I know some people are complaining calling it a "woke" movie, but IMO the female protagonist was alright, for the most part didn't show any abilities she wasn't supposed to have and wasn't portrayed as basically a superhero as many lazier movies do.

I liked it and thought it fit in well within the Predator world. The wokeness is easy enough to overlook. There's a 20 second sequence where she beats up one of the hunters which was a bit much but other than that it was fine.

 

[DarthVedder]

I liked it and thought it fit in well within the Predator world. The wokeness is easy enough to overlook. There's a 20 second sequence where she beats up one of the hunters which was a bit much but other than that it was fine.

The ones from her tribe? Yeah but she was the sister of their leader, so you could say that they were holding back, and they still managed to defeat her and tie her up.

 

[BeaReylo]

I think that he could have done a decent (but different) job in the original movie. But he wouldn't have been well suited for the more humor leaning sequels.

The make up looks good on him though!


Looking at his filmography, you tend to go "Wow, he was in a lot of stuff I've seen! I've forgotten he was in <insert film name here>!

As far as horror goes:
*From Beyond the Grave (74)- anthology film. I haven't seen it, but it is now on the list.
*The Omen (76)- A classic!
*Time After Time (79)- I remember this one! He plays the time traveling Jack the Ripper.
*Nightwing (79)- Apparently a Jaws rip off about bats??
*The Island (80)- I vaguely remember this one with the also prolific Michael Caine.
*The Company on Wolves (84)- I recall this is a trippy horror version of Little Red Riding Hood.
*My Best Friend is a Vampire (87)- Average horrorcom.
*Waxwork (88)- A fun but kinda mediocre one. Reviewed here recently.
*H.P. Lovecraft's Necronomicon (93)--Brian Yunza film with Jeffrey Combs. Also recently reviewed here.
*Body Bags (93)- John Carpenter anthology flick. Another that was reviewed here.
*In the Mouth of Madness (94)- John Carpenter classic! Love this weird flick.
*Ice Cream Man (95)- Starring Clint Howard. I recall this one kinda sucked.
*Scream 2 (97)- I forgot he was in this one!
*Straight Into Darkness (04)- Never heard of it. I will tentatively add it to my list.
*Black Death (10)- Sean Bean vehicle. I think I've seen it?

He also did episodes of The Outer Limits, Tales From the Crypt, Sweeny Todd, and Penny Dreadful.

.......thats just the horror, and I'm sure I missed something. A very prolific actor who will be missed.

I'll always remember him for Straw Dogs. I know it's late but RIP.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

@FaCe-LeE-uS @returnofjakedog

I couldn't even make it 1/3 of the way through Prey....

Is that the new Predator movie?

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

Is that the new Predator movie?

Yep.

 

[DJ Fieri]

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Yep.

Not surprised. The previous movie was a shitshow as well

 

[returnofjakedog]

@FaCe-LeE-uS @returnofjakedog

I couldn't even make it 1/3 of the way through Prey....

I liked Prey, it's a solid 7 movie for me. I know this doesn't say a lot, but it's definitely the second best movie on the franchise.

Spoiler

I know some people are complaining calling it a "woke" movie, but IMO the female protagonist was alright, for the most part didn't show any abilities she wasn't supposed to have and wasn't portrayed as basically a superhero as many lazier movies do.

I liked it and thought it fit in well within the Predator world. The wokeness is easy enough to overlook. There's a 20 second sequence where she beats up one of the hunters which was a bit much but other than that it was fine.

So far the reviews are generally good. 1 nay, and 2 yays here as of this post.

My bro-in-law wants to watch it but he has a low tolerence for "wokeness" so my guess is that he might take issue. It looks decent to me though. We will see!

Thus far in the Predator series:

1: Predator- excellent creature, great jungle setting, and maybe the most macho cast ever! A classic of '80s action cheese blended with solid creature feature.

2: Predators- I really like it. Adrian Brody is a weird choice for an action hero but he works, the jungle setting (albeit an alien planet) returns, and the predators are pretty nasty. Essentially largely a retelling of the original. I think that it is actually slightly better than the original overall but doesn't have the legendary personalities of the original cast to carry it (don't kill me! Just my spin on it.)

3. Predator 2: Another that I feel is underrated. Follows up the first but switches to a dirty, dark city setting. Danny Glover is good, as is supporting cast with the likes of Bill Paxton, Maria Conchita Alonso, and Scary Gary Busey.

4. Alien vs Predator Requiem: a sharp drop off from the previous movies. This one is better than its predecessor but is very dark (in lighting), and has the Predator teaming up with the humans for some stupid reason. It isn't bad, but not great either.

5. Alien vs Predator: Brainless action attempt. Not much to say other than Alien might be my fav all time franchise, and the Predator franchise is also great, but I didn't like this one much, which is telling.

6. The Predator- An abortion of an attempt to make a good movie. The Super Predator was a good concept but doesn't look great, the lead is the least memorable character is it, the supporting cast acts like idiots all the time, and the attempt to appeal to the younger demographic with the annoying kid character and the ridiculous Predator Dog just sucks. I hate this movie.

My hope and guess is that Prey will be top 4 in my book. If it approaches Predator 2, then I will be happy with it.

We will see!

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

@FaCe-LeE-uS @returnofjakedog

I couldn't even make it 1/3 of the way through Prey....

I liked Prey, it's a solid 7 movie for me. I know this doesn't say a lot, but it's definitely the second best movie on the franchise.

Spoiler

I know some people are complaining calling it a "woke" movie, but IMO the female protagonist was alright, for the most part didn't show any abilities she wasn't supposed to have and wasn't portrayed as basically a superhero as many lazier movies do.

