@ Muzzer & Hammerdown

[RobBase]

Do you guys remember this murder? Just occurred to me you might, being from TN.

Church Hill man sentenced to 10 years in choking death of father | Kingsport Times-News

 

[Gulf of Brazil]

seriously Rob, I'm not trying to hijack this thread but if you want to read something absolutely horrifying and disgusting...... try this


Woman sentenced to 219 years in prison in sex ring case


The whole entire family was involved in incestuous behavior. These sick-ass mo-fo's live pretty close by (within 25 miles). I am sure quackerjacked knows or has heard of this case. I'm pretty sure there were close to 12-15 kids involved


people like this need not exist anymore, AT ALL !!!!!

 

[HammerDown]

I've been in warming climes for the last 13 yrs, Rob. I've only been back for less than 3 months. Sounds like a horrible murder and he's not sorry for it.

 

[themuzzer]

I don't recall this one. Hammer might have more insight into it.

 

[RobBase]

I got that guys heart.

 

[broncosmitty]

I got that guys heart.

No shit!?!

I can't even wrap my brain around how/what Id think about that.

Have you ever spoken to any of the family or anything like that?

 

[tpaulus_2]

I got that guys heart.

 

[RobBase]

No shit!?!

I can't even wrap my brain around how/what Id think about that.

Have you ever spoken to any of the family or anything like that?

Yes, I have.

That's how I figured it out. I sent his widow a letter via the transplant organization just letting her know my health history, born w a bad heart, was told I'd need a transplant one day when I was 14. Made it to 31 before shit really started to fall apart, wanted her to know I didn't do it w drugs or alcohol like others do etc

Year later right after the conviction she wrote me back, did not mention how Ray died but I was able to piece together things she told me about him and found this online.

It wrecked me for 24 hours, then I magically got over it, nothing I can do.

I came from a very dark place, ready to die, completely cool with it, so much so it started to kill my parents. Lots of balling and fighting before I agreed to a transplant. Glad I did. Got two kids now who'll carry my legacy on.

I'm not religious but deeply spiritual, questioned myself many sleepless nights if I was cheating God by not dying. Swore the next heart I'd need (one day, these don't last forever) I'd pass, die and let someone else have it.

Now w the kids that choice is not mine anymore, if no kids I'd go.

I hope to see Ray one day in another place.

The world works in mysterious ways, and this story maybe helps explain a little more about me.

 

[RobBase]

I want to apologize to you, to Max, to others. I wasn't always the happiest guy, the anti rejection meds make me a monster. Thank God for medical marijuana it's all that evens me out.

I want to make 2015 a clean slate. If I've ever been a angry it's cause I was, just directing it in all directions. Poorly aimed I admit it.

 

[LPinSLC]

I remember you discussing the transplant Pre-op. Was a large gap in between that conversation and you resurfacing on the CBS boards. Always worried about how things went before your return. Glad everything turned out well and that you found some good weed to balance you out. Glad you decided to make your way back to the hoop too.

 

[RobBase]

Getting my house built, getting my family set up has calmed me down quite a bit. Last year during the board shit we were living w my parents, my kids were confined to a fucking octagon because my mom refused to kid proof their house, I was working retarded hours trying to save as much money as I could, sleeping sucked, didn't even sleep in same bed w my wife for months cause my mom refused to let me put my mattress in her house (stiff) so I slept on the damn floor for 8 months. My deaf dad is loud as fuck and woke my kids up constantly banging plates around and firing up power tools at all hours. I felt like I was jailed and I was angry every day having these obstacles to overcome every day.

I just feel better now.

I can deal w the pains when everything else for everyone else is good.

 

[RobBase]

I remember you discussing the transplant Pre-op. Was a large gap in between that conversation and you resurfacing on the CBS boards. Always worried about how things went before your return. Glad everything turned out well and that you found some good weed to balance you out. Glad you decided to make your way back to the hoop too.

Thanks. The gap had more to do with being banned for calling Bear fans fags after the Calvin no TD call though. I used to read the board from my hospital bed, and even tried to get around the ban but never figured it out.

 

[Gulf of Brazil]

Good for you RobBase. All of us have seen dark moments in our lives at one time or another, not to your extent with the Heart transplant.


Keep up with what is working right for you, at the present time.

 

[tpaulus_2]

I want to apologize to you, to Max, to others. I wasn't always the happiest guy, the anti rejection meds make me a monster. Thank God for medical marijuana it's all that evens me out.

I want to make 2015 a clean slate. If I've ever been a angry it's cause I was, just directing it in all directions. Poorly aimed I admit it.

Water under the bridge then. I'm over it.

 

[RobBase]

Water under the bridge then. I'm over it.

Other day when I was digging up Dr.Evil-ers old GM post from last year I came across your paper mâché dildo thread, remembering how much fun we used to have on this board, then another where I was teasing you about something I thought was harmless but you took offense, then I said how you were one of my favorite people on the planet, but you weren't having it. Last couple days I've been thinking of all the damage that's been done and I felt great remorse. No one else is crazy enough to talk Lions w me like you guys everyday, and I really decided then I was done.

Go Lions.

 

[RobBase]

Good for you RobBase. All of us have seen dark moments in our lives at one time or another, not to your extent with the Heart transplant.


Keep up with what is working right for you, at the present time.

