Holy shit

[Cedrique]

Yeah, the tricks out in AC know their business. I once wrote a column while I was with 'Atlantic City Weekly' on the very topic-

"Go to 'TER' (The Erotic Review), and look on there to see what the highest rated prostitutes are in the area.

It'll show their height, weight, age, ethnicity, hair color, price, customer reviews, etc. Look for ones that have a lot of reviews, like 10 or more reviews preferably, the bigger the sample size the better, since it's less likely that the prostitute just wrote all of her own reviews to falsely advertise. Also look to see if they all seem like they are written by the same person, or if the writing styles are different from review to review, etc. It even has a category where they mark whether or not the hooker was the same chick as was advertised in her online photo, so, if you see one that has a lot of reviews confirming it's really her, then chances are you'll get what you see.

The good ones tend to start at around $500, although there are exceptions (I once got a legitimately hot one for just $400, although this was a fairly lucky catch imo). Also, don't assume that just because one is $900 that she'll automatically be hotter than one that is $600. Some of them charge way more than their hotness level should dictate, and vice versa, so spend some time browsing around, and you should be able to find a decently hot one for $500 or so probably."








I'm kind of mad about not ever thinking of the idea for TER first. It's really a simple idea- Yelp with prostitutes

This might actually be the most useful, least offensive thing you've ever posted

 

[Omar 382]

Carlos Santana pressed for comment on his first thread as a Phillie

 

[Cedrique]

Great advice about not assuming the most expensive ones are necessarily the best or best looking. It is the same with buying used cars on Craigslist

 

[Cedrique]

Carlos Santana pressed for comment on his first thread as a Phillie

Yeah I saw that. When they asked him what he thought of Phillies fans he said "what the fuck is the deal with all that bullshit on the Padres board?" (through an interpreter, of course)

 

[Omar 382]

This might actually be the most useful, least offensive thing you've ever posted

In the feedback from the readers, I got a lot of people asking about the "outrageous" amount of money I spent, so I replied to them in the next editorial-

"I mean, if you're just getting a hooker walking the streets or the lobby, then yea those prices would be insanely high.

But, if you are getting a high class callgirl, who is legitimately hot (like, an 8/10 or hotter), and is confirmed to be legit, (and no risk of it being an undercover cop or a false profile pic the way it would be if you gambled for cheapness on craigslist), and has good reviews and GFE and everything, then yea it's going to cost a little money.

Personally, I'd rather get a $50+ steak once a month than a $12 steak once a week. And I'd rather get a $500 hooker once or twice a year than a $100 shitty/ugly hooker 5-10 times a year. The way I see it is, I don't even enjoy it at all if the hooker isn't legitimately hot. Like, I literally don't get any enjoyment whatsoever if she isn't hot by non-hooker standards. So, I don't see any point in paying any money at all for something that I don't even enjoy. I'd rather pay way more money and actually enjoy it than pay way less money but not enjoy it at all.

Anyway, even so, it is true that if you search hard enough, you can get hot ones for considerably cheaper than those types of prices, it's just, the cheaper they are, in general the higher and higher the risk gets (risk that they are an undercover cop, or a psycho who will rob you, or a fake profile pic, etc etc), and the less likely they are to be legit-hot. So, it's basically just paying for convenience and risk-insurance, and hotness-insurance lol. If you are willing to pay those extra few hundo it goes a long way, in my experience anyway.

But to each their own obv. Some people can get their rocks off with a $30 streetwalker with rotted teeth and aids virus-scabs all over their face etc. Some people can't. Some people need at least a 5/10 to get off. Some people need at least a 7/10 and no older than 25 years old to get off. It just depends. I happen to only be able to get off if the chick is under 25, hot, has good breath, nice teeth, a pretty face, smooth skin, non-saggy tits, slender body type but still a nice hourglass shape, etc. So, it costs a pretty penny for me to GUARANTEE that the girl I'm getting is going to meet ALL of those requirements, and I'm willing to pay the cost. Even if it means I don't get to do it very often (which is fine with me, since I only really need to get my fuck on about once a year or so to stay semi-sane lol)."

