- Thread starter
- #1
Rock Strongo
My mind spits with an enormous kickback.
- 55,878
- 6,772
- 533
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2013
- Location
- 495 belt
- Hoopla Cash
- $ 1,000.00
- Fav. Team #1
- Fav. Team #2
- Fav. Team #3
The .Colts raised a banner this offseason. It’s a banner that celebrates the Colts’ grand accomplishment of … losing. Of not making the Super Bowl. Of getting blown out by 38 points in the AFC Championship Game.
That’s some banner.
But is it the worst in sports?
For whatever reason, many franchises have felt the need to adorn the rafters or walls of their stadiums and arenas with some of the worst banners imaginable. From canvases that celebrate attendance to others that honor athletes who played other sports, some franchises have made some very poor, poor decisions.
So let’s take a gander at some of the worst banners in sports, and see where the Colts’ latest entry stacks up.
10. New Orleans Saints: First Season Sellout
A banner reading “1st Season Sell-Out 2006 Season Ticket Holders” is unveiled before the NFC divisional playoff game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the New Orleans Saints at the Superdome on January 13, 2007 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
The New Orleans Saints played their first ever season in 1967. They moved into the Superdome in 1975. Apparently, they endured a stretch of multiple decades before selling out for an entire season with season-ticket holders.
To me, that inspires one reaction: Saying “neat” and moving on.
To the Saints, it inspired a different reaction: Let’s. Raise. A banner.
I understand the whole post-Katrina, civic
pride groundswell. That’s good that they sold out in 2006. But, uhh, how did they never sell out before then? A 73,000-seat stadium shouldn’t be that hard to fill. I know, the “Aints” and all of that. But they made the playoffs for three straight years in the early ’90s. Come on now, New Orleans. Buy some season tickets.
I originally had this higher when making the list, until I learned of the season-ticket holder distinction. But still. This is not banner-worthy.
9. Tampa Bay Rays: Wild Card Banner
The Rays hang banners for being the fourth-best team in the AL. (Photo by Brian Blanco/Getty Images)
Eh, Tampa. I’d say you can do better than this. But really, I’m not sure.
8. Montreal Canadiens: Montreal Expos Formerly Existed
View image on Twitter
Jason Yellin @JasonYellin
Awesome that the @CanadiensMTL honor and recognize the @Montreal_Expos with banner of retired numbers at Bell Centre
2:20 PM - 18 Jan 2015
Hey … hey, do you guys remember back when we had a baseball team, but we couldn’t get even 10,000 people to show up on a given night, so we lost them forever? Yeah … yeah, that was awesome.
(This one doesn’t rank high on the list because if you don’t love the Expos and if you don’t have a thirst for nostalgia, something’s wrong with you.)
7. Seattle Seahawks: No. 12 Jersey Retired For Fans
Fans hold a 12 banner in Seattle. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
This one’s admittedly personal, because I had to spend a week in Arizona surrounded by these humanoids who referred to themselves and each other as “12s.” This is not a real thing! You are not a “12.” You are a person. You like this football team. You’re a fan of the Seahawks. You’re not a “12.” Every other fan base in sports manages to refer to themselves as “[Team name] fans,” yet you’re “12s” and you wear jerseys with the number 12 on the back and “FAN” on the nameplate and you consider this “12” phenomenon to be a weird special thing and you think you’re special and that your voice is louder than other humans’ voices because your team’s home stadium was designed to trap noise better than any other stadium and you approach each other in coffee shops and ask “Are you a 12?” and it is annoying. OK?
Now excuse me while my head explodes.
6. Miami Heat: Dan Marino Retired Jersey
The Miami Heat are a basketball team. The Miami Heat have retired Dan Marino’s jersey. Dan Marino played football.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
5. Miami Heat: Michael Jordan Retired Jersey
The Miami Heat, as previously mentioned, are a basketball team. Michael Jordan was a basketball player. But he did not play for the Heat. He played 13 years for the Chicago Bulls and two years for the Washington Wizards which everyone in the world would rather forget.
