- Thread starter
- #1
Cave_Johnson
R.I.P. Bob Saget
Dug this bad boy up online.
Dear President Staben,
On behalf of the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl Committee I’d like to congratulate you and coach Petrino on a fantastic season. We are honored that your institution has accepted this invitation to compete in the annual Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. Boise is a fine city and we know your players and fans will enjoy the experience.
Our committee has been following the Idaho Vandal football team all season and we have spent significant time lobbying and colluding with ESPN and Sun Belt Commissioner Carl Benson to get you here this year. With the Vandals in the game we are sure to maximize profit on ticket sales. Be advised that this does not mean we will be taking any measures to make this game feel at all like a championship environment. Here in Boise we are more than willing to switch out the entire blue turf and put in a real field for random soccer matches between middle of the road Italian club teams, but it’s just too god damn much for us to even change the logos or the end zones for a college football game that is supposed to help promote the city.
Also, we’d like you to be aware that due to the nasty and inebriated nature of your fan base we have notified the Boise PD to be extra vigilant in enforcing the Idaho SBOE ban on alcohol in tailgating areas. Generally the local police are pretty lax on that rule, but we have to make an exception for your notoriously rowdy and hedonistic fans. We are a big believer in moral policing here in Boise and we feel it is in our best interest to keep our city’s undeniable reputation as the greatest city in the world intact.
As with any bowl game, we will provide a plethora of exciting activities for your fans and players to participate in while celebrating their season here in Boise. We have provided a list of all scheduled activities below:
December 20th 10:00 a.m. – Bowling. We have reserved several lanes at the Boise Bowling Alley where your team can enjoy an exciting game of 10 Pin Bowling.
December 20th 12:00 p.m. – Lunch at Boise State University’s world famous cafeteria. Your team will be able to choose from a menu of delicious Idaho specialties including Tater Tots and Sloppy Joes.
December 20th 1:00 p.m. – Tour of Albertsons Stadium. Lead by Jared Zabranksy and Kyle Brotzman, this tour is sure to thrill and excite as you explore the wonderful alcohol-free tailgating area as well as the new press box suites where alcohol is allowed (because when we can make money off of it, it’s okay).
December 20th 3:00 p.m. – Special exclusive showing of the director’s cut of Napoleon Dynamite in Boise’s finest movie theatre.
December 20th 5:00 p.m. – Dinner at Olive Garden.
December 21st 10:00 a.m. – Visit to the Boise Mormon Temple. As Boise’s most awe-inspiring piece of architecture, this monument to our Lord and Savior Joseph Smith is a must see attraction. Please bring your official Mormon identification card if you want to enter the Temple itself. No, flashing your magic underwear at us is not acceptable as a form of ID.
December 21st 12:00 p.m. – Lunch at City Hall.
December 21st 1:00 p.m. – Tour of the Idaho State Capital building. Here you’ll see the exact spot where our brightest minds vote on which ways we can make the state of Idaho more of a national laughing stock. During this tour you’ll also be given a chance to view our various murals, most of which depict the murder and lynching of various indigenous peoples.
Congratulations again on your accomplishment. We hope to see the stands at Albertson Stadium full of sober Idaho Vandal fans freezing their balls off. We’ve moved the kickoff to 5 p.m. to ensure it is as cold and miserable as possible.
Fuck You,
The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl Committee
Dear President Staben,
On behalf of the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl Committee I’d like to congratulate you and coach Petrino on a fantastic season. We are honored that your institution has accepted this invitation to compete in the annual Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. Boise is a fine city and we know your players and fans will enjoy the experience.
Our committee has been following the Idaho Vandal football team all season and we have spent significant time lobbying and colluding with ESPN and Sun Belt Commissioner Carl Benson to get you here this year. With the Vandals in the game we are sure to maximize profit on ticket sales. Be advised that this does not mean we will be taking any measures to make this game feel at all like a championship environment. Here in Boise we are more than willing to switch out the entire blue turf and put in a real field for random soccer matches between middle of the road Italian club teams, but it’s just too god damn much for us to even change the logos or the end zones for a college football game that is supposed to help promote the city.
Also, we’d like you to be aware that due to the nasty and inebriated nature of your fan base we have notified the Boise PD to be extra vigilant in enforcing the Idaho SBOE ban on alcohol in tailgating areas. Generally the local police are pretty lax on that rule, but we have to make an exception for your notoriously rowdy and hedonistic fans. We are a big believer in moral policing here in Boise and we feel it is in our best interest to keep our city’s undeniable reputation as the greatest city in the world intact.
As with any bowl game, we will provide a plethora of exciting activities for your fans and players to participate in while celebrating their season here in Boise. We have provided a list of all scheduled activities below:
December 20th 10:00 a.m. – Bowling. We have reserved several lanes at the Boise Bowling Alley where your team can enjoy an exciting game of 10 Pin Bowling.
December 20th 12:00 p.m. – Lunch at Boise State University’s world famous cafeteria. Your team will be able to choose from a menu of delicious Idaho specialties including Tater Tots and Sloppy Joes.
December 20th 1:00 p.m. – Tour of Albertsons Stadium. Lead by Jared Zabranksy and Kyle Brotzman, this tour is sure to thrill and excite as you explore the wonderful alcohol-free tailgating area as well as the new press box suites where alcohol is allowed (because when we can make money off of it, it’s okay).
December 20th 3:00 p.m. – Special exclusive showing of the director’s cut of Napoleon Dynamite in Boise’s finest movie theatre.
December 20th 5:00 p.m. – Dinner at Olive Garden.
December 21st 10:00 a.m. – Visit to the Boise Mormon Temple. As Boise’s most awe-inspiring piece of architecture, this monument to our Lord and Savior Joseph Smith is a must see attraction. Please bring your official Mormon identification card if you want to enter the Temple itself. No, flashing your magic underwear at us is not acceptable as a form of ID.
December 21st 12:00 p.m. – Lunch at City Hall.
December 21st 1:00 p.m. – Tour of the Idaho State Capital building. Here you’ll see the exact spot where our brightest minds vote on which ways we can make the state of Idaho more of a national laughing stock. During this tour you’ll also be given a chance to view our various murals, most of which depict the murder and lynching of various indigenous peoples.
Congratulations again on your accomplishment. We hope to see the stands at Albertson Stadium full of sober Idaho Vandal fans freezing their balls off. We’ve moved the kickoff to 5 p.m. to ensure it is as cold and miserable as possible.
Fuck You,
The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl Committee