BS Thread

[nuraman00]

So where did the stereotype of the mean cafeteria worker whom seemingly hates kids come from? I don't get that one.

Are the cafeteria workers supposed to be mean, because they're so bored with their jobs that they take their anger out on others? If so, the work they do isn't different from the type of work that would be done at any restaurant, or any place where food is served. It's not like workers at those other locations have a reputation for being mean. So I don't know why a cafeteria worker has to be portrayed as overweight and mean.

And by middle school or high school, does anyone still buy cafeteria food? I don't think we had a cafeteria that served food in middle school or high school. Kids either brought their lunch, or bought it from an on-site vendor (Taco Bell Express, Round Table, etc.)

I can agree with the stereotype that cafeteria food is low quality. It always annoyed me how the fries were crinkly and soggy. And how the "pizza" was rectangular shaped, and instead of whole pepperoni pieces, it had "bits" which didn't taste like anything. My friend in elementary school liked the cafeteria food though. And he'd always thank the workers. The cafeteria food wasn't really much cheaper than an on-site vendor would be, anyways. In elemtary school, I think it was $1, or $1.50 if you wanted chocolate milk. Not 100% sure, but I think that was the pricing structure. Maybe it was 75 cents/$1 for chocolate milk. By middle school, it probably cost $2-$2.50 for the onsite vendors, but the food was better, even if it was fast food. And by high school, probably $4-5, but some of that of course is inflation from over the previous few years. So I don't really see the advantages of cafeteria food anyways, when it's only about $1 cheaper, and worse too. And my middle and high schools probabably didn't have much demand for it either, which is why I don't they they made or served cafeteria food either. I'll bet all of that cafeteria food was just frozen food too. That would explain why the fries and pizza were the way they were.

 

[Sackataters]

I think MHSL had dirt on the ESPN moderator. This smells of a CIA operation, or maybe KGB.

 

[MHSL82]

I think MHSL had dirt on the ESPN moderator. This smells of a CIA operation, or maybe KGB.

I thought I had dirt on them and thus a cash settlement and closing of the forums was in order; but they informed me that literal dirt would not work for leverage, they'd just have me clean it up, and they got a restraining order as punishment for the dirt I threw. Vengeful, non-complicit, people. They said, as courtesy advice, that I'd have to get some skeleton from their closet to use against them. What? Are they scared of skeletons or just too lazy to open their closets?

Update: Looking for that skeleton is so difficult to do when a) I already tried that and dem bastards don't keep their skeletons in their closet any more, and b) I don't want to violate the aforementioned restraining order. I mean, for the third time.

Edit: I've been informed that "skeletons in the closet" aren't literal skeletons nor plastic/fake skeletons. Also, they have refused to just give me the blackmail to use. What's so difficult? Just print the damn mail on black paper. Cheap.

Edit 2: Just looked up blackmail online and have come to conclusion that it is neither black nor mail and neither African American nor male, either. Thoroughly confused.

Edit 3: Funny thing is, I got mad at how difficult this was. So, I gave up. I thanked the secretary the boss was sleeping with and told the boss that I was happy to be meeting with his wife for a business meeting later that day. Out of sheer act of benevolence, he promised to shut down the forums by Jul 17th if I canceled the lunch. Done and done. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this story here. What's there to lose?

 

[nuraman00]

I thought I had dirt on them and thus a cash settlement and closing of the forums was in order; but they informed me that literal dirt would not work for leverage, they'd just have me clean it up, and they got a restraining order as punishment for the dirt I threw. Vengeful, non-complicit, people. They said, as courtesy advice, that I'd have to get some skeleton from their closet to use against them. What? Are they scared of skeletons or just too lazy to open their closets?

Update: Looking for that skeleton is so difficult to do when a) I already tried that and dem bastards don't keep their skeletons in their closet any more, and b) I don't want to violate the aforementioned restraining order. I mean, for the third time.

Edit: I've been informed that "skeletons in the closet" aren't literal skeletons nor plastic/fake skeletons. Also, they have refused to just give me the blackmail to use. What's so difficult? Just print the damn mail on black paper. Cheap.

Edit 2: Just looked up blackmail online and have come to conclusion that it is neither black nor mail and neither African American nor male, either. Thoroughly confused.

