some gems in today's Down Goes Brown

[esls79]

That is a rather flattering photo of Jacobs if you ask me.

 

[DevilishWon]

That is a rather flattering photo of Jacobs if you ask me.

It's creepy when he tells Cam Neely.....I am your father Cam

 

[mattola]

Down Goes Brown: Surprises in the new NHL CBA deal

 

[dash]

• The two sides will split the cost of a tasteful memorial plaque and reflecting pool to be located at the top of the contract length hill that Bill Daly died on.

• The players agree to help the owners defer the cost of jet fuel, specifically on that cargo plane that's spent the last few months circling over Toronto carrying a terrified Roberto Luongo with a parachute strapped to his back.

• Bettman promises to never again talk about how much massages cost because it was just creeping everybody out.

Gold, silver, and bronze winners.

 

[mattola]

Down Goes Brown: Gary Bettman, Donald Fehr and the NHL Lockout's Guilty Conscience

 

[mooger_35]

Absolutely fucking awesome!

 

[puckhead]

Down Goes Brown: 2013 NHL Season Preview - Eastern Conference

 

[dash]

Boston Bruins - The team knows they're going to have to go out there and get their uniforms dirty, at which point Tyler Seguin will try to wash them using his refrigerator, a bottle of shampoo and an old lemon peel.

Montreal Canadiens - Have cruelly told Scott Gomez to stay home despite him being the only player in the league to maintain his offensive production throughout the entire lockout.

:lol3:

 

[Nasty_Magician]

Wow, that one was spot on. Almost every one of them was "lol" worthy.

 

[elocomotive]

Boston Bruins - The team knows they're going to have to go out there and get their uniforms dirty, at which point Tyler Seguin will try to wash them using his refrigerator, a bottle of shampoo and an old lemon peel.

I laughed so hard at that.

This will bring new meaning to when someone makes a move that is just filthy versus making a move on that next level that is Seguin filthy!

 

[forty_three]

Pittsburgh Penguins - Sidney Crosby will have to adjust to wearing his new league-mandated helmet, which looks mysteriously like Gary Bettman clutching his head like a tarsier monkey while hissing "nobody touch him!"

I would have gone with "Rabid Wombat".

 

[DevilishWon]

• The two sides will split the cost of a tasteful memorial plaque and reflecting pool to be located at the top of the contract length hill that Bill Daly died on.

If only....

 

[DevilishWon]

Down Goes Brown: 2013 NHL Season Preview - Eastern Conference

This man...not Gary Bettman....should be Commissioner of All Hockey and maybe even Tsar of All the Russia's.

Brilliant just brilliant!

 

[Darkstone42]

That was hilarious. I even did my creepy, slowing building laugh, and that means it was really funny.

 

[flyersfan4706]

Oh, a Bryzgalov joke

 

[mattola]

Down Goes Brown: 2013 NHL Season Preview - Western Conference

 

[mattola]

THREEPEAT

Vancouver Canucks - Are trying to become the first team in NHL history to win the Presidents' Trophy for a third straight times, which is great because once you collect three you get to trade them in for an trophy people actually care about.

 

[dash]

Calgary Flames - Expect Jarome Iginla's trademark smile and infectious laugh to light up the dressing room, right up until he realizes the reporters were actually serious when they asked about the Flames making the playoffs.

:sadpanda:

 

[dash]

Detroit Red Wings - The loss of Nicklas Lidstrom won't be too devastating so the team shouldn't make a big deal out of it, says Lidstrom awkwardly, before adding that the entire Red Wings front office and coaching staff can get out of his bathroom and let him finish his shower any time now.

 

[mooger_35]

Not posted on DGB but this is from the same author:

Teemu Selanne! … Plus Nine Other Dudes to Watch This NHL Season - The Triangle Blog - Grantland

Shea Weber, Nashville Predators
Fun fact: When you go to Shea Weber’s CapGeek page to see how much money he makes, it just says “all of it.”