The 2018 all douchebag team

[SlinkyRedfoot]

That goofy looking dude on the Astros. I always forget his name.

Dallas Keuchel?

Everything about that guy annoys me. The way he spells his stupid name, the way he pronounces it, and that stupid fucking ISIS beard he sports.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

[insert yankees roster here]

Did you forget that you root for the douchefags that regularly did this shit:

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

No Sean Rodriguez?

While certainly douchey, there's probably a certain level of relevance a player needs to attain to make this list.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

I'll never forget Big Z taking his frustrations out on a Gatorade cooler.

Steroids make people do weird shit.

Spoiler

 

[Shoeshine Boy]

Yeah I don't get Votto being on here, either. I'd put Encarnacion and his stupid imaginary parrot or Hanley and his cheeto dreads in that spot way before Votto.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

Encarnacion and his stupid imaginary parrot

Locally, McDonalds used him in a commercial for their family dinner box and they took actual in-game footage of his parrot run and photo shopped it so it looked like he was carrying the dinner box around the bases.

Kind of funny.

Also, all Red Sox are gay.

 

[RP-29]

I just realized that I have a glaring omission.

Please move Puig to the bench OF spot, remove Stanton from the team and add Ryan Braun to the starting left field position.

While I won't disagree that Braun should be in the MLB Douche HOF, I kinda disagree that he should be on the 2018 all-douche team. That's like putting Jacoby Ellsbury on the 2018 all star team because of his great 2011 season.

 

[calsnowskier]

What the fuck? Big Sexy is a douchbag too?

Do a little research. Dude has a good reputation ONLY because he looks like a teddy bear.

 

[RP-29]

Speaking of Ellsbury, look at his career stat lines...

Jacoby Ellsbury

Methinks he may have been on the juice in 2011 too.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

Do a little research. Dude has a good reputation ONLY because he looks like a teddy bear.

This reminds me, Posey needs to replace Lucroy on the douchbag bench.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

While I won't disagree that Braun should be in the MLB Douche HOF, I kinda disagree that he should be on the 2018 all-douche team. That's like putting Jacoby Ellsbury on the 2018 all star team because of his great 2011 season.

Yeah, but in my opinion, he's the biggest piece of shit from the steroid era (which is still going on, btw).

 

[calsnowskier]

This reminds me, Posey needs to replace Lucroy on the douchbag bench.

 

[JohnU]

I think Gomez and Puig are the co-captains of the d.b. team.
Some of these other guys are probably only that because of a quick look at their game.
Votto is not even close to a d.b. in Cincy. He's actually admired for his off-the-field work.
I think the same is true for Molina, who gets a thumbs down in Cincy, but he's also respected for his game and his work with P.R. hurricane relief.
The rest of these guys probably fall somewhere in the middle.
The biggest d.b. in recent years is Mat Latos.
Anthony Rizzo can be a bit of a prick.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

Votto is not even close to a d.b. in Cincy. He's actually admired for his off-the-field work.

Shit. That guy's a saint in my book for the way he fucks with Philly fans alone.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

I think the same is true for Molina, who gets a thumbs down in Cincy, but he's also respected for his game and his work with P.R. hurricane relief.

Molina is a roided up piece of shit.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

Anthony Rizzo can be a bit of a prick.

Ugh. During the '16 World Series, every time they showed his smug face on TV, I just wanted to pop it like a pimple.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

The fucking guy deprived us all of one of the most exciting baseball plays because he didn't know how to block the plate and everyone overreacted when he got hurt.

 

[JohnU]

Molina is a roided up piece of shit.

Dunno about the 'roids. I think hitting against Cincy pitching is a ticket to at least the front porch at Cooperstown.

 

[SlinkyRedfoot]

Dunno about the 'roids. I think hitting against Cincy pitching is a ticket to at least the front porch at Cooperstown.

That's kinda funny, but when a guy slashes .268/.327/.361/.688 over the first 3,000 PAs of his career and then suddenly jumps to .313/.361/.481/.842 in the subsequent 1,600 PAs, and rages to the point that he's physically assaulting and spitting on umpires, I'm going to feel pretty justified about suspecting him of main-lining stem cells freshly squoze from aborted baby feti.

His SLG% jumped 120 points overnight.

 

[JohnU]

That's kinda funny, but when a guy slashes .268/.327/.361/.688 over the first 3,000 PAs of his career and then suddenly jumps to .313/.361/.481/.842 in the subsequent 1,600 PAs, and rages to the point that he's physically assaulting and spitting on umpires, I'm going to feel pretty justified about suspecting him of main-lining stem cells freshly squoze from aborted baby feti.

His SLG% jumped 120 points overnight.

Yeah, you'd expect it to trend the other way as a catcher.