F**K Everbody: I'm Gonna Insult Every P5 Team in Due Time in This Thread

[MizzouFalcon]

Next week? Try November

I can’t wait that long.

 

[HuskerOC]

COLORADO: Sal is Dead Go Big Red! These asshats think they r being ejumicated in Boulder. You'll find more pot in that stadium than in Wild Turkey's basement. Not since Darian Hagan and a fake flag did these clowns win the most undeserving Natty since BYU. Sanctuary state my ass. You guys still suck.

DUKE: You ass-weasels make Kansas look like a football school. Your best coach in Steve Spurrier left after an 8 win season because he knew you guys sucked more than Jenna Jameson. Not even Coach K with 19 z's , k's, and y's in his name can coach this team to win.

FLORIDA: I can clap my hands within my shoulders you fucking morons. Galen Hall hired more whores and bitches before Jimmy Johnson knew that was a winning strategy at Miami. Only problem was that dumbass got caught. Between Danny Wuerful and that shit-assed Tim Tebow, they have more prayers than snaps in the NFL. Holy fuck what a bunch of self-righteous assholes these asshats are. Lake Placid 5: Fuck Florida.

FLORIDA STATE: Bobby Bowden retired. That didn't mean you had to shut down your program. Shit, even the dude that followed him and won a Natty got the fuck out. Your only player to win a Heisman was a fucking Basketball player. JFC you guys have more talent within 10 miles of your campus than 99% of the schools on this planet, and you still suck more ass than a gay pron film. I wouldn't hire Willie Taggart to coach my son's flag football team.

GEORGIA: Herschel Walker. That is all you cunts have. You dickfucks have had more talent than anybody in the cuntry dating back to your 1980 Natty, and still ain't won shit. Now you haz a Bama Saban reject retard you think getz you sorry azzes over that goal. Jake Fromm Allstate is pure shit and you know it. Didn't you dipshits lose like 15 str8 in that cocktail party that served Shirley Temples? JFC, get some, and get a pair.

GEORGIA TECH: How can you be in Atlanta and suck as bad as this team of complete fucklessness? If it weren't for a miracle in 1990, this team would be more remembered for having a jalopy rolling on to the field with a bunch of drunk losers hanging out the windows. At least they got rid of a coach that wanted to run a veer option offense like that asshat from the Hoosiers movie. (sarcasm, let it sink in a bit).

 

[fordman84]

I hope the Huskers just get a "Is it Nebrasketball season yet?"


Also, 1000 vCash says the one for Aggies is unoriginal and I've heard worse daily from Jexas fans.

 

[MizzouFalcon]

I hope the Huskers just get a "Is it Nebrasketball season yet?"


Also, 1000 vCash says the one for Aggies is unoriginal and I've heard worse daily from Jexas fans.

If he doesn’t mention the jar his heart clearly isn’t in this.

 

[BigAppleBadger]

By the time you get to Wisconsin we’ll probably have dropped 50 points on your “Blackshirts”.

 

[HuskerOC]

ILLINOIS: Jeff f**king George sums up this shithole perfectly. All talent, all hat, and pure fucking pussy. This school has never mattered. Ever. Has anybody other than a WW1 veteran seen this team beat anybody of note? Hard to believe that Red Grange and Dick Butkus played at this shithole. FFS if you are gonna name your town Champaign, why not actually name it Champagne?

INDIANA: Even Bobby Knight says you guise suck. Fuck this team, not worth anybodies time.

IOWA: Hayden Fry and Kirk Ferentz. Pretty much sums up the mediocrity of acceptance of this shit-hammer of nothingness. These dumbfucks still haven't found their G-Spot after getting ass-hammered by Michigan and Ohio State for so many years they simply accept getting ass-holed by anybody and everybody with a pulse. It is like watching Deliverence in slow-motion every single fucking year.

IOWA STATE: See previous entry. Your in-state brethren suck. You suck even more. I've heard from some serious doctors that anybody that has ever been to Ames got AIDS.