Hard to put into words but when I decided I was gonna just let this dying heart kill me off, it was a great relief for me but demolished everyone around me who cared. I was happy and that's what hurt them most. I'm a selfish dude, or was. But I went from feeling like a person with a sickness to a spirit slowly coming free from its body, and that's all it was to me, a way to get around.

Was really looking forward to the afterlife, felt half way there. Dark in a weird way, trying to embrace what no one else around me could fathom.

I literally lived several months like they'd be my last. Weird way to live.

 

[Gulf of Brazil]

Hey Rob, I never went through a heart transplant but I definitely know the feeling of being angered beyond what family members can even remotely attempt to fathom.

I was in a horrific industrial accident back in 1995. I instantly went from an extremely intelligent guy (yeah, you all can have your laugh at that) who worked his ass off 70+ hrs a week, provided for his family greatly, to a man that barely had a mental capacity of my 4 yr old at that time. My heart stopped on me 4x times with each occurrence no shorter than 4.5 minutes. Each time I went into a coma, not medically induced into one either. I could barely feed myself, couldn't ambulate on my own, couldn't dress myself and so on. I had cognitive, vocational and physical rehab 4 days a week for 9 years. You want to talk about being pissed off all the time. Dozens of Gran Mal seizures per week. I couldn't drive then nor do I today and you can add no flying to that list. It may seem trivial but you take away those convenient tasks that many people have the capabilities of doing any given day. It'll piss you off, trust me. To this very day my motor controls still suck. I use to repair my own vehicles, build just about anything. All gone in a flash. I DO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE. This isn't even the beginning of what I went through.

Long story short, I didn't start to let go of my anger until 2008, that's 13 fuckin' years. I'm learning every single day to keep that anger as far away as possible but it's still a struggle. None of my family could comprehend then or even now of what it was like to lose so many attributes that will never be a part of my life ever again. Plus, you got to add in being a MAN to this entire equation, meaning a jack-of-all-trades or honey-do-list, or our expected man ways of life. The worst part is over mostly but it still remains to a lesser degree now, than back then.

Hang in there and keep doing the best that you can do each day. Some days may revert back to the not so good Rob, but you are the only one who has the ability to make the positive changes. Every single person is unique in how they deal with life and most people have nothing more than tunnel vision and think only of how they'd accomplish a particular feat, not realizing their train of thought may not work the same exact way for someone else.

I'm here whenever you want to rant to someone. PM obviously would be best. I still have my bad days too


Chronic and gummie bears are a life saver..... no joke

 

[RobBase]

Thanks for sharing that. It's easy to forget we're all human here w human problems sometimes. You're a survivor. Hopefully your story has helped others who know it. When the meds start pulling me in every direction I just try to notice it before acting our and find a quiet place where I can be alone and smoke a j.

Good luck getting stronger every day. Blue.

 

[RobBase]

Blue, did you 'see anything' when you were in your comas? I was in a coma, flat lined twice (before the transplant) and almost passed a third time while under anesthesia during a second heart surgery after the transplant when they had to go back in and fix a valve a resident dr. snagged during a routine biopsies.

I saw some shit, man. A room, everything was a cloudy white yet I could make out the shapes: a long table, ghostly bodies without faces seated at it then two more sitting at a smaller table where I signed some contract or paper that had my name on it. That's when I came out of my coma.

When I first fell into it and flatlined the first time I saw a dude sitting upside down spinning and shitting on himself...ya. I woke up in a terror and tore the breathing tube out of my throat and puked blood everywhere before being restrained and put down again with some shot (this is when I almost died from pneumonia about a year before going on the transplant list).

I also hallucinated like a mad man on morphine and other drugs during the same stay, seeing faces flying at me when I closed my eyes, thinking I was outside the hospital being snowed on and wondering who left me there and thinking my room was piled to the ceiling w trash. All of it felt real to me at the time. Insane. And even when I figured out I would hallucinate if I closed my eyes I knew it wasn't real but I swear the second I closed my eyes no one could convince me that those faces weren't real. Like another world.

And the third time I clearly remember fading away and the panic in the room w everyone screaming ROB! ROB! STAY WITH US! and shaking me and shit. Later the anesthesiaologist told me I had a smile on my face the whole time and how it totally freaked her out, thought she was gonna lose me.

 

[Gulf of Brazil]

I can tell you honestly, that there isn't 1 COT DAMN day that I wished everything ended permanently on aug 11th 1995 at 2:23 am... That's the truth. As for the drugs I was taking, over 9600 mg per day.


4500 mg (500 mg pills 3 @ 3x daily, anti-seizure) 4800 mg (600 mg pills 2 @ 3x daily, anti-seizure), 150 mg Pamelor (anti-depressant, for sleepy by time), 60 mg Propulsid (20 mg 1 @ 3x daily), 90 mg Valium (10 mg pills 3 @ 3x daily), Clonodine patch 2.5 mg patch (anti-seizure time release)... 6 yrs of that shit... The drugs will mess you up... My best analogy for the head pressure I suffer from daily is, you take a bicycle inner-tube (needs 45-55 lbs roughly) and blow that bitch up til it explodes. That is me daily, in a nut-shell... Chronic truly relieves quite a bit of that... the meds only polluted my body (liver, spleen, kidney's, heart)...too much bad stuff happens with with the buildup of drugs in your system.... WEEN OFF them if you can....