Coffee talk

[dash]

I am not sure who that is or what it means. "Damn" perhaps?

That is former Florida State football star and WWF/WWE wrestling star Ron Simmonds comeds. And you are correct, "Damn" was his catchphrase.

 

[fordman84]

I am not sure who that is or what it means. "Damn" perhaps?

Fun stuff. Its pure idiocy that in threads mourning fallen people posters often post political arguments right away and those posts stay. Or if someone is stabbed or killed by something other than a gun in mourning threads people often quickly post "I guess they will want to ban *insert object* next lol" and those posts stay.

However if you post something that is mocking, or intending to, the whole attitude towards mass shootings then someone who I have never seen here, someone with a gunslinger avatar and whose arguments in other threads would be classified as pro gun; then that person comes and removes your thread.

it's a rubber band slinger, thank you very much.

 

[Comeds]

Well this day isn't going the way I hoped it would. First this thread removal stuff then Words With Friends wont let me use 'wang'.

 

[Nasty_Magician]

Well this day isn't going the way I hoped it would. First this thread removal stuff then Words With Friends wont let me use 'wang'.

Oh, hi! As the FOX censor, it's my job to protect you from reality.

 

[dash]

I hate it when the FCC forces me to take a tinkle when I want to take a piss...

 

[forty_three]

Well this day isn't going the way I hoped it would. First this thread removal stuff then Words With Friends wont let me use 'wang'.

Did you use the universal suffix of "dang sweet poontang"? Ted Nugent would have saved you.

 

[forty_three]

A young boy walks into a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?

Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied,

“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

 

[Comeds]

Well yesterday was a rough day. Some posts I made were removed, Words With Friends treated me poorly, and I was caught in a lie about post counts.

After talking with my therapist last night I decided to make some changes and be more upbeat. Shes not actually a therapist, shes a waitress at NHOP* but she took a couple classes in college so she knows her stuff. She told me to spend less time goofing off and more time spreading life affirming messages. Also that even while goofing off I can do it in a positive wholesome way.

I tried it out and immediately noticed changes. I am not sure whether its the karma stuff or just the universe but a number of good things happened the last 12 hours. First I was able to play 'turd' on Words With Friends, it took it. Double word too! Secondly even though it was a traffic mess this morning Sheena Easton's "Morning Train" came on the radio followed by Len's "Steal My Sunshine" so it was an absolute pleasure of a AM drive!

So no more negativity from me, especially about serious issues. My new motto is "A stranger with an assault weapon is just a friend with an assault weapon that I haven't met yet!".

Have a great day!



*It was a local IHOP but they were disenfranchised so the owner took a hammer to the I, N, T, E, and R in the sign.

 

[dash]

This is quickly becoming my favo(u)rite thread on this board

 

[Comeds]

Hey I'm actually going to post about coffee. I had a huge iced coffee earlier. So theres virtually no chance of a good nights sleep tonight. Oh well, I'll work on my rap lp.

 

[Comeds]

RIP Casey Kasem

 

[Comeds]

I remember where I was when the OJ chase all went down. A few months before I used my savings and travelled to California to try to get a job writing or punching up scripts. Through sheer determination and through constant pestering I was given a script to work on.

I remember almost word for word what the mid-level executive told me.

“Kid”, he said taking a deep puff from his cigar, “I like you. No, honestly I don’t like you. I did like your suggestion about what if humans had anal gland issues the way dogs do and had to drag their asses across the carpet like those dogs do. Funny. It wasn’t right for “The Golden Girls” but we will use it somewhere else, maybe “Growing Pains”. Because you bothered me so much I am going to give you a shot with a relatively high profile script. But mark my words, if anything goes wrong you will never work in this town again. If your work sucks you’re done. If through no fault of your own the movie sucks, you’re done. Anything at all goes wrong with this project I will personally blame you and run you out of town. “

I was nearing the end of my savings so I took the offer. Months later, just as I finished the last page I poured a celebratory drink and turned on the TV and saw the chase. About a half hour later I doused the script with vodka and lit it on fire, packed my things and came back to Maryland. Sadly the world would never get to see “Nordberg’s Cleveland Caper: From the Files of Police Squad!” and I would never set foot in that state again.

Now OJ is in jail and I am in a cubicle. I am not sure who the winner and loser is in this scenario.

(I am posting this here in case some people are serious about the subject and dont want that thread pissed all over)

 

[forty_three]

I remember where I was when the OJ chase all went down. A few months before I used my savings and travelled to California to try to get a job writing or punching up scripts. Through sheer determination and through constant pestering I was given a script to work on.

