Why your favorite team SUCKS

[Arizona_Sting]

Since my team sucks (hey, bright future yay) I'm going to tell you why your favorite team sucks donkey dick. Enjoy.

FIRST 10 TEAMS

*this is for fun, so please get butthurt... it'll make for a more entertaining thread*

1. Atlanta Hawks- Who the hell is even left on this team? When you're rebuilding around Ersan Ilyasova & Tayshaun Prince's slow cousin you know you're in trouble. Dennis is a nice lil PG, but god damn this team is going to be awful. All 24 fans in attendance for their home opener are going to be furious watching this horrible product on the court. Reeelax, at least a top 5 pick is coming and you'll be able to add to your 1 NBA player on the roster.

2. Brooklyn Nets- Yall need Jesus.

3. Boston Celtics- If you lil bastard leprechauns don't pull this Kyrie trade through you're gonna be stuck with an angry midget w/hip dysplasia & a pissed off Alien looking mofo. But hey, look on the bright side! If the trade falls through you get to keep the pick that the idiots above you have sent you for the past 57 years. Either way, look forward to your ECF loss next season! Also: Trading Avery Bradley.

4. Charlotte Hornets- Michael Jordan's crying face meme is the NBA contract equivalent of giving Dwight Howard a sizable deal to play for your team. First round exit! Can anyone on this god damn team shoot?

5. Chicago Bulls- After D-Wade gets bought out the roster is made up of fuckin automated NBA 2K players from the 2023 NBA Draft. Just remember when you're 2-27 a few months from now, you aren't tanking, you just SUCK ASS.

6. Cleveland Cavaliers- Congratulations! LeBron is back! Now you've pissed him off and he's going to leave you and you'll go back to being irrelevant as soon as he leaves next season. At least you'll have Jae Crowder! But maybe not. Warriors in 4.

7. Dallas Mavericks- Soooo glad Dirk gets to go out with a bang! 20 more wins to stack on top of his illustrious career is a great send off. Seth Curry with da pot boiiii.

8. Denver Nuggets- Paul Millsap is EXACTLY what they needed to put them over the hump and make the playoffs as a first round exit. MAKE THE NUGGETS NUGGET AGAIN!

9. Detroit Pistons- The Island of misfits toys, this team will battle for an 8th seed in the terrific eastern conference and should take great pride in finishing with 35-42 wins. Boban Marjonovic is a true franchise player.

10. Golden State Warriors- Nick Young & Javale McGee?!? It's like they are trying to screw this thing up. Scientifically speaking a team with Nick Young and Javale McGee cannot win a title. Kevin Durant is a fragile daddy long leg lookin mofo, one knee snap and a Draymond suspension away from blowing another 3-1 lead. Also wouldn't mind if Zaza walked off a cliff.

 

[The Q]

for 3) They weren't keeping IT long term either way, so they're better off with Crowder and the pick.

This trade doesn't make them better in 2017 or 2020. So basically it's complete dog shit.

 

[tlance]

Washington Wizards:

They have no bench and almost zero upside for future improvement because of large financial commitments to good, not great players. What you see is what you get.

 

[Eco]

I love the Hawks, and while I hate that we got rid of some key piece for free, the truth is, we were going no where with the Cavs in our conference. Honestly, it's best to just load up on draft picks until LeBron moves to the Lakers or retire.

 

[Nosferatu]

The Minnesota Timberwolves suck because David Stern & Glen Taylor suck!

 

[Nosferatu]

Kevin Durant is a fragile daddy long leg lookin mofo

 

[antone112]

Sacramento- rigged lottery

 

[Arizona_Sting]

I will have the other 20 teams up shortly don't worry... all your teams suck

 

[Black Adam]

it's all David Stern's fault, the fat, crooked bastard...

 

[OutlawImmortal]

The Lakers suck because the league got tired of their dominance.

 

[trojanfan12]

Where are the rest of the teams?

What a ripoff.

 

[logic]

There are far more reasons my Pistons suck than just this!

 

[logic]

11. Los Angeles Clippers - No matter what you do - ever - you will always be "the other" LA team. Even your home floor is in the Lakers house. Why did you ever move from San Diego? Why don't you just pack it up and go to Seattle already where fans will come to see you instead of relying on Lakers fans looking for cheaper tickets?

 

[trojanfan12]

11. Los Angeles Clippers - No matter what you do - ever - you will always be "the other" LA team. Even your home floor is in the Lakers house. Why did you ever move from San Diego? Why don't you just pack it up and go to Seattle already where fans will come to see you instead of relying on Lakers fans looking for cheaper tickets?

What I've never understood is why the Clips didn't move to Anaheim when they had the chance. They used to play a few games a year at The Pond (now the Honda Center) and those games were always well attended. They could have had their own niche.

The Honda Center is walking distance from Angel Stadium. Anaheim wanted to have a year round sports and entertainment area similar to LA Live that featured the Angels. Clippers and Ducks.

But the Clips wanted to stay in LA and be the Lakers little brother.

 

[logic]

What I've never understood is why the Clips didn't move to Anaheim when they had the chance. They used to play a few games a year at The Pond (now the Honda Center) and those games were always well attended. They could have had their own niche.

The Honda Center is walking distance from Angel Stadium. Anaheim wanted to have a year round sports and entertainment area similar to LA Live that featured the Angels. Clippers and Ducks.

But the Clips wanted to stay in LA and be the Lakers little brother.

Because Sterling was a cheap @$$ MFer.

 

[trojanfan12]

Because Sterling was a cheap @$$ MFer.

Yep. I think Anaheim would probably still welcome them. They'd want to upgrade The Honda Center. It's still a nice venue, but needs to be "modernized" a little.

If Ballmer was smart, he'd do that. If not, then going to Seattle as you suggest would also be a good idea. I'll be mildly surprised if Ballmer doesn't eventually do something. I don't see him as a guy who would be content playing 2nd fiddle.

 

[logic]

Yep. I think Anaheim would probably still welcome them. They'd want to upgrade The Honda Center. It's still a nice venue, but needs to be "modernized" a little.

If Ballmer was smart, he'd do that. If not, then going to Seattle as you suggest would also be a good idea. I'll be mildly surprised if Ballmer doesn't eventually do something. I don't see him as a guy who would be content playing 2nd fiddle.

San Diego would probably welcome them back as well -- they need some professional sports (Padres ---lol)

 

[trojanfan12]

San Diego would probably welcome them back as well -- they need some professional sports (Padres ---lol)

True. But they'd have to build a brand new arena. Not sure the citizens would go for that. They voted down several initiatives to build a new stadium for the Chargers which is why the Chargers left.

Don't see them funding a new arena for a team that most of them probably don't remember used to play there.

 

[logic]

True. But they'd have to build a brand new arena. Not sure the citizens would go for that. They voted down several initiatives to build a new stadium for the Chargers which is why the Chargers left.

Don't see them funding a new arena for a team that most of them probably don't remember used to play there.

Well, this assumes that anyone actually goes to Clippers games. They would probably make more money only having TV cameras and investing in Anheuser-Busch stock for all the sorrows the few fans have to drown.

 

[trojanfan12]

Well, this assumes that anyone actually goes to Clippers games. They would probably make more money only having TV cameras and investing in Anheuser-Busch stock for all the sorrows the few fans have to drown.

That was the thing with Anaheim. When the Clippers truly sucked was when they were playing games there and people showed up.

Now, that may have dried up if they continued to lose. But the Angels have had bad teams more than they've had good ones and people still go. Clips might get the same treatment.