Edit 3: Funny thing is, I got mad at how difficult this was. So, I gave up. I thanked the secretary the boss was sleeping with and told the boss that I was happy to be meeting with his wife for a business meeting later that day. Out of sheer act of benevolence, he promised to shut down the forums by Jul 17th if I canceled the lunch. Done and done. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this story here. What's there to lose?

Great post until Edit 3. That one was more predictable, and not as fresh.

 

[nuraman00]

I didn't even notice that. I was just trying to split the words into perfect family, perfect life, perfect family life, living perfectly, etc. Besides, you have it right.

I JUST figured out what you meant by this.

This proves you're a more advanced robot than I am, because not only did you get the joke before I did, but you created the joke! You're probably the 91 core processor model.

 

[nuraman00]

I thought I had dirt on them and thus a cash settlement and closing of the forums was in order; but they informed me that literal dirt would not work for leverage, they'd just have me clean it up, and they got a restraining order as punishment for the dirt I threw. Vengeful, non-complicit, people. They said, as courtesy advice, that I'd have to get some skeleton from their closet to use against them. What? Are they scared of skeletons or just too lazy to open their closets?

Update: Looking for that skeleton is so difficult to do when a) I already tried that and dem bastards don't keep their skeletons in their closet any more, and b) I don't want to violate the aforementioned restraining order. I mean, for the third time.

Edit: I've been informed that "skeletons in the closet" aren't literal skeletons nor plastic/fake skeletons. Also, they have refused to just give me the blackmail to use. What's so difficult? Just print the damn mail on black paper. Cheap.

Edit 2: Just looked up blackmail online and have come to conclusion that it is neither black nor mail and neither African American nor male, either. Thoroughly confused.

Edit 3: Funny thing is, I got mad at how difficult this was. So, I gave up. I thanked the secretary the boss was sleeping with and told the boss that I was happy to be meeting with his wife for a business meeting later that day. Out of sheer act of benevolence, he promised to shut down the forums by Jul 17th if I canceled the lunch. Done and done. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this story here. What's there to lose?

I think what you could have done to make Edit 3 less predictable (with the male boss sleeping with the female secretary) was to change your story so that you either:

* You joined in on the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, as the 3rd member.

* You joined in on the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, with a video camera.

* The boss was sleeping with the secretary's . . . . dog.

* You streamed the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, to the boss' wife.

* The secretary was left in an unsatisfied state after her tryst.

* The boss was left in an unsatisfied state after his tryst with the secretary, and things between he and the secretary became awkward at work.

* You made an audio recording of their bedroom noises, and used it as a sample in your forthcoming comedy album.

* You scanned and emailed the boss' corporate credit card statement to his wife, which contained a charge for a breast augmentation. Only it wasn't the wife that was the recipient of the augmentation.

* You interrupted the boss and secretary's intimate sessions, with a notepad, and took some notes on their technique.

* The boss asks you for technique advice.

* The secretary asks you to find out from the boss what he likes to do, in the bedroom. You comply as the liaison.

* The boss asks you to give a gift to the secretary, on behalf of him. He wants to make it look like it came from you, as a coverup.

* You joined in on the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, as the 3rd member. The secretary then starts to involve you during 80% of the actions, making your boss jealous and uncomfortable of you.

* The secretary was twice the age as the boss.

* The secretary was related to the wife.

 

[MHSL82]

Great post until Edit 3. That one was more predictable, and not as fresh.

I think what you could have done to make Edit 3 less predictable (with the male boss sleeping with the female secretary) was to change your story so that you either:

I was in a hurry to leave and was aiming to find something to say I blackmailed him with but did so unintentionally. I was pretending to be oblivious of the fact that him sleeping with his secretary was a blackmailable offense but having him cave into my demands when I wasn't making any demands. I thought it would be ironic that I won when I wasn't trying to blackmail him when my previous attempts failed because I was trying too hard and being too obvious. He would know that I was so dumb that I would blurt out something about his lover, not knowing that she'd be bothered by it. Here I had some gold to blackmail him but was too dumb to realize it.

 

[MHSL82]

I don't see how the following would be blackmail for the boss as much as revealing to the wife that he's cheating. I could threaten to tell the fellow employees about these, but that would likely be too little to force that person to have to shut down ESPN instead.

* You joined in on the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, as the 3rd member.

* You joined in on the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, with a video camera.

* The secretary was left in an unsatisfied state after her tryst.

