OT: Jokes and Riddles thread

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[forty_three]

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: "Good new please."
Doctor: "We're naming a disease after you."

 

[Judge Fudge]

During a Sermon a Minster declared:

"If you realize your better half controls you, move to one side. ”
Every one of the men in the congregation moved to the left aside from one man.
The minister was blissful that there was somewhere around one resilient man and asked him at least one tough man, and asked him,
“Why does your better half have zero control over you? ”

The man unobtrusively answered, “my better half told me not to move.”

 

[buffhockey]

 

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^

Gotta have some loafers in there...

 

[buffhockey]

 

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[sbb122]

When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?" "Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven." The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit." "OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven." Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. "Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter. "Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."

 

[Judge Fudge]

I got depressed about a month ago so I joined a gang....

Their called the cut throat killers

 

[redskinsfan1963]

I,ll never forget the look on the checkout ladies face after I asked her how long it took the birds to grow after the seed I bought got planted.