KANSAS: Not sure this team could consistently go .500 in the JUCO ranks in their own state year in and year out. Les Miles took this job on a plercy post and will at least drag some money out of this shithole of a football school. I went to school around these parts and they are more clueless than Taylor Swift in an Algebra class.

KANSAS STATE: The fucktards of all fucktards. This clown show set a record for futility before Grandpa Snyder showed up. On a good note, these guise give out more scholarships to untalented white guise than any other school in the cuntry. Their fanbase is dumber than Joe Biden after drinking 12 beers.

 

[HuskerOC]

KENTUCKY: See Kansas, Duke, and forthcoming North Carolina. You suck. You will always suck and you are a basketball school. Nobody cares about you in your conference. Not even your fans.

LSU: I've never been drunker than a Monday after an LSU Saturday night game. Deez bitches is crazier than a Florida Man on meth, or a bedeviled ex-girlfriend. Not a single one of deez fuckasses speaks a lick of English though, and their Head Corch in Eddie O leads the charge. Swamp People is fuggin' righteous for this band of misfit drunks, retards, and toothless banjo players. I still love these bastards though.

LOUISVILLE: Is that motorcycle ridin' cheating sum-bitch still coaching? Fuck this school anyway, only thing worth watching in the 'Ville is the ponies.

MARYLAND: Boomer Esiason is the only thing worthwhile coming out of this turtle-fucking hole of a nowhere program. And that is a stretch. Does anybody even know where this school is and where the fuck they try to play football? Not even their fans can find the stadium for this train-wreck.

 

[Tenn"cock]

*waits impatiently to hear the praise that will be heaped upon the mighty Gamecocks*

 

[Innermind]

Here's some classy entertainment while you wait for the next round:

 

[HuskerOC]

MIAMI: Stick that turnover chain right up your pooper you repugnant assholes. There isn't a program alive that has 'graduated' more asshats than this outfit of degenerates. The entire cuntry roots against this team every week. Not because they are like the Yankees or Patriots,but because they are everything that is wrong about sports. This school needs an enema, and a permanent vacation to shitville.

MICHIGAN: Nobody outside of Ann Arbor, MI likes this team of arrogant assholes. Bo Schembechler was an average coach. Your uniforms aren't great, and "The Big House" is more overrated than a Caesar Salad. Jim Harbaugh is your program. A social degenerate that thinks he is better and smarter than everybody else. Everybody hates you, not because you are good, but because you're a bunch of fucking assholes.

MICHIGAN STATE: Vanilla has more taste than this team. Hard to say anything good or bad about Michigan State. They are..., Michigan State.

MINNESOTA: Go row your fucking boat elsewhere you over-excited 6 year old in the cereal aisle. How could anybody play for Richard Simmons on steroids? Watching and rooting for this team is like begging to see squirrels fuck.

 

[TigerBait1971]

LSU: I've never been drunker than a Monday after an LSU Saturday night game. Deez bitches is crazier than a Florida Man on meth, or a bedeviled ex-girlfriend. Not a single one of deez fuckasses speaks a lick of English though, and their Head Corch in Eddie O leads the charge. Swamp People is fuggin' righteous for this band of misfit drunks, retards, and toothless banjo players. I still love these bastards though.

 

[HuskerOC]

OLE MISS: I guess The Grove is pretty damn kickass and the co-eds are hotter than the Sun. Even Eli Manning got laid at this school. Outside of being drunker than 7 Detroit UAW members on payday, WTF has this shithouse of a program ever done?

MISSISSIPPI STATE: If I ever brought a cowbell to a stadium to root for my team, I hope to shit somebody would kick the ever-loving shit out of me. This could be the biggest collection of retards on the college football planet. And if you have ever been to Stankville, MS, then you know I'm being fair and righteous.

MISSOURI: Making fun of Missouri is like kissing your sister or having sex with your cuzin.

NEBRASKA: Talk about your fucking retards. These dumbfucks have packed their stadium for the last 20 years even though they have sucked more hind tit than @iowajerms . And here these asshats think Scott Frost is the savior-boy that is gonna save the day. 4-8 clown shoes, and a loss in back-to-back seasons to shit-ass Colorado. Talk about a bunch of fucking has beens. Most of these dipshits are probably still jacking off to '90s videos of Tommie Frazier and Lawrence Phillips.

