So Am I The A$$hole?

[YankeeRebel]

Meant to post this earlier. I cook, a lot! Grill, Smoker, or in the kitchen I cook and not to boast but it's really good. My wifes family always have special requests from me for functions that we put on at the house. The wife stated people don't want to cook for me because they feel I will judge them or that I won't be happy. Her Sister along with her sister mother ( yeah from another dad) and a step sister all went in on a nice house north of Atlanta. We traditionally as a house warming gift send a Weber Master Touch 22: Grill. The wife requested I send one to her sister. I ordered it and it arrived. Now they plan to have a house warming party at the new joint. My wife told me they want me to do the cooking, I responded that isn't fair they are having the party, they are inviting us, why the hell should I have to cook. The response was the usual response, everyone loves your food and we would appreciate it. Again I said I think its unfair to invite me to their house and the cook their food. Then I got a fine "I'll tell them you don't want to go". I said not tell them " I will not cook for their party". Now it's an issue. In the end fuck it I won't go then they'll have to cook anyway.

 

[BigKen]

They want you to cook so they don't have to do the dirty work. I got caught in the same trap. I make an incredible pasta sauce. I have to start it on the afternoon before the day it's served around noon or after. I learned the secret from an Italian woman when I was 11 years old and she made me make it for her before she approved. If there was a large group or a huge party, it was "How about making us a sauce?" Then I realized that not only was I making the sauce, I was paying for the sauce, meatball, sausage, veal etc. Then I became the asshole in the 1990s when I said, "Sure, I'll make the sauce. I need $100 to put it together." Then I was the asshole.

My favorite saying? "Fuck 'em. Let 'em eat beans."

Reb, you have a talent. People will enjoy your talent as long as they can party and you do all of the work to make the party happen.

Then again, it's misery when the wife is expecting you to make her look good to the family and you embarrass her.

 

[BrockForBroglio]

Cook for them and add your special seasoning......laxative. That will leaving them gushing over you cooking skills.

 

[R.J. MacReady]

Regardless of who is who ....asking somebody to cook for a party is a MONSTER ASK. You are asking a lot and any person should know that.

That said, if you do end up asking someone to do that ...you ask them DIRECTLY. Going through the spose or anyone else proves that person does not understand the gravity of that request.


.

 

[nefansince75]

Meant to post this earlier. I cook, a lot! Grill, Smoker, or in the kitchen I cook and not to boast but it's really good. My wifes family always have special requests from me for functions that we put on at the house. The wife stated people don't want to cook for me because they feel I will judge them or that I won't be happy. Her Sister along with her sister mother ( yeah from another dad) and a step sister all went in on a nice house north of Atlanta. We traditionally as a house warming gift send a Weber Master Touch 22: Grill. The wife requested I send one to her sister. I ordered it and it arrived. Now they plan to have a house warming party at the new joint. My wife told me they want me to do the cooking, I responded that isn't fair they are having the party, they are inviting us, why the hell should I have to cook. The response was the usual response, everyone loves your food and we would appreciate it. Again I said I think its unfair to invite me to their house and the cook their food. Then I got a fine "I'll tell them you don't want to go". I said not tell them " I will not cook for their party". Now it's an issue. In the end fuck it I won't go then they'll have to cook anyway.

First off, part of this is cultural. To them it's "all hands on deck". To you it's "I won't burden others with my stuff". They may not realize you never need any "hands on deck" for a reason. My only advice, don't assume they realize just because they should.

 

[Podunkparte]

Sounds like its time to let your "friends" know that if you're not voluntarily cooking you will be charging a fair catering fee. They're taking advantage of you and making you feel guilty for calling it out.

 

[Edonidd]

So it's a house of three women? And you bought them a grill? Honestly I can see why they asked you to run the grill for them, I very rarely meet women who like to grill. And I'll often volunteer to man the grill at family events. That way I can sit out by the grill with a beer away from all the women folk in my families gossiping. I have an excuse to be anto social and instead of getting yelled at for it later I get thanked. It's a win-win.

Just tell them you're busy but if they run out and get the stuff (grill stuff for their new grill) you'll cook it. Even give them a menu or shopping list if you want. Make it clear you're not buying ground beef for their party, and maybe you're not even willing to form it up into patties or anything. But if they do all that, you'll cook the shit out of some burgers for them. Or steaks or brats or dogs or chicken or whatever you/they want.

Just my opinion but if you make it clear you're JUST cooking and they're doing all the prep and buying and cleaning or whatever else. The actual fire to the meat part of cooking is pretty painless.

 

[NWPATSFAN]

Don't give them a grill. Chances are they won't use it anyway.

Instead your house warming gift can be your cooking.

