OT: Joke thread

[flyersfan4706]

It worked in that other place...

Q: What do you call a Texan cusion?
A: An armapillow!

 

[Automattic]

Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?

A: Your grip...

 

[buffhockey]

Roses & Hanging Baskets

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.

 

[flyersfan4706]

What is the difference between a bag of dead people and a tire swing?



I dont have a tire swing hanging in my backyard.

 

[TOX1]

Scott Hartnell

 

[flyersfan4706]

Scott Hartnell

+1

 

[postmaster]

How did the Polish golfer break his back?
He fell off the ball washer.

 

[Automattic]

Scott Hartnell

that joke is not off topic...

 

[TOX1]

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.

 

[DerringerEagle]

Q: What do you call an unbiased Penguins fan?
A: A figment of your imagination

 

[postmaster]

DE, seriously, you need to calm yourself.

 

[DerringerEagle]

DE, seriously, you need to calm yourself.

Not my joke, heard it at a bar 2 nights ago. Insert any other team if you like.

 

[TOX1]

Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

 

[NJDevils_30]

Q: What's the difference between Tiger Woods' Escalade and his golf ball?


A: He can drive his golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree



Another one: So a black guy is walking down the street and decides to visit a bar he sees. As he walks into the bar the bartender looks up and notices a big gorgeous parrot on the black guy's shoulder.

Bartender says: "Wow, that's absolutely gorgeous. Where did you get that?"

Parrot says: "Africa."

 

[Slimpikins]

When Tiger's caddy asked him why he had a shit eating grin after the first hole at the masters he responded

"That's the first time I have been able to play a hole in six months without having to apologize afterward."

 

[IPostedWhat]

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After 10 years, your job still sucks.

 

[Slimpikins]

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After 10 years, your job still sucks.

And that is why you get a job that with a secretary.

 

[Forty_Sixand2]

Q: What's the difference between Tiger Woods' Escalade and his golf ball?


A: He can drive his golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree


Another one: So a black guy is walking down the street and decides to visit a bar he sees. As he walks into the bar the bartender looks up and notices a big gorgeous parrot on the black guy's shoulder.

Bartender says: "Wow, that's absolutely gorgeous. Where did you get that?"

Parrot says: "Africa."

Actually......

 

[Forty_Sixand2]

What do you call a gay male dinosaur?

Megasoreass?

What do you call a gay female dinosaur?

Lickalotapuss


...i know, i know....high scool jokes...awesome...

 

[TOX1]

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and said, "I'm sorry as hell bro, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his fucking crackers in your neck."