During that career, Jordan scored 1,142 points in 38 games against the Heat. That’s 30 per game. Not bad. And the Heat were apparently impressed to the point where they felt the need toretire MJ’s jersey. In Miami.
This is not normal.
It’s just too bad that the Heat eventually won some championships. If not for the Dwyane Wade-Shaq duo and later the LeBron-Wade combo, I shudder to think what other cockamamie banners they’d have hung by now.
4. Washington Mystics: WNBA Attendance Champions
The WNBA’s Washington Mystics proudly display their two-year run of attendance dominance. (Photos by Mitchell Layton/NBAE/Getty Images)
Wow. What an accomplishment. Apparently, there are six — six! — of these bad Larrys hanging from the Verizon Center rafters. Six!
I only have one thing to say to you, Washington Mystics:
(Out of respect for the WNBA, I won’t look up the whopping attendance figures that led to this achievement.)
3. Multiple Teams: Regular Season Conference Champions
A Western Conference Regular Season Champion banner hangs from the rafters in Detroit. (Bennett/Getty Images)
The San Jose Sharks have a banner for being the best team … in the Western Conference … in the regular season. So do the Red Wings. As noted in that linked blog, the Washington Capitals have one for being the best in the East.
These banners should not exist! Regular seasons really mean very little in terms of history. And I’m a lenient judge; I’m even willing to excuse Presidents’ Trophy banners that hang in many NHL arenas. At least those teams can lay claim to being the best team in the whole league in a given year. But why print out the best in the conference banners? What are we celebrating here?
Maybe you could excuse the Sharks or the Capitals, who own a combined zero Stanley Cups and just one Stanley Cup Final appearance between them, but the Red Wings? There are plenty of Stanley Cup banners to fill those rafters.
Plus, Detroit, Washington and San Jose are all doubling up on banners! The Red Wings display their “Regular Season Conference Champions” banner right next to their Presidents’ Trophy banner! The Sharks have a Presidents’ Trophy banner for that same 2008-09 banner! The Capitals have banners for the Presidents’ Trophy and best record in the conference! That is not only redundant (in banner form, no less!) but also a waste of some perfectly fine cloth.
That’s some banner.
But is it the worst in sports?
For whatever reason, many franchises have felt the need to adorn the rafters or walls of their stadiums and arenas with some of the worst banners imaginable. From canvases that celebrate attendance to others that honor athletes who played other sports, some franchises have made some very poor, poor decisions.
So let’s take a gander at some of the worst banners in sports, and see where the Colts’ latest entry stacks up.
10. New Orleans Saints: First Season Sellout
A banner reading “1st Season Sell-Out 2006 Season Ticket Holders” is unveiled before the NFC divisional playoff game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the New Orleans Saints at the Superdome on January 13, 2007 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
The New Orleans Saints played their first ever season in 1967. They moved into the Superdome in 1975. Apparently, they endured a stretch of multiple decades before selling out for an entire season with season-ticket holders.
To me, that inspires one reaction: Saying “neat” and moving on.
To the Saints, it inspired a different reaction: Let’s. Raise. A banner.
I understand the whole post-Katrina, civic
pride groundswell. That’s good that they sold out in 2006. But, uhh, how did they never sell out before then? A 73,000-seat stadium shouldn’t be that hard to fill. I know, the “Aints” and all of that. But they made the playoffs for three straight years in the early ’90s. Come on now, New Orleans. Buy some season tickets.I originally had this higher when making the list, until I learned of the season-ticket holder distinction. But still. This is not banner-worthy.
9. Tampa Bay Rays: Wild Card Banner
The Rays hang banners for being the fourth-best team in the AL. (Photo by Brian Blanco/Getty Images)
Eh, Tampa. I’d say you can do better than this. But really, I’m not sure.