I liked it and thought it fit in well within the Predator world. The wokeness is easy enough to overlook. There's a 20 second sequence where she beats up one of the hunters which was a bit much but other than that it was fine.

So far the reviews are generally good. 1 nay, and 2 yays here as of this post.

My bro-in-law wants to watch it but he has a low tolerence for "wokeness" so my guess is that he might take issue. It looks decent to me though. We will see!

Thus far in the Predator series:

1: Predator- excellent creature, great jungle setting, and maybe the most macho cast ever! A classic of '80s action cheese blended with solid creature feature.

2: Predators- I really like it. Adrian Brody is a weird choice for an action hero but he works, the jungle setting (albeit an alien planet) returns, and the predators are pretty nasty. Essentially largely a retelling of the original. I think that it is actually slightly better than the original overall but doesn't have the legendary personalities of the original cast to carry it (don't kill me! Just my spin on it.)

3. Predator 2: Another that I feel is underrated. Follows up the first but switches to a dirty, dark city setting. Danny Glover is good, as is supporting cast with the likes of Bill Paxton, Maria Conchita Alonso, and Scary Gary Busey.

4. Alien vs Predator Requiem: a sharp drop off from the previous movies. This one is better than its predecessor but is very dark (in lighting), and has the Predator teaming up with the humans for some stupid reason. It isn't bad, but not great either.

5. Alien vs Predator: Brainless action attempt. Not much to say other than Alien might be my fav all time franchise, and the Predator franchise is also great, but I didn't like this one much, which is telling.

6. The Predator- An abortion of an attempt to make a good movie. The Super Predator was a good concept but doesn't look great, the lead is the least memorable character is it, the supporting cast acts like idiots all the time, and the attempt to appeal to the younger demographic with the annoying kid character and the ridiculous Predator Dog just sucks. I hate this movie.

My hope and guess is that Prey will be top 4 in my book. If it approaches Predator 2, then I will be happy with it.

We will see!

Watching it now... So far so good

Other than watchin this chick go stride for stride with a whitetail... lmao Usain Bolt of Commanches

And then her dog somehow sets off a wolf trap with its tail?

 

[BeaReylo]

So far the reviews are generally good. 1 nay, and 2 yays here as of this post.

My bro-in-law wants to watch it but he has a low tolerence for "wokeness" so my guess is that he might take issue. It looks decent to me though. We will see!

Thus far in the Predator series:

1: Predator- excellent creature, great jungle setting, and maybe the most macho cast ever! A classic of '80s action cheese blended with solid creature feature.

2: Predators- I really like it. Adrian Brody is a weird choice for an action hero but he works, the jungle setting (albeit an alien planet) returns, and the predators are pretty nasty. Essentially largely a retelling of the original. I think that it is actually slightly better than the original overall but doesn't have the legendary personalities of the original cast to carry it (don't kill me! Just my spin on it.)

3. Predator 2: Another that I feel is underrated. Follows up the first but switches to a dirty, dark city setting. Danny Glover is good, as is supporting cast with the likes of Bill Paxton, Maria Conchita Alonso, and Scary Gary Busey.

4. Alien vs Predator Requiem: a sharp drop off from the previous movies. This one is better than its predecessor but is very dark (in lighting), and has the Predator teaming up with the humans for some stupid reason. It isn't bad, but not great either.

5. Alien vs Predator: Brainless action attempt. Not much to say other than Alien might be my fav all time franchise, and the Predator franchise is also great, but I didn't like this one much, which is telling.

6. The Predator- An abortion of an attempt to make a good movie. The Super Predator was a good concept but doesn't look great, the lead is the least memorable character is it, the supporting cast acts like idiots all the time, and the attempt to appeal to the younger demographic with the annoying kid character and the ridiculous Predator Dog just sucks. I hate this movie.

My hope and guess is that Prey will be top 4 in my book. If it approaches Predator 2, then I will be happy with it.

We will see!

Prey is an excellent entry in the Predator franchise and the second best movie IMO.

I'm not into woke politics either but I can look past it if the source material is good. That being said I didn't find the movie woke at all? Having a strong female lead is a staple in the horror and sci-fi genre so having a girl as the star (nor diversity) doesn't automatically make it so. The closest to woke it gets is when Naru gets in a fist fight with a guy and she hold her own and even then the tussle is played more realistically than most film brawls.
I'm sure your bro-in law will dig it and not get to annoyed.

For the most part I agree with your list except I would flip Predator 2 and Predators. But I grew up with P2 so I am admittedly biased. Lol.

 

[returnofjakedog]

Ummmmmm..............I'm assuming that is a joke, but the article seems to be serious.

My big question is how does RZ "do his thang", turn the Munsters' clan into horrible, despicable "white" trash, and turn the (presumably) disgusting antagonists into sympathetic characters.

I'm guessing whatever studio backing they have gets pulled at some point in pre-production when the suits sober up and realize what this will be.

But hey, at least we would certainly get a return of Dragula!

Well, apparently Rob Zombie's The Munsters isn't going to theatres, or even to the production company's service Peacock. Nope, it is getting dumped straight to Netflix.

Might be one of the biggest $40+ million mistakes ever..........

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Well, apparently Rob Zombie's The Munsters isn't going to theatres, or even to the production company's service Peacock. Nope, it is getting dumped straight to Netflix.

Might be one of the biggest $40+ million mistakes ever..........

Hasn’t he had a few post-production flops? He should be thankful for streaming & VOD these days that know they can take the risk.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]