 

[Carnzo]

Don't give them a grill. Chances are they won't use it anyway.

Instead your house warming gift can be your cooking.

What he said.
Myself I'm a terrible cook so it's not an issue, good luck.

 

[cheerupcharlie]

It wouldn't bother me to do the cooking. But you bet your ass they will be buying EVERYTHING on my grocery list.

 

[Debbie Does]

The ex-wife always wanted to go on vacation but still expected me to do all the cooking. Whether it was a ski condo, a rented apartment in Italy or a tent in Nova Scotia, I was always expected to shop, cook and clean up. Did I mention she's the ex-wife?

 

[YankeeRebel]

So it's a house of three women? And you bought them a grill? Honestly I can see why they asked you to run the grill for them, I very rarely meet women who like to grill. And I'll often volunteer to man the grill at family events. That way I can sit out by the grill with a beer away from all the women folk in my families gossiping. I have an excuse to be anto social and instead of getting yelled at for it later I get thanked. It's a win-win.

Just tell them you're busy but if they run out and get the stuff (grill stuff for their new grill) you'll cook it. Even give them a menu or shopping list if you want. Make it clear you're not buying ground beef for their party, and maybe you're not even willing to form it up into patties or anything. But if they do all that, you'll cook the shit out of some burgers for them. Or steaks or brats or dogs or chicken or whatever you/they want.

Just my opinion but if you make it clear you're JUST cooking and they're doing all the prep and buying and cleaning or whatever else. The actual fire to the meat part of cooking is pretty painless.

Yeah it's what they wanted, and I do think her sister grills

 

[Yankee Traveler]

So it's a house of three women? And you bought them a grill? Honestly I can see why they asked you to run the grill for them, I very rarely meet women who like to grill. And I'll often volunteer to man the grill at family events. That way I can sit out by the grill with a beer away from all the women folk in my families gossiping. I have an excuse to be anto social and instead of getting yelled at for it later I get thanked. It's a win-win.

Just tell them you're busy but if they run out and get the stuff (grill stuff for their new grill) you'll cook it. Even give them a menu or shopping list if you want. Make it clear you're not buying ground beef for their party, and maybe you're not even willing to form it up into patties or anything. But if they do all that, you'll cook the shit out of some burgers for them. Or steaks or brats or dogs or chicken or whatever you/they want.

Just my opinion but if you make it clear you're JUST cooking and they're doing all the prep and buying and cleaning or whatever else. The actual fire to the meat part of cooking is pretty painless.

Wagyu Brisket!

And Ribs.

 

[Cyder]

Meant to post this earlier. I cook, a lot! Grill, Smoker, or in the kitchen I cook and not to boast but it's really good. My wifes family always have special requests from me for functions that we put on at the house. The wife stated people don't want to cook for me because they feel I will judge them or that I won't be happy. Her Sister along with her sister mother ( yeah from another dad) and a step sister all went in on a nice house north of Atlanta. We traditionally as a house warming gift send a Weber Master Touch 22: Grill. The wife requested I send one to her sister. I ordered it and it arrived. Now they plan to have a house warming party at the new joint. My wife told me they want me to do the cooking, I responded that isn't fair they are having the party, they are inviting us, why the hell should I have to cook. The response was the usual response, everyone loves your food and we would appreciate it. Again I said I think its unfair to invite me to their house and the cook their food. Then I got a fine "I'll tell them you don't want to go". I said not tell them " I will not cook for their party". Now it's an issue. In the end fuck it I won't go then they'll have to cook anyway.

You are not the asshole. Cooking for an entire party is a big ask. Maybe compromise and tell them you will bring 1 thing you will cook on the grill. I'm known for my sausage and peppers so when I'm invited I bring a tray. My buddy Pat makes a killer mac salad so he brings that.

By the way, Webers are damn fine products, nice job on the gift.

 

[YankeeRebel]

Wagyu Brisket!

And Ribs.

They did ask for Brisket and Turkey or Chicken and some Grill Trout. They don't eat pork, hope they eat McDonalds cause I am not going

 

[Yankee Traveler]

Meant to post this earlier. I cook, a lot! Grill, Smoker, or in the kitchen I cook and not to boast but it's really good. My wifes family always have special requests from me for functions that we put on at the house. The wife stated people don't want to cook for me because they feel I will judge them or that I won't be happy. Her Sister along with her sister mother ( yeah from another dad) and a step sister all went in on a nice house north of Atlanta. We traditionally as a house warming gift send a Weber Master Touch 22: Grill. The wife requested I send one to her sister. I ordered it and it arrived. Now they plan to have a house warming party at the new joint. My wife told me they want me to do the cooking, I responded that isn't fair they are having the party, they are inviting us, why the hell should I have to cook. The response was the usual response, everyone loves your food and we would appreciate it. Again I said I think its unfair to invite me to their house and the cook their food. Then I got a fine "I'll tell them you don't want to go". I said not tell them " I will not cook for their party". Now it's an issue. In the end fuck it I won't go then they'll have to cook anyway.

