Advice...

[Jack_John_Mark]

LearningCurve, after going through LITERALLY the exact same thing you're going through, the best advice I can give you is this...............break up with her.

Now, that doesn't mean you need to break up with her and start looking for new girls........that's not the point. She needs to feel what it's like to lose you. A lot of times taking a break strengthens relationships so much that you get back together and never have problems ever again.

The problem is this................if you don't break up with her first, she is going to break up with you, and then you'll be doomed as a couple for good.....barring a miracle. This is what happened to me.............and this is exactly what you don't want to happen. If you have feelings for her, and you believe that she could be the one, then you need to break up with her and make her feel what she felt before you guys started dating.

The person who gets dumped is always the person who immediately wants to get back together.

 

[Brasky]

So sick of hearing go the gym.......

I've had a lot of people tell me over the last week to start going to the gym..... supposedly that is better for you than being a drunk...... Problem is..... I start working out, I see results I want more....... I do things to get more..... that are worse for you than alchohol..

 

[Brasky]

Learningcurve been there done that as well. You need to dump this girl. She isn't worth your time. This whole situation is toxic for you man. It's not your fault. It sounds like you're keeping YOUR side of the street clean and it's her who needs to make the changes. You're making her a priority when it sounds like she's probably not making you one. This girl is not good enough for you.

 

[Jack_John_Mark]

I can tell you right now, you will spend a good amount of time hating yourself if you let her call the shots and end the relationship.

Girls want what they can't have.......until they grow up. Girls will be immature until they finally go through a learning experience. This would be the perfect opportunity for her to learn. Make her feel like she can't have you. Break up with her and make her regret what she's done to your relationship over the past year.

You two may still stand a chance in the future if you do this, honestly.

 

[oaknightshockey1]

while i won't disagree with jjm and the others, i also recently went through something similar to you with my girlfriend of over 3 years (including the gay guy friend thing). it sucks. it is the worst feeling ever. but I stuck it out. i told her exactly how i felt, and how her actions made me feel, and pretty much gave her an ultimatum (but not how you would think). i told her that what she was doing was really hurting me, and that i cared about her very much and just wanted her to be happy. i told her that if i wasn't making her happy, that we needed to be done. but if i was the person to make her happy, she needed to act like it. it is a slow process, but we are slowly improving day by day. just know that your situation is not like anyone else's, and you should take all advice on here and think about it, don't just assume it to be true. i had several people tell me to break up with my gf, and several tell me to stay with her. i had to make my own choice.

 

[HuskerInSecLand]

I agree with oak. You don't necessarily need to dump her but you do need to put the onus on her for the relationship. You have done everything you can, probably too much allowing her to think she can be in a relationship without putting anything into it.
Tell her how you feel and ask her to be upfront and honest with you and tell you exactly what she wants in this relationship (if she even wants it).

If she doesn't want it also or if she wants what you do not than you need to be prepared to move on. It seems like your life is ending if it does but you are 21 and your life will move on and you will find the right person. Unfortunately finding the right person for you usually means finding several who are not. Recognize that and move on.

I'd like to bring up one other thing. She is 19 and has been in a relationship with you for 2 years. Around 18 it is normal for girls to explore their sexuality in ways they could not while living wit their parents.

Do you think it is possible she has did this and decided she is lesbian? With the close relationship wit a gay guy (no threat of sexual advances) and no desire for sex with you (girls usually can get warmed up with deep kissing) makes me wonder if she just has no sexual desire for men.

 

[Brasky]

In my experience ultimatums just end up making things worse later on.

 

[Red_Alert]

Or she knows she's got you on the hook, but is more attracted to the gay dude and hopes she can get him to eventually change teams.

I'm sure the gay dude knows all of your personal info, freq of sex etc.

 

[HuskerInSecLand]

In my experience ultimatums just end up making things worse later on.

But sometimes ultimatums are the only way to move past the status quo. You just have to be ready to accept the decision either way.

I am looking at it as a 50+ year old and though I try to remember how breaking up hurts I also remember the things I experieinced because I broke up in unhealthy relationships including my wife of 25 years.

I really think the best thing that could happen to LC is to move on and leave this behind with the lesson that he had a 2 year relationship with 1.5 years going downhill. That is too much investment with no return.

 

[Red_Alert]

But sometimes ultimatums are the only way to move past the status quo. You just have to be ready to accept the decision either way.

I am looking at it as a 50+ year old and though I try to remember how breaking up hurts I also remember the things I experieinced because I broke up in unhealthy relationships including my wife of 25 years.

I really think the best thing that could happen to LC is to move on and leave this behind with the lesson that he had a 2 year relationship with 1.5 years going downhill. That is too much investment with no return.

Reps to that.