 

[Cedrique]

seriously? you're forcing me to go to some website called "The Erotic Review" ? I guess I don't really have a choice at this point. I'll be back in a few hours

 

[Omar 382]

seriously? you're forcing me to go to some website called "The Erotic Review" ? I guess I don't really have a choice at this point. I'll be back in a few hours

Find any babes yet on TER?

If not, you can enter promo code “OMAR” and get 10% off all 1-5 rated women, and 15% off all 6-10’s.

Oh yeah, if you’re wondering how I know this promotion- I bought the company out last week, and sales are already up. We’re projecting 4th quarter returns 80% higher than 2017 revenue. I totally revamped our whole image, and taking a page out of that reviewer’s book from above, our official slogan now reads

“The Erotic Review- Some people can get their rocks off with a $30 streetwalker with rotted teeth and aids virus-scabs all over their face etc. Some people can't.”

 

[Cedrique]

only 10% off the 1-5s?

 

[Omar 382]

only 10% off the 1-5s?

Alright, 15% off 1-5's who are HIV positive, still only 10% for all other 1-5's. You're welcome.

 

[Omar 382]

Phillies' Will Middlebrooks: Inks NRI deal with Phillies

The rich get richer!!! Nice knowin' ya, Fraudco!

Phils' Middlebrooks breaks leg in spring game

The Phillies’ top brass probably paid off Pullin to collide with the great Mahatma Middlebrooks just to keep the infield NRI-free

 

[Cedrique]

Phils' Middlebrooks breaks leg in spring game

The Phillies’ top brass probably paid off Pullin to collide with the great Mahatma Middlebrooks just to keep the infield NRI-free

It looks like the NRI needs an MRI

 

[Omar 382]

It looks like the NRI needs an MRI

I just discovered ELO. Two things

1. Now I can finally join in on your Jay Bruce jokes when we play the Mutts this year
2. Why the fuck didn't you tell me about this band sooner

Also, have you ever seen the 2000 movie Traffic (5/5 stars)? It's the 11th movie I've ever awarded a perfect 5/5 star rating to.

 

[Omar 382]

For all the doubters and haters. This guy is unreal. Middlebrooks: "I plan on playing this year."

Phillies Will Middlebrooks upbeat after injury

 

[Cedrique]

Damn, the dude has some balls. I like it. He wasn't even on the roster and he's saying "in the next couple years, We're gonna be really good."

 

[Omar 382]

Damn, the dude has some balls. I like it. He wasn't even on the roster and he's saying "in the next couple years, We're gonna be really good."

Yeah, yeah cool, now answer my earlier question about why I wasn’t informed of ELO sooner....

 

[Cedrique]

Yeah, yeah cool, now answer my earlier question about why I wasn’t informed of ELO sooner....

I didn't notice the question. Yeah ELO was a good little group. I think I had the Greatest Hits cassette. They probably had some good songs from the 70's that I missed out on by getting the Greatest Hits in the '80's. Let me know if you run across any good deep tracks.

 

[Omar 382]

I didn't notice the question. Yeah ELO was a good little group. I think I had the Greatest Hits cassette. They probably had some good songs from the 70's that I missed out on by getting the Greatest Hits in the '80's. Let me know if you run across any good deep tracks.

Will do. And sorry, I got angry earlier about you missing the post- it was probably for the best that I didn't discover them until now anyway. I've already increased my mushroom consumption three-fold since hearing "Mr. Blue Sky." Now, I'm really never going to get that Operations Management degree....

 

[Omar 382]

I didn't notice the question. Yeah ELO was a good little group. I think I had the Greatest Hits cassette. They probably had some good songs from the 70's that I missed out on by getting the Greatest Hits in the '80's. Let me know if you run across any good deep tracks.

This obviously doesn't count, and you may have seen it anyway, but Jeff Lynne can hit the high notes better than Harrison himself (Rest In Peace)

 

[Cedrique]

This obviously doesn't count, and you may have seen it anyway, but Jeff Lynne can hit the high notes better than Harrison himself (Rest In Peace)

Damn, I didn't realize George Harrison was dead. What the hell have I been doing for the last 17 years?

 

[Omar 382]

Damn, I didn't realize George Harrison was dead. What the hell have I been doing for the last 17 years?

Wait really? Yeah, I think he had lung cancer.

Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Lennon bit the dust too....