I remember almost word for word what the mid-level executive told me.

“Kid”, he said taking a deep puff from his cigar, “I like you. No, honestly I don’t like you. I did like your suggestion about what if humans had anal gland issues the way dogs do and had to drag their asses across the carpet like those dogs do. Funny. It wasn’t right for “The Golden Girls” but we will use it somewhere else, maybe “Growing Pains”. Because you bothered me so much I am going to give you a shot with a relatively high profile script. But mark my words, if anything goes wrong you will never work in this town again. If your work sucks you’re done. If through no fault of your own the movie sucks, you’re done. Anything at all goes wrong with this project I will personally blame you and run you out of town. “

I was nearing the end of my savings so I took the offer. Months later, just as I finished the last page I poured a celebratory drink and turned on the TV and saw the chase. About a half hour later I doused the script with vodka and lit it on fire, packed my things and came back to Maryland. Sadly the world would never get to see “Nordberg’s Cleveland Caper: From the Files of Police Squad!” and I would never set foot in that state again.

Now OJ is in jail and I am in a cubicle. I am not sure who the winner and loser is in this scenario.

(I am posting this here in case some people are serious about the subject and dont want that thread pissed all over)

You can still come out ahead if you tweak it slightly as a "teen Paranormal Romance" and get Wesley Snipes to star as a glittery, impossibly handsome vampire.

Oh wait, is he in jail too?

 

[forty_three]

I just got an email, someone is trying to reset the password on the Snork_McGigglepants account at ESPN.com.

dash, if you ask nicely, I will just give you the password. Jeez.

 

[Winged_Wheel88]

I just got an email, someone is trying to reset the password on the Snork_McGigglepants account at ESPN.com.

dash, if you ask nicely, I will just give you the password. Jeez.

I've got a call for "Maya Normusbutt" on the phone over here? Has anyone seen Maya Normusbutt?

 

[Winged_Wheel88]

One day, a bright young businessman is passing by a wizened, wrinkly man sitting on his porch. The young man thinks to himself, "I wonder what the secret has been to his long life?" so he goes up to the guy sitting on his porch and asks him, "Pardon, sir! Do you mind me asking a question? What have you done in life to make you look the way you do?"

"I don't mind at all!", said the man, somewhat flattered. "Every day I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes, downed 4 shots of vodka before breakfast, made love to every woman that would let me and tried every drug under the sun."

"Wow! That's amazing!" exclaimed the businessman. "How old ARE you?"

The man, moving back and forth in his rocking chair grinned and answered, "23!"

 

[Comeds]

OK, can we cut it out with the half iced tea - half lemonade drinks?

 

[mattola]

A old man was sitting on his porch in the deep south sipping his drink and enjoying the weather. A young boy is walking past him carrying chicken wire over his shoulder.

"Hey boy! I said hey boy why you carrying that chicken wire" said the old man
"Im going to go catch some chickens sir" replied the boy
"Boy you a crazy foo, aint gunna catch no chickens with just chicken wire" the old man laughed

the boy just shrugged smiled and continued on his way. About an hour later he returned with 5 chickens in his sack, he waved at the old man who stared at him with a puzzled look on his face

the next day the same boy came across the old man still sitting on his porch, this time the boy was carrying duct tape...

"Hey boy! I said hey boy why you carrying that duct tape" said the old man
"Im going to go catch some ducks sir" replied the boy
"Boy you a crazy foo, aint gunna catch no ducks with just duct tape, its not even the same spellin" the old man laughed

the boy just shrugged smiled and continued on his way. About an hour later he returned with 5 ducks in his sack, he waved at the old man who stared at him with a puzzled look on his face slightly agitated

the next day the same boy came across the old man still sitting on his porch, this time the boy was carrying a piggy bank...

"Hey boy! I said hey boy why you carrying that piggy bank" said the old man
"Im going to go catch some pigs sir" replied the boy
"Boy you a crazy foo, aint gunna catch no pigs with just a piggy bank, that makes no sense" the old man laughed

the boy just shrugged smiled and continued on his way. About an hour later he returned with 2 pigs in his sack, he waved at the old man who stared at him with a puzzled look on his face but who was now amazed

the next day the same boy came across the old man still sitting on his porch, this time the boy was carrying pussy willow

"Hey boy! I said hey boy " screamed the old man
"what now sir" replied the boy
"wait for me Im gunna get my hat"

 

[SLY]

I drink too much coffee... I need to cut back.

 

[Comeds]

I drink too much coffee... I need to cut back.

Why? Unless you have a heart condition or it messes up your stomach its shouldn't have an adverse effect on you.