 

[BoiseStateFan27]

Can't insult my team bitch

 

[HuskerOC]

NORTH CAROLINA: Is there a difference between North and South Carolina? I guess Mack Brown is back and so both schools have really shitty coaches and neither will ever win shit. Still remember Famous Amos Lawrence in the 80s. I believe that dude had the record for most consecutive games with a TD or something. Anyway, fuck these guise too. Go play some basketball with those fucking Duke nerds.

NORTH CAROLINA STATE: Holy shit, this state is reproducing shitty football teams. Maybe these two shitshows could somehow combine like the Super Twins and actually be something worthwhile? Somehow Phillip Rivers, Russell Wilson, and Tory Holt played here. How in the fuck did that happen?

NORTHWESTERN: Unlike the other brainiac schools, this school sucks at everything across the board. The mistake on the lake. Either way, this team is like watching elephants fuck. Gonna take a long time, you aren't sure if anything is actually happening, and never sure if anybody is happy while never enjoying anything about the process.

NOTRE DAME: Rudy was offsides you assholes. Everybody hates these Catholic pricks, and rightfully so. The supposed greatest program in college football history has not won a Natty since Ronald Reagan was President. Fuck everything about these guise and dey own network deal and never needing to join a conference. The late Beano Cook summed up these asshats in a single quote: "Ron Powlus will win 4 Heismans before he leaves Notre Dame". I speak for e'erybody. Go Fuck Yourselves Notre Dame.

 

[LionsWhyMe]

The OP is a fraud... Michigan State wasn't insulted.

 

[HuskerOC]

OHIO STATE: Righteous pricks of all pricks. O-H-I-O. Congrats, you mudder-fuckas can spell. The beloved Woody Hayes tackled a guy on the field in his late days cuz he couldn't handle losing. The Vest was a calculated asshole and cheated. And Urban Legend is as disgusting piece of shit we have all seen in quite some time. You fucktards don't give any shits other than winning. Of all the football factory programs out there, this may be the most disgusting of them all.

OKLAHOMA: They had a starting QB arrested and put in prison for master-minding a cocaine ring. But hey, Barry Switzer didn't give a shit, so why should I give a shit? In nutshell you can come down to 5 simple words for the Oklahoma football program: "Can he play on Saturday". Never matters how you get him there to play, just him there to play.

OKLAHOMA STATE: Fucking corch is 4o and has a fucking mullet only a pro wrassler would be proud about. I've been to Stillwater, that shithole is about as exciting as a Sunday brunch with the in-laws. These cheatin' sunsabitches paid for Gundy, Hart Lee Dykes, Thurman Thomas, Leslie O
'Neil and Barry Sanders and STILL couldn't win an 8 team conference. What a bunch of fucking losers.

OREGON: Fuck a duck. This complete shitshow of a program wants so mightily to believe they belong. You had your shot champ, even with the NIKE funding, gay as fuck uni's and all that. Still wasn't good enough. And then Chip left. My father's best friend played C for this shitnest of fuckville back in the day in the Rose Bowl. Still can't counter the loudest most extreme asshole fans on the internet though. Truly a special group of fucks.

OREGON STATE: Never mattered. And never will matter. Nobody gives a fuck about deez guise.

 

[HuskerOC]

PENN STATE: Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky. Fuck your program forever. You assholes never owned it, and still praise that piece of shit. I also went to your stadium back in 2002 and was never treated more unkindly than any other visiting stadium in my life. Beer bottles thrown at my head with violent intentions. One of my good friends took one of those in the head. Fuck you. Forever.

PITTSBURGH: Tony Dorsett. Hugh Green. Dan Marino. And like 9 nattys. Still nobody knows who da fuck you are. People in Pittsburgh don't even know who da fuck you are. Who da fuq are you and where da fuq you actually at?

PURDUE: QB U, right? Anybody know that Purdue is actually in Indi-fucking-ana? Yeah, Neil Armstrong went dere. Who gives a flying fuck. Keep telling everybody Drew Brees was great. You suck.

