BS Thread

[nuraman00]

Fun is a relative term specific to the person having or lacking the fun or lack thereof. I do have things that I anticipate to have been fun but weren't or to be fun that I don't know if it will be. Yes, past and present tense mean nothing as I'm responding to a past post about a future event that already happened and to which I hadn't addressed yet. And yes, I know, all posts are in the past. At least all those in which I could respond to, unless I anticipated the future posts, in which you'd either tell me to anticipate or I would figure it out some other way.

And then there were some things that were fun. Mostly gardened this weekend, which I hate to do. Not because I hate gardening, it's just that I hate to do gardening. Gardening by itself is great. Doing it, not so much. Took my daughter to the gym. Well, not a workout gym, but a kids' play place gym.

As to upcoming weekends, nothing planned, all accidental. We planned our baby for almost a year (damn breastfeeding!), so no more planning for me. I plan on not planning on anything. Just having it. Weekends are weird when you don't have a full-time job. It's basically time where everyone else is free and you cannot contact employers.

How can I have something fun planned soon? I mean, it's either planned or it isn't planned. I have no idea whether I will plan it soon or plan it later. But it isn't planned yet to happen soon. I mean, if I plan something for next weekend that isn't really planned soon, unless you see next weekend as soon. I see it as planned next weekend, but also, since I already planned it, hypothetically, it would have been planned already, not planned soon, regardless of your definition of "soon."

A gym like these?

[youtube]YDNXGpx-0k8&t=1m25s[/youtube]


If you have a fun event already planned in the near future, then you have something fun planned soon.

 

[nuraman00]

If I didn't know about the commercials I would have thought the pairs were: John Stockton and Karl Malone; Hardees and Diet Pepsi, or Jerry Sloan and John Deere tractors. Or Courtney Kirkland and Kirkney Courtland.

No, I'm not a robot. I already paired up with my wife and my wife with my daughter and my daughter with me.

But I will find you a robot friend, if you'd like(add strikethrough).

Yes, I can share the secret nickname my wife and I gave my second embryo. She had the first, so the second is all mine!

Those are your human pairs. You are also part of a robot pair. You have different personas, all of which are a part of their own pairs.

 

[nuraman00]

I can't say I wasn't warned.

But I can type it, regardless of its truth.

I wasn't warned of the ridiculous post!

Ok, now that that's out of the way, all women secretly want me to watch their breasts, whether or not they are attached to a thirsty baby or a baby who is not thirsty but there anyway.

LOL! Great post.

 

[nuraman00]

It's complicated because they have a natural drive to act like they don't want me looking but have to show it so I can see. Then, they have to act disgusted while unbuttoning their shirt.

Good post.

 

[nuraman00]

I'm not a pervert, said in the voice of Richard Nixon.

Link?

 

[nuraman00]

As to upcoming weekends, nothing planned, all accidental.

Thanks.

 

[nuraman00]

If I didn't know about the commercials I would have thought the pairs were: John Stockton and Karl Malone; Hardees and Diet Pepsi, or Jerry Sloan and John Deere tractors. Or Courtney Kirkland and Kirkney Courtland.

The other Jazz pair was Jeff Hornacek and Getting Horny. Hornacek was in a Horny State when a certain body part was on fire:

















-- his hands.

 

[nuraman00]

We're both robots because good things come in pairs, like John Stockton and Diet Pepsi; or Karl Malone, and Hardees fried chicken; or Jerry Sloan, and getting seven game suspensions for pushing Courtney Kirkland in the chest;

Back when the incident happened, and I saw the headline, I didn't know that Kirkland was a male. So I was even more startled by the location of Sloan's contact on the referee's body.

Run-In With Referee Costs Sloan 7 Games - Los Angeles Times

 

[MHSL82]

Back when the incident happened, and I saw the headline, I didn't know that Kirkland was a male. So I was even more startled by the location of Sloan's contact on the referee's body.

Run-In With Referee Costs Sloan 7 Games - Los Angeles Times

If Courtney were a woman, it would depend on attractiveness whether one pushes or grabs the chest. Or maybe he was falling and a bigger chested woman just helped cushion his fall? Couldn't blame him for that, especially if she were attractive. Again, I'm not a pervert, you're the one talking about gender and chests...

 

[MHSL82]

I thought it was funny that the headline on the NBA page was his brother saying Jason's "happier." Gay means happy and twins are often compared, so it seems like he was saying Jason was the gayer twin. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Happy's good.

Jarron Collins appreciates support for Jason Collins, his twin brother

 

[MHSL82]

Some of this did sync up with his lips. With a better voice and the Bad Lip Reading guys touches, this could be a lot better. But some of it worked.

[YOUTUBE]CSyRhlGae-M[/YOUTUBE]

 

[MHSL82]

Karl Malone says he's proud of Jason Collins for coming out

It would have been funny if he had confused the brothers, remarking how he played with Amaechi and Collins, two gay players, only to be corrected that he played with the straight one - to which he'd respond, "no, believe me, Karl played with the gay one..." pause... "maybe dey both be gay?"

