Comedy CowPies in the 'Lumbus

[forty_three]

Peak offseason. We need hockey back.

 

[forty_three]

The battle hamster has a bum hip. Get well soon, shorty.

 

[forty_three]

In other news:

Only one more year to wait for Marchenko.

He could be arriving at the same time as Sillinger and Johnson.

 

[forty_three]

Kirill Marchenko Notches Three Goals In First Three Games Of KHL Season

In what will hopefully be Kirill Marchenko's final year in Russia, he's started the season strongly.

www.1stohiobattery.com

Yeah, but what can he do in a league that only allows him one stick?

 

[forty_three]

Bauer made lil Merzly his first set of pads.

 

[forty_three]

Elvis Merzlikins' Q&A: Blue Jackets goaltender open up about his summer of tragedy, triumph

Also, Merzlikins tells us if he'll be with Latvia for the 2022 Olympic Games and about his desire to win the Vezina Trophy this season.

theathletic.com

For those with Athletic subs - Elvis opens up about his insane summer.

When asked how all the events around Matiss' death will affect him on the ice:
My goal in my mind … I don’t want to make any promises, but I can tell you, Aaron … my plan is to win a Vezina Trophy. I’m gonna win a fucking Vezina for him.

 

[forty_three]

That explains the mask mandates - China Cough is in Columbus.

I hope he has a good showing.

 

[forty_three]

Elvis' new bucket with tributes to Matiss. Joker and all.

Some are speculating he wants to switch numbers to 80.

 

[dash]

 

[forty_three]

I had been hearing poor reviews of him anyway. All of it from Habs fans, but still.

Chump don't want no help, chump don' get no help.

 

[forty_three]

Jarmo clarified that he was fired, not that he quit with this blunt statement:

“We had to part ways with him because he couldn’t do his job. We need a coach,” Blue Jackets general manager Jarmo Kekalainen said. “If you’re not vaccinated, you’re not allowed within 12 feet of the players. You can’t do your job as a coach. He couldn’t be in the locker room, couldn’t be in the coaches’ room, couldn’t be on the bench, couldn’t be on the plane with us…we need a coach.”

 

[forty_three]

Announced timetable for return is December.

Unless that was Jarmo Jedi Mind-tricking Francis into laying off him.

 

[gob]

 

[forty_three]

Oh good. I guess the locker room problems will start anew.

 

[puckhead]

Zac Rinaldo is an idiot?


you can't see my shocked face, because it is safely behind a mask.

 

[dash]

Oh good. I guess the locker room problems will start anew.

I read an Athletic article earlier today that said that over 99% of NHL players will be vaccinated once the season starts (I think that means about 15 players will not be vaccinated). I think that means one of two things:

1. Zac is one of the 15 or
2. Zac is no longer a bonafide NHL player

 

[forty_three]

I read an Athletic article earlier today that said that over 99% of NHL players will be vaccinated once the season starts (I think that means about 15 players will not be vaccinated). I think that means one of two things:

1. Zac is one of the 15 or
2. Zac is no longer a bonafide NHL player

He isn't and hasn't been for sometime.

I understand the need to get a guy as an insurance policy for playing in the same division as Reaves and Wilson, but Jarmo needs to straight up bury this idiot in the A. Or lower. There was some sort of friction in the locker room last year and there were a lot of steps to change that. I don't want this fucking moron to wipe that out. We don't know if it's gonna work, but it clearly stands a better chance without this guy.

 

[forty_three]

What Bob Hartley told the Jackets scouts was that Chinakov has a release that is one of the best he has ever seen. Likened it to a young Sakic.

There might be something to that.

 

[gob]

 

[dash]

You can't go wrong with a former Medicine Hat Tiger on the coaching staff