* The boss was left in an unsatisfied state after his tryst with the secretary, and things between he and the secretary became awkward at work.

* You made an audio recording of their bedroom noises, and used it as a sample in your forthcoming comedy album.

* You interrupted the boss and secretary's intimate sessions, with a notepad, and took some notes on their technique.

* The boss asks you for technique advice.

* The secretary asks you to find out from the boss what he likes to do, in the bedroom. You comply as the liaison.

* The boss asks you to give a gift to the secretary, on behalf of him. He wants to make it look like it came from you, as a coverup.

* You joined in on the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, as the 3rd member. The secretary then starts to involve you during 80% of the actions, making your boss jealous and uncomfortable of you.

* The secretary was twice the age as the boss.

These next ones are more useful than the above, in terms of blackmailing. Also, if I already did it, how could I use it as blackmail. Blackmail only works if you withhold information that could hurt the other unless the other meets your demands. Believe me, I can tell what's a good and what's a bad thing to use.

I didn't think of the boss sleeping with a dog, but if I had, wouldn't have included it because I thought it was tasteless. The joke, not the dog. I don't know and don't want to know what a dog tastes like. And just to be clear, I don't work for ESPN, as I wouldn't force ESPN to shut down if I would lose my job doing so.

* The boss was sleeping with the secretary's . . . . dog.
* You streamed the boss and secretary's private intimate sessions, to the boss' wife.
* You scanned and emailed the boss' corporate credit card statement to his wife, which contained a charge for a breast augmentation. Only it wasn't the wife that was the recipient of the augmentation.

This one does not independently blackmail the boss, but if true in addition to him sleeping with the secretary, then it's bigger:

* The secretary was related to the wife.

 

[nuraman00]

I was in a hurry to leave and was aiming to find something to say I blackmailed him with but did so unintentionally. I was pretending to be oblivious of the fact that him sleeping with his secretary was a blackmailable offense but having him cave into my demands when I wasn't making any demands. I thought it would be ironic that I won when I wasn't trying to blackmail him when my previous attempts failed because I was trying too hard and being too obvious. He would know that I was so dumb that I would blurt out something about his lover, not knowing that she'd be bothered by it. Here I had some gold to blackmail him but was too dumb to realize it.

I don't see how the following would be blackmail for the boss as much as revealing to the wife that he's cheating. I could threaten to tell the fellow employees about these, but that would likely be too little to force that person to have to shut down ESPN instead.



These next ones are more useful than the above, in terms of blackmailing. Also, if I already did it, how could I use it as blackmail. Blackmail only works if you withhold information that could hurt the other unless the other meets your demands. Believe me, I can tell what's a good and what's a bad thing to use.

I didn't think of the boss sleeping with a dog, but if I had, wouldn't have included it because I thought it was tasteless. The joke, not the dog. I don't know and don't want to know what a dog tastes like. And just to be clear, I don't work for ESPN, as I wouldn't force ESPN to shut down if I would lose my job doing so.





This one does not independently blackmail the boss, but if true in addition to him sleeping with the secretary, then it's bigger:

Yeah, in your OP, you were oblivious to the fact of when you actually did have something good to blackmail the boss with.

Whereas in my scenarios, you had more active knowledge, and were taking charge in your role in most of them. You could actively reveal the information in whatever manner you chose.

I just thought one of the twists in my scenarios would have kept the joke more unpredictable, whereas while you got what you intended for in Edit 3, it was predictable based on your setup from earlier in the posts. Plus I thought it added a funny awkward dynamic at work with your boss, and sometimes the secretary.

Probably the best one, which also left the reader with the most suspense as to what would happen next, was the one where the secretary was related to the wife. There are many options you would have as to how to proceed next, and whom, if anyone, to talk to next.

 

[MHSL82]

Yeah, in your OP, you were oblivious to the fact of when you actually did have something good to blackmail the boss with.

Whereas in my scenarios, you had more active knowledge, and were taking charge in your role in most of them. You could actively reveal the information in whatever manner you chose.

I just thought one of the twists in my scenarios would have kept the joke more unpredictable, whereas while you got what you intended for in Edit 3, it was predictable based on your setup from earlier in the posts. Plus I thought it added a funny awkward dynamic at work with your boss, and sometimes the secretary.