RUTGERS: Sorriest program of them all. You can't even insult this program.

 

[HuskerOC]

SOUTH CAROLINA: Greatest mascot and hats ever. GO COCKS! You still suck major ass. George Rogers didn't deserve the Heisman in 1980 and you know it, and not even Lou Holtz or Steve Spurrier could get you clowns into the SEC Championship game. You guise need a tornado to hit the Southeast that effects everybody but you to be competitive. What a bunch of sorry fucks of 90K that fill that stadium of no reward.

STANFORD: John Elway went there. That is about it.

SYRACUSE: Big dogs back in the day with Jim Brown and Ernie Davis. Donovan McPherson played here as well as Art Monk, Marvin Harrison, and many other greats. How the phuck are dey so cotdam bad you ask?

TCU: Gary Patterson has the same tailor as Jerry Nadler. There is no need to tuck your tits into your pants chief. Hard to make a more disparaging comment about a team that never really matters. Not even TCU fans give a shit.

 

[IrishBlooded]

Damn right you little bitches.

That @Wild Turkey bitch has prompted me to tell you all that you suck. Every. Single. One. Of. You. Assholes.

And I'm here to tell you why.

Ima go through this shit alphabetically for all you P5 dumbasses.

ALABAMA: You cheating fucks can't even count the Natty's you've won properly claiming shit dat ain't even yourn. WTF? Really? You ain't won enough, so you gots to claim udders? And dat whole Bear Bryant hat wearing shit and houndstooth pattern or whatever the fuck that shit is. GTFO here. Nick Saban is a midget and you know it.

ARIZONA/ARIZONA STATE: Old WAC wannabe fucktards here. N'er a natty between this shitty assed two-some. Desert Swarm defense got their shit pushed in and Jake Plummer be da greatest Devil dat ever played. Only thing good in Arizona is good weather in the Winter. Fuck these two shit ass schools. I may retire here, but I'll never root for this .

ARKANSAS: Your mascot is a fucking pig. And you are the home of the Clintons and Walmart. You all can go f**k yourselves forever.

AUBURN: Rolling up toilet paper and throwing it in trees and shit? Just a bunch of juvenile muthafuckas that are 2nd rate in dey own state. Only thing good about this shithole is dey beat da Ducks for a Natty. And Bo Jackson. Western Arkansas is a dump. And yes, f**k you Wild Turkey.

BAYLOR: Your best teams ever were allowed to r*pe the entire campus, and you still couldn't win the Big 12. You also were the home of the Branch Dividian assholes. This campus should have been burn't to the f**king ground years ago.

Enough for now. I'll be back later to insult the rest of you sorry-assed bitches.

You're a Husker fan.

Isn't that insulting enough, when you put the name of someone else's team in your mouth?

 

[HuskerOC]

TENNESSEE: Rocky Top will always be the most annoying sound to meeee...... Peyton Manning is more queer than your checkered end zone, and you may never beat Florida again. Is there a more feminine color in all of college football than gay orange Tennessee? You guise suck more at the tradition wannabe again thing than Nebraska.

TEXAS: Where does one begin and where does one end on lathering this shitshow of all shitshows. These fuggin' assholes believe they are bigger than life itself. Since joining the Big 12 in 1996, these asshats have a grand total of 3 Big 12 Championships in 23 fucking years. Go to Texas, and these fucktards believe they are more special than clean water. Tom Herman is gay, has AIDS, and may Texas football die of a terrible disease. AMEN.

TEXAS A&M: This queer-assed cheer squad had to one up their brother and be all fucking kinds of retarded. 12th man, Aggie, and a fucking dog to join the rodeo of fuckness. These dipshits even have cheer practice and shit before games on Friday. Who in the entire fuck, when in college, wants to go to cheer practice on a fucking Friday night? Geezus H Christmas Private Pyle!

TEXAS TECH: Gotta drive about 9 days west of Dallas to get to this shithole. And Lubbock is a special shithole. People go to die in Lubbock.