First, no, you are not the asshole.
But I agree with Edonidd.
Compromise.
Put together a grocery/gear list.
Thermometers, tongs, Charcoal/wood, etc.
Seasonings, meat, pans etc.
Brand specific. Good stuff. Find a local retailer of the finest meats and call and reserve whatever cuts your looking for (Again, Wagyu Brisket or the like).
Then tell them they are going to help you with the prep, and they keep the seasonings/gear/tools and you're not doing clean up.

As an added bonus, a bottle of Double Oaked and everyone cooks naked.

 

[YankeeRebel]

You are not the asshole. Cooking for an entire party is a big ask. Maybe compromise and tell them you will bring 1 thing you will cook on the grill. I'm known for my sausage and peppers so when I'm invited I bring a tray. My buddy Pat makes a killer mac salad so he brings that.

By the way, Webers are damn fine products, nice job on the gift.

Thanks.

I have 4 Master Touch 22 an 18 Silver and an 18: WSM. Love Weber. Got a stick burner too but they are asking a lot for one Grill. I cold do the Brisket on the 22 just have to be up at midnight.

 

[Edonidd]

They did ask for Brisket and Turkey or Chicken and some Grill Trout. They don't eat pork, hope they eat McDonalds cause I am not going

That's different. Some steaks or burgers or whatever are one thing. Brisket is a whole different level. That's no longer just slap it on the fire, now they're asking you to put in a full day's work. I don't blame you for saying no to that.

 

[YankeeRebel]

That's different. Some steaks or burgers or whatever are one thing. Brisket is a whole different level. That's no longer just slap it on the fire, now they're asking you to put in a full day's work. I don't blame you for saying no to that.

Exactly. I can smoke the Brisket for four hours and finish in the oven. The quote Harry Soo BTUs are BTUs, at four hours it's taken in all the smoke it will take, I can set the oven for 250 and finish in there. Then Spatchcock the Bird to reduce cooking time the grill the fish and can be done but then at the end I am exhausted. The wife and her fam will get over it

 

[Southieinnc]

Meant to post this earlier. I cook, a lot! Grill, Smoker, or in the kitchen I cook and not to boast but it's really good. My wifes family always have special requests from me for functions that we put on at the house. The wife stated people don't want to cook for me because they feel I will judge them or that I won't be happy. Her Sister along with her sister mother ( yeah from another dad) and a step sister all went in on a nice house north of Atlanta. We traditionally as a house warming gift send a Weber Master Touch 22: Grill. The wife requested I send one to her sister. I ordered it and it arrived. Now they plan to have a house warming party at the new joint. My wife told me they want me to do the cooking, I responded that isn't fair they are having the party, they are inviting us, why the hell should I have to cook. The response was the usual response, everyone loves your food and we would appreciate it. Again I said I think its unfair to invite me to their house and the cook their food. Then I got a fine "I'll tell them you don't want to go". I said not tell them " I will not cook for their party". Now it's an issue. In the end fuck it I won't go then they'll have to cook anyway.

Asshole!

As for bragging about cooking, you have already done that in prior thread. Not to worry.
I have found that false modesty is a very poor choice.

Volunteering somebody else's service is for the military. I did not allow it at work nor do I allow it at home.
I have very close friends that have asked me to cook for a group - even when I'm not invited! I consider it an honor, in those cases. I was once was asked to cook for my wife's company party - 300 people. I did it because I enjoyed it.
I will never forget this old couple complaining about how long it was taking. I accidently knocked a chicken breast off the cue I told him "yours is ready"

It is an honor - but only if you want to do it. Bow out if you want. Yes, you can tell them to have the meat ready and everybody pitch in prep on the sides. pick something easy like filet steaks - expensive and quick.
Bad advice from someone is charging them for the work. That's for money making ventures and I have done plenty of that. Family or friends is yes, no or I'm inviting you to my barbecue. You could also offer to cook the hotdogs if they will do Thanksgiving dinner!

A polite way to bow out would be to say that is too much work on a long trip and I just want to relax with family/friends.
It will go over better than "fuck you, I'm not going" That's unless you want to be an asshole - and we all want to be an asshole sometimes. We're American and have the God given right to be an asshole!

Please remember whatever advice you decide to use is worth exactly what you paid for it!