Probably the best one, which also left the reader with the most suspense as to what would happen next, was the one where the secretary was related to the wife. There are many options you would have as to how to proceed next, and whom, if anyone, to talk to next.

My way was better, yours was worse. End of story. Just kidding. I wasn't going for unpredictability. I was going for irony. If I wanted to be unpredictable, I would have shot him, dressed up as him because I looked similar, changed over the forums, and then wore a catsuit for the rest of my life except for Tuesdays where I dress up like a carrot and a drumstick at the same time. Yes, while serenading the taped secretary while playing the Spanish guitar like an onion, uncontrollably sobbing.

 

[MHSL82]

Here's a game for unpredictability: I'll start the sentence and you guess the ending and I'll tell you if you are wrong.

I only drink coffee when...

 

[nuraman00]

Here's a game for unpredictability: I'll start the sentence and you guess the ending and I'll tell you if you are wrong.

I only drink coffee when...

* I want to lose weight

* In lieu of cigarettes

* I am up early in the morning to feed the baby, and I need to keep awake.

* I play the Spanish guitar like an onion

 

[nuraman00]

My way was better, yours was worse. End of story. Just kidding. I wasn't going for unpredictability. I was going for irony. If I wanted to be unpredictable, I would have shot him, dressed up as him because I looked similar, changed over the forums, and then wore a catsuit for the rest of my life except for Tuesdays where I dress up like a carrot and a drumstick at the same time. Yes, while serenading the taped secretary while playing the Spanish guitar like an onion, uncontrollably sobbing.

No no no.

You and the secretary could never be together. Only the boss and the secretary.

Unpredictability still has to make sense, and we all know you and the secretary wouldn't work.

Now, maybe if you dressed up in a dogsuit, it could work. Maybe.

 

[MHSL82]

No no no.

You and the secretary could never be together. Only the boss and the secretary.

Unpredictability still has to make sense, and we all know you and the secretary wouldn't work.

Now, maybe if you dressed up in a dogsuit, it could work. Maybe.

Nah, I wouldn't disgrace dogs like that. I love my golden retriever and no, not in that way.

 

[MHSL82]

* I want to lose weight

* In lieu of cigarettes

* I am up early in the morning to feed the baby, and I need to keep awake.

* I play the Spanish guitar like an onion

Nope. None of those. Keep guessing, I'll tell you if you predicted it. I promise.

 

[nuraman00]

Nah, I wouldn't disgrace dogs like that. I love my golden retriever and no, not in that way.

That's why you should honor your dog by dressing up as a golden retriever! Imagine how cool you two would look, looking similar.

People would say, "I don't know which one's the human, and which one's the dog!" Imagine the pranks you could play on people.

 

[nuraman00]

Nope. None of those. Keep guessing, I'll tell you if you predicted it. I promise.

I give up.

 

[nuraman00]

Here's MHSL82.

(Man, I wish we had spoiler tags).

http://www.ejbloo.com/ejblog/post_images/2011/03/dog_in_a_suit.jpeg

 

[MHSL82]

Here's a game for unpredictability: I'll start the sentence and you guess the ending and I'll tell you if you are wrong.

I only drink coffee when...

* I want to lose weight

* In lieu of cigarettes

* I am up early in the morning to feed the baby, and I need to keep awake.

* I play the Spanish guitar like an onion

Nah, I wouldn't disgrace dogs like that. I love my golden retriever and no, not in that way.

Nope. None of those. Keep guessing, I'll tell you if you predicted it. I promise.

I give up.

That's it! Or so close, anyways. I only drink coffee when I give up starfruit pizzas.

 

[nuraman00]

That's it! Or so close, anyways. I only drink coffee when I give up starfruit pizzas.

What's a starfruit pizza?

You never did answer what a "cream cheese waffler" or marshmellow chicken butterfly" was.

Is this like the time you made a rowboat have a steering wheel?

What's worse is that I saw "2-1" from the first year and "1-0" from the second year, not "2-1" and "1-1" respectively, as I would have if I had the columns consistent. Had your list just said "1-1 .500" and "0-1 .000," it would have been clear, no mistakes, no misreads, and most importantly, no marshmallow chicken butterflies.

Either way, I wouldn't have paid attention to the winning percentages for each year, because that'd be cheating. And only cream cheese wafflers cheat, and I ain't no cream cheese waffler. And I'm no robot, either! It takes one to know one and one (you) should know when one isn't!