8. Montreal Canadiens: Montreal Expos Formerly Existed
View image on Twitter
Jason Yellin @JasonYellinAwesome that the @CanadiensMTL honor and recognize the @Montreal_Expos with banner of retired numbers at Bell Centre
2:20 PM - 18 Jan 2015
Hey … hey, do you guys remember back when we had a baseball team, but we couldn’t get even 10,000 people to show up on a given night, so we lost them forever? Yeah … yeah, that was awesome.
(This one doesn’t rank high on the list because if you don’t love the Expos and if you don’t have a thirst for nostalgia, something’s wrong with you.)
7. Seattle Seahawks: No. 12 Jersey Retired For Fans
Fans hold a 12 banner in Seattle. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
This one’s admittedly personal, because I had to spend a week in Arizona surrounded by these humanoids who referred to themselves and each other as “12s.” This is not a real thing! You are not a “12.” You are a person. You like this football team. You’re a fan of the Seahawks. You’re not a “12.” Every other fan base in sports manages to refer to themselves as “[Team name] fans,” yet you’re “12s” and you wear jerseys with the number 12 on the back and “FAN” on the nameplate and you consider this “12” phenomenon to be a weird special thing and you think you’re special and that your voice is louder than other humans’ voices because your team’s home stadium was designed to trap noise better than any other stadium and you approach each other in coffee shops and ask “Are you a 12?” and it is annoying. OK?
Now excuse me while my head explodes.
6. Miami Heat: Dan Marino Retired Jersey
The Miami Heat are a basketball team. The Miami Heat have retired Dan Marino’s jersey. Dan Marino played football.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
5. Miami Heat: Michael Jordan Retired Jersey
The Miami Heat, as previously mentioned, are a basketball team. Michael Jordan was a basketball player. But he did not play for the Heat. He played 13 years for the Chicago Bulls and two years for the Washington Wizards which everyone in the world would rather forget.
During that career, Jordan scored 1,142 points in 38 games against the Heat. That’s 30 per game. Not bad. And the Heat were apparently impressed to the point where they felt the need toretire
MJ’s jersey. In Miami.This is not normal.
It’s just too bad that the Heat eventually won some championships. If not for the Dwyane Wade-Shaq duo and later the LeBron-Wade combo, I shudder to think what other cockamamie banners they’d have hung by now.
4. Washington Mystics: WNBA Attendance Champions
The WNBA’s Washington Mystics proudly display their two-year run of attendance dominance. (Photos by Mitchell Layton/NBAE/Getty Images)
Wow. What an accomplishment. Apparently, there are six — six! — of these bad Larrys hanging from the Verizon Center rafters. Six!
I only have one thing to say to you, Washington Mystics:
(Out of respect for the WNBA, I won’t look up the whopping attendance figures that led to this achievement.)
3. Multiple Teams: Regular Season Conference Champions
A Western Conference Regular Season Champion banner hangs from the rafters in Detroit. (Bennett/Getty Images)
The San Jose Sharks have a banner for being the best team … in the Western Conference … in the regular season. So do the Red Wings. As noted in that linked blog, the Washington Capitals have one for being the best in the East.
These banners should not exist! Regular seasons really mean very little in terms of history. And I’m a lenient judge; I’m even willing to excuse Presidents’ Trophy banners that hang in many NHL arenas. At least those teams can lay claim to being the best team in the whole league in a given year. But why print out the best in the conference banners? What are we celebrating here?
Maybe you could excuse the Sharks or the Capitals, who own a combined zero Stanley Cups and just one Stanley Cup Final appearance between them, but the Red Wings? There are plenty of Stanley Cup banners to fill those rafters.
Plus, Detroit, Washington and San Jose are all doubling up on banners! The Red Wings display their “Regular Season Conference Champions” banner right next to their Presidents’ Trophy banner! The Sharks have a Presidents’ Trophy banner for that same 2008-09 banner! The Capitals have banners for the Presidents’ Trophy and best record in the conference! That is not only redundant (in banner form, no less!) but also a waste of some perfectly fine cloth.
Last edited:
Dave Furst @DaveFurst