 

[Edisto_Tiger]

Too many girls out there to be wasting your energies on one that causes you any kind of anxiety. Cut the strings and move on. If you are not "Serious" after 2 years, you will never be. Better to end it and move on now than to look back at this moment and wish you had. You are just wasting your time pissing up a rope.

ETA: She is 19. Her sex drive hasn't changed, her sex partner has.

I agree with this. It's a hard pill to swallow, but there are too many girls out there that would love to spend time with you. If ya'll are taken "time" to figure things out, then I suggest putting your line back in the water and see what bites.

 

[LearningCurve]

We decided to break up today. Things are pretty rough, thanks for the support guys. Not sure what to do now.

 

[Edisto_Tiger]

We decided to break up today. Things are pretty rough, thanks for the support guys. Not sure what to do now.

Take a deep breathe and go do some shit just for you. Find a buddy to chat with, drink a beer with, to get out of the house with. Don't sit around dwelling on this. I know it's easier said than done when you are emotional invested, but seriously go do something for yourself. You'll make it through this. I've been there too. I know it's tough, but there are better days to come bro!

 

[Red_Alert]

You sound like you enjoyed being in a long term relationship so here's the scoop.

Set your priorities in what you're looking for in a woman and get back out there.

When you meet them don't dwell to them about the previous relationship. If they ask just say you dated for a couple years and that it wasn't meant to be. Leave it at that. No finger pointing or blaming.

When you're looking have your filter on. What do YOU really like and what type of person are you?

Are you willing to do the majority of the cooking if she don't cook?
What are your personal housekeeping standards. Would you be resentful if you had to do the majority yourself?
Do you like the outdoors and want your family to be a part of your outdoor activities. Camping, boating, fishing, hiking, cycling, etc..?
Do you like to travel?
What are your economic goals, and are hers similar?

If she says she likes to fish, but don't know a damn thing about fishing she's probably telling you what she thinks you wanna hear. So be honest with yourself when you meet some hottie, but you don't have much in common with. Knock a hole in it sure, but move along.

Relationships often lead to contracts so know what your getting into. It's a serious biz.

 

[Jack_John_Mark]

Well, whatever you do, just don't go calling her and texting her. Make her reach out to you. Otherwise it will turn into one of these things were she's with her friends and she's like "OMFG, he won't leave me the fuck alone."

She's a girl.......which means she's confused..........because girls are actually born without the part of the brain that allows them to have things figured out. But they're definitely born with the part of the brain that allows them to think they have everything figured out. Girls just gotta go through a learning experience to grow up.....plain and simple. Leave her in the dust.....don't reach out to her at all.......and she will eventually reach out to you again.

 

[NUance]

You sound like you enjoyed being in a long term relationship so here's the scoop.

Set your priorities in what you're looking for in a woman and get back out there.

When you meet them don't dwell to them about the previous relationship. If they ask just say you dated for a couple years and that it wasn't meant to be. Leave it at that. No finger pointing or blaming.

When you're looking have your filter on. What do YOU really like and what type of person are you?

Are you willing to do the majority of the cooking if she don't cook?
What are your personal housekeeping standards. Would you be resentful if you had to do the majority yourself?
Do you like the outdoors and want your family to be a part of your outdoor activities. Camping, boating, fishing, hiking, cycling, etc..?
Do you like to travel?
What are your economic goals, and are hers similar?

If she says she likes to fish, but don't know a damn thing about fishing she's probably telling you what she thinks you wanna hear. So be honest with yourself when you meet some hottie, but you don't have much in common with. Knock a hole in it sure, but move along.

Relationships often lead to contracts so know what your getting into. It's a serious biz.

Also find out her stance on blowjobs. Perhaps even more important than cooking.

 

[oaknightshockey1]

Well, whatever you do, just don't go calling her and texting her. Make her reach out to you. Otherwise it will turn into one of these things were she's with her friends and she's like "OMFG, he won't leave me the fuck alone."

She's a girl.......which means she's confused..........because girls are actually born without the part of the brain that allows them to have things figured out. But they're definitely born with the part of the brain that allows them to think they have everything figured out. Girls just gotta go through a learning experience to grow up.....plain and simple. Leave her in the dust.....don't reach out to her at all.......and she will eventually reach out to you again.

truer words have never been spoken.

 

[Red_Alert]

Also find out her stance on blowjobs. Perhaps even more important than cooking.

Reps..

And there is a 1 -10 scale on BJ quality.

Know your needs.

 

[NUance]

Reps..

And there is a 1 -10 scale on BJ quality.

Know your needs.

THere is! A huge difference in quality out there. If you're lucky her last boyfriend/husband/lover trained her up good. If not, then you'll have to train her yourself. If she's willing to learn. WHich is why you need to know her stance on BJs right up front.

 

[Jack_John_Mark]

I honestly guage it all by the first hand job. If she peels your dick like it's a banana, don't even move on to the BJ......just stay the fuck away from the BJ at that point