FA Frenzy Thread

[awaz]

This is what I was thinking.



Aaron Portzline has announced that Parise isn't even a hockey player and if he was he's only waiting because Rick Nash and fuck you.


Only when you give them the middle name Beth.

lol, that doesn't even make any sense! silly portzline

 

[forty_three]

lol, that doesn't even make any sense! silly portzline

I tried real hard to convey what it's like to read his stuff.

 

[awaz]

I'd say the only option is to set your exit your car, light it on fire, and stumble drunkenly off into the evening. And with that beautiful segue into how Burke is running the Maple Leafs, I'd say we are back on topic!

while i appreciate your transition, i dont think we've resolved the problem at hand.. based on the fact that it is illegal to drink and drive, stumbling drunkenly off into the evening after coming upon that sign, would logistically impossible (given our law abiding requirement).. as would setting the car on fire, as that's most likely reckless endangerment

i really think we need to buckle down and solve this.. i wouldn't know what to do in this situation

what about digging a hole and going under this intersection?

 

[awaz]

I tried real hard to convey what it's like to read his stuff.

mission accomplished.

 

[Vadered]

while i appreciate your transition, i dont think we've resolved the problem at hand.. based on the fact that it is illegal to drink and drive, stumbling drunkenly off into the evening after coming upon that sign, would logistically impossible (given our law abiding requirement).. as would setting the car on fire, as that's most likely reckless endangerment

i really think we need to buckle down and solve this.. i wouldn't know what to do in this situation

what about digging a hole and going under this intersection?

Well, you could always stop, drink the closed bottles of booze you were transporting, light your car on fire, and then stumble drunkenly off into the evening. That takes care of at least half of your issue. Not sure how to fix the lighting the car on fire step, though; it seems quite mandatory to me.

 

[awaz]

Well, you could always stop, drink the closed bottles of booze you were transporting, light your car on fire, and then stumble drunkenly off into the evening. That takes care of at least half of your issue. Not sure how to fix the lighting the car on fire step, though; it seems quite mandatory to me.

ah, a fair point. stumbling off drunkenly is legitimate.

i think if you're hell bent on setting the car on fire and breaking that law, you might as well just drive whatever direction you want, the traffic violation is probably less trouble than the destruction of property charge no?

 

[Vadered]

ah, a fair point. stumbling off drunkenly is legitimate.

i think if you're hell bent on setting the car on fire and breaking that law, you might as well just drive whatever direction you want, the traffic violation is probably less trouble than the destruction of property charge no?

WAIT. YOU COULD HELICOPTER UP.

 

[awaz]

 

[DChero]

What are we doing?

 

[mooger_35]

@markhmasters: Being told Parise will talk to reporters here in about 5 mins

 

[Darkstone42]

@markhmasters: Being told Parise will talk to reporters here in about 5 mins

I just read the same. I'm predicting based on another tweet which I can't find right now that he's staying in Jersey.

 

[flyersfan4706]

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/758/r*pe-Ewok-PREPARE-YOUR-ANUS.jpg

 

[forty_three]

@markhmasters: Being told Parise will talk to reporters here in about 5 mins

"Hey, thanks for coming guys. I just wanted to ask if anyone knows where I can get some good ribs. I am STARVING."

 

[flyersfan4706]

Dear God. This could be it. Or it could be postponed until tomorrow.

 

[raptorlife4]

Better do something. This free agency blitz has been anything but

 

[awaz]

over/under 5 signings in the hour after parise signs..

 

[mooger_35]

Down Goes Brown ‏@DownGoesBrown
This is the longest that somebody named Zach has made everyone stand around and wait without yelling “Time Out!” first.

 

[Darkstone42]

Rich Coutinho ‏@coutinho9

Looks like Parise to the Pens--big hit for NJ Devils

Who is this guy? He better not be yanking my chain!

 

[Darkstone42]

Rich Coutinho ‏@coutinho9

Looks like Parise to the Pens--big hit for NJ Devils

Who is this guy? He better not be yanking my chain!

I just found my answer. He's a Mets' beat reporter. The only thing less reliable than the Pittsburgh media is the New York media.

This all but confirms to me that Parise will not be a Penguin.

 

[forty_three]

I just found my answer. He's a Mets' beat reporter. The only thing less reliable than the Pittsburgh media is the New York media.

This all but confirms to me that Parise will not be a Penguin.

Kinda looks like the fat lawyer from Mystery, Alaska.