 

[MHSL82]

 

[MHSL82]

I'm sure this is how my daughter looked at me when she was under a year old (though I didn't really baby talk her).

[YOUTUBE]hUUyJugqO-s[/YOUTUBE]

 

[MHSL82]

 

[MHSL82]

 

[nuraman00]

 

[nuraman00]

I can't say I wasn't warned.

But I can type it, regardless of its truth.

I wasn't warned of the ridiculous post!

Ok, now that that's out of the way, all women secretly want me to watch their breasts, whether or not they are attached to a thirsty baby or a baby who is not thirsty but there anyway. It's complicated because they have a natural drive to act like they don't want me looking but have to show it so I can see. Then, they have to act disgusted while unbuttoning their shirt.

Some women, I am happy to oblige, and I do. But these damn grandmothers, fatties, and obnoxious women get to me, especially around my wife. I'm trying to look like a loving husband and father. But when I tell them that, they just say I'm their daddy, which is disgusting and humanly impossible without legal adoption. I mean, they can be old enough to be my grandmother and I have to shield myself.

But, sometimes, it's good. But I wish they'd stop acting insulted or disgusted. So what if I drool? They asked for it. Even if they are fully clothed and are wearing a jacket.

I realize this has gotten a bit further than I wanted the joke to go. I'm not a pervert, said in the voice of Richard Nixon.

You know, this whole time, I thought lawyers were the most noblest of professions. People that don't discriminate according to one's body type. They just want to help anyone.

But now, I see that doctors are better. They will look at people of all body types, and all locations on one's body.

So, the new rankings are:

Doctors > good teachers > car salespersons > bad teachers > car insurance salespersons > jingle advertising writers > girl scout cookies sales girls > plumbers > late cable install technicians > auto body repair workers that keep finding things wrong with one's car > cooks that make deceptively fatty foods > drug test sample collectors that smile after collecting your sample > complaining neighbors > Earl Watson > the refs who called fouls in Michael Jordan's favor > the refs who ignored the fouls Dennis Rodman was committing > the refs who called fouls on Malone or Stockton > Courtney Kirkland > the Warriors who kept beating the Jazz in the 1st round > the Jazz fan who wore the license plate "Jazz Fan" (because he allegedly was a scalper, according to rumors on message boards) > lawyers such as MHSL82.

 

[MHSL82]

You know, this whole time, I thought lawyers were the most noblest of professions. People that don't discriminate according to one's body type. They just want to help anyone.

But now, I see that doctors are better. They will look at people of all body types, and all locations on one's body.

So, the new rankings are:

Doctors > good teachers > car salespersons > bad teachers > car insurance salespersons > jingle advertising writers > girl scout cookies sales girls > plumbers > late cable install technicians > auto body repair workers that keep finding things wrong with one's car > cooks that make deceptively fatty foods > drug test sample collectors that smile after collecting your sample > complaining neighbors > Earl Watson > the refs who called fouls in Michael Jordan's favor > the refs who ignored the fouls Dennis Rodman was committing > the refs who called fouls on Malone or Stockton > Courtney Kirkland > the Warriors who kept beating the Jazz in the 1st round > the Jazz fan who wore the license plate "Jazz Fan" (because he allegedly was a scalper, according to rumors on message boards) > lawyers such as MHSL82.

You don't understand. It's my compassion that tells me that these grandmothers, fatties, and obnoxious women should not want me to stare at them because they are people of which I should have such admiration and respect for. Fatties are happy to eat, so I admire that guiltless eating, but I feel bad for the guilt they feel after eating - this makes me all the more admiring. Grandmothers, well, they're older, so they must be better. If they were younger, they are sinners, but once their kids have kids, all bad stuff is gone and I should honor them because of their age. Now, older women who I have no idea whether they have grandchildren or younger women who are grandmothers due to looking young or having kids early who have kids early, I have to err on the side of respect - unless they're MILFs (limited window of opportunity - and unfortunately mostly troubled if they had kids at 14 and their kids had kids at 14, too). Obnoxious women, let's just say I am envious of their freedom to do what they want. I am crazy and annoying at times, but obnoxious? I wish! I wouldn't want these groups to think that I should be checking them out. I respect them too much.

Now, hotties, MILFs, and legal-aged models (those who are aged illegally are terrible - only a few models can be aged), I respect them so much that I feel that if I don't look I will be offending them, making them so uncomfortable that I'm not giving them the attention they are so used to.

 

[MHSL82]

The cheerleader isn't wearing any pants apparently. I wonder if the cameraman or camerawoman would have kept showing everything else if they noticed or if they'd be the perv. I thought she was wearing light tan shorts, but after watching it a thousand times ( ), I don't think she is.