OT: Things we find freaking neat but no place to post

[Winged_Wheel88]

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
ATTORNEY: Okay, smartass. Let's move on. What was the name of the victim?
WITNESS: Abby someone.
ATTORNEY: Abby someone? Abby Who?
WITNESS: Abby...Normal

FIFY

 

[forty_three]

TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ON!!
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

LOL

I had one lawyer one time who was really going after the "Couldn't have been him" route. And he wound up getting the one piece of evidence he couldn't admitted WAY earlier than he was ready for. (parapharasing a bit)

Him: So you are saying it was my client that went to the website?
Me: What I said was the computer in his office was used at that time to visit the site.
Him: But you don't know for sure it was him.
Me: His login was used
Him: Isn't it possible that someone else had his login and password?
Me: Yes, that is possible
Him: So it could have been anyone. It's possible you have NO IDEA who was on the computer at that time?
Me: No.
Him: You just said it's possible that someone stole his login information, how do you know for sure who actually was at the computer at the time?
Me: The security camera that shows him at the computer with the site on the screen at the time.

There was a slight pause before I was dismissed.

 

[forty_three]

DMC Criticizes Jay-Z And Lil Wayne, Says Listeners Are "Brainwashed"

Maybe shoulda dug out the straight out coolness thread.

 

[thedddd]

16 GIFs of People Who Are Definitely Not Using an Escalator Correctly from GifGuide

 

[dare2be]

DMC Criticizes Jay-Z And Lil Wayne, Says Listeners Are "Brainwashed"

Maybe shoulda dug out the straight out coolness thread.

"We wanted to change the world, taking responsibility for our actions," [DMC] said. "Now everything that’s negative in stupid ass America is celebrated.”

 

[juliansteed]

16 GIFs of People Who Are Definitely Not Using an Escalator Correctly from GifGuide

I'm surprised that this wasn't one of them.

[YOUTUBE]-TLlDNebzkg[/YOUTUBE]

Also I think that chick that was spinning around in 1 of those GIFs was definitely using it correctly.

 

[juliansteed]

Given the circumstances, it's most definitely inappropriate to call this "neat" but I didn't know where else to put it.

Snake kills 2 N.B. boys after escaping store, RCMP say - New Brunswick - CBC News

Holy shit! I hope those boys were asleep and never woke up. What a horrifying way to go for a couple of young boys.

 

[puckhead]

this one's interesting

World's 1st lab-grown burger cooked and eaten - World - CBC News

 

[dare2be]

this one's interesting

World's 1st lab-grown burger cooked and eaten - World - CBC News

I'm gonna need some time to ruminate over this one.

 

[forty_three]

Skate park?s noise too much for Rob Zombie - Hot Topics

What do you do if you're a horror film director and slash metal singer and they build a skatepark near your house?

You complain to the town council and use your celebrity status to get it's hours reduced.

SO FUCKING METAL! \m/

 

[dash]

Skate park?s noise too much for Rob Zombie - Hot Topics

What do you do if you're a horror film director and slash metal singer and they build a skatepark near your house?

You complain to the town council and use your celebrity status to get it's hours reduced.

SO FUCKING METAL! \m/

I think I know which house will be targetted at Halloween this year...

 

[buffhockey]

 

[forty_three]

^^ Worst. Leapfrrog. Ever.

 

[puckhead]

warning... big picture.
(I still find it neat)

 

[dare2be]

Oh, Canada. Why must you have such big pictures?

 

[Comeds]

Caesium horders.

 

[mattola]

License and Registration Please


NYET

 

[dash]

^

lol - I'll just turn on the wipers, that'll get rid of that copper.

 

[dare2be]

^

lol - I'll just turn on the wipers, that'll get rid of that copper.

Maybe he thought his record would get wiped clean?

 

[dash]

Basketball was invented by a Canadian (James Naismith) but wasn't he working in Springfield, Mass at the time?