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Advice...

LearningCurve

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Hey guys, I just want to start off and say this is not a troll post/account. I am a member on here but am really going through some tough times in life. I feel like my life just sucks and am losing appreciation for it, so I just need some people to talk to. I know people can track my Ip and find out who I am but I ask you just keep it to yourself. For the record I am not suicidal and stuff, just really have a terrible outlook at life right now. I figured I would post it in the Nebraska section because this is usually where I spent my time and I have a good sense of who you all are as individuals.

First off I am having relationship issues. I am currently not talking to my girlfriend as she has asked for some space to decide if she wants to continue a relationship with me. We've been having problems for the past 4 months and been dating for about 2 years. Our problem in our relationship is sex and her new friends/friendships.

It was about a year into our relationship when she seemed to lose her sex drive(I am 21, she is 19). At start were going at it about 2-3 times a week, then once a week, to once a month, and now I haven't been laid since approximately a week before thanksgiving of last year. She says sex doesn't appeal to her, and she doesn't want to have sex anymore. I respected her decision and thought she was just going through a phrase because some girls do, but as time has passed she is becoming more and more against any sexual type of romance.

No matter how hard I tried to get her in the mood in various methods of just taking her out and making her feel special to foreplay, she resisted. It got to the point that very week or two she would give me a little something else in return which was nice, but just isn't the same connection. She doesn't let me do anything to her anymore or try to get her in the mood. She doesn't even make out with me or kiss me deeply because she thinks I will try to lead it into sex. It's just completely awful and how shes stopped even with giving me things every once in awhile. We tried to do it on a night where we celebrated Christmas together, but she said it "hurt." so we stopped and didn't even really do anything. I've asked her if she thinks something is wrong with her down there, and she says she doesn't know, but she is also unwilling to even find out or try to fix the problem.

Now before people get the assumption that all I want is sex, it's not. I have been trying to have a great relationship with her despite a lackluster sex life. Its just at least once every week or two weeks I really want to get something going, the fact that I have no sex life with her anymore makes me internally unhappy and depressed. Everyday I see her I go out of my way to make her feel special, important, and know that I am willing to do anything for her but it just seems hopeless.

As for her friends, she recently started to hang out with a group of friends from work. Her new best friend is a gay guy (yes he is completely gay and my g/f is not cheating on me) and she texts and spends a considerable amount of time with him. I feel like my anger and sadness is funneling towards him because he became a part of my g/fs life when our problems occurred. The worst part about this guy is he is so latchy and takes up my g/fs entire facebook page and texts her non-stop. He is more and more becoming a part of my g/f's life as I seem to be fading away.

These two problems in our relationship seem to cause us to get mad at each other or annoyed every once in awhile. We've tried discussing how we felt to each other about two times now but she doesn't change anything. We both have gotten better about getting annoyed at one another or mad but she doesn't make efforts to do anything sexual, and she spends more time with her friends than me still. I feel like I have taken backseat to her new found friends and lost my sex life completely. I don't want our relationship to end because I love her, but I don't want to be internally unhappy in the process.

:(

I'm actually going to work now, so I'll be on in few hours to discuss this problem. Sorry for the length guys.
 

Red_Alert

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Are you living together?
 
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Break up.

You are wayyyy too young. You'll have 2-3 other serious girlfriends before you're ready to settle down. Go find yourself someone that's worth your time - someone that wants to be with you.

In the meantime... go to the gym.
 

huskers1217

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Fuck off Chuck

The last thing you want to do is be stuck in something that is horrible
 

Red_Alert

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You are being taken for granted.

1. Healthy relationships aren't supposed to be that difficult.

2. Only you'll know when you've had enough.
 

sandhill_husker

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:nod:


The gym for sure. Working out helps in a lot of ways, especially if you make it routine.

danny-mcbride-4.jpg


And try to keep a smile on your face when you can. Lay down your burdens and appreciate the simple things in life.
 

Papalou

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I went through something similar but after we were married several years.

This may be a stretch but tell your g/f to have her thyroid checked.

We stumbled across this but luckily before we ended our marriage.

If that isnt the solution I d get out.
 

iruletheskool

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Leave. If you know anything about what happened to me, then trust me youll be better off

And yes..

Gym helps a lot. A whole lot.
 

NUance

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Try being disinterested in her. Don't call for a while. Don't do much to make an effort.

Either she'll break up with you (likely). Or come begging back. Either alternative would be better than what you got now. Plenty O fish in the ocean.
 

jedburks

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You are apparently a regular or at the very least a semi regular. I will send you PM when I get a chance and share my thoughts afte going through a similar feeling you are going through.
 

iruletheskool

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Youre 21.. go out and ask every girl to dance with you til one says yes..

Works for me anyway :D
 

Tomhusker

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I have started to type on this thread 3 times, wanting to share some sage advice. However, all I really wanted to say was this:

Too many girls out there to be wasting your energies on one that causes you any kind of anxiety. Cut the strings and move on. If you are not "Serious" after 2 years, you will never be. Better to end it and move on now than to look back at this moment and wish you had. You are just wasting your time pissing up a rope.

ETA: She is 19. Her sex drive hasn't changed, her sex partner has.
 

HawkeyeHater

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So sick of hearing go the gym.......

I've had a lot of people tell me over the last week to start going to the gym..... supposedly that is better for you than being a drunk...... Problem is..... I start working out, I see results I want more....... I do things to get more..... that are worse for you than alchohol..



As to the OP...... Be totally honest with her and say a 21 year old guy can't deal with not getting laid once ever six months... There probably is something wrong with her down there... She probably needs to get checked.

Doesn't matter if you think she is the "love of your life or whatever"..... You can't have what most people want in life without sex..

I'd pretty much make a ultimatum- you get checked out- or this relationship is over, if there really is something wrong- then deal with it- if there isn't, time to move on.
 

TheRobotDevil

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Youre 21.. go out and ask every girl to dance with you til one says yes..

Works for me anyway :D

from my experience girls go nuts over good guys who are under appreciated or neglected by their girlfriends if you play the angle right en sech
 

LearningCurve

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I really don't want to break up and start looking for a new girl. These two problems are really the only ones in our relationship. I hate to say it, but honestly if she just gave me her undivided attention when she was with me and have a sexual relationship with me we wouldn't have problems at all.

I know shes changed, but I am kind of a believer that if you can make true love work.
 

Papalou

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Heres the best advice I was ever given," People dont fall in love, they fall in lust, love is earned slowly through the years"

You cant change the way a person is LC if she isnt showing interest in you now you should at very least take a breather and check the waters .

You arent doin yourself any favors by hanging on to something that she let go of a long time ago.
 
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