Funny Reads

[Dobler]

One of my favorite things in getting ready for the new season ... sort of a supplement to the 'ol "Why I Hate ..." posts on KFFL. The Drew Magary "Why Your Team Sucks" 2014 editions for all the NFC North teams are now on Deadspin. Pretty great reads if you need a laugh:

Packers: Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Green Bay Packers

Dom Capers isn't the sort of fellow who enjoys tailoring a scheme to talent. Why have Peppers rush the passer when you can surprise the offense by having him cover Megatron while sending the towel boy to rush the passer? NOW THAT'S ONE EXOTIC BLITZ.

Vikings: Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Minnesota Vikings

Matt Cassel, who was clearly the best quarterback over Christian Ponder and Freeman last season, which is like being the tastiest option on a Guy Fieri menu.

Lions: Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Detroit Lions

It's like Dave Krieg. Dave Krieg played in Seattle forever and didn't really accomplish anything, so fans hear his name and they're like, "Oh yeah! Boy, he was here for a while!" That's how Stafford will end up: The Guy That Was Here.

Bears: Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Chicago Bears

I think the Bears signed Clausen specifically because he is the one QB in football who is a less appealing person than Jay Cutler, so that people never root for Cutler's backup again.