- Thread starter
- #1
Omar 382
Well-Known Member
My dentist officially scheduled my gum graft for this October. I have about half a millimeter left of gum; you're supposed to have around 4 or 5 millimeters your whole life. The doctor said that if I don't quit using dip, he gives me three years maximum before I develop mouth cancer. My left gum is already yellow. I also have a huge bump on my throat, right around where I put my lip in. I'm not sure what it is, but I've had it for like 6 months. I will not receive treatment or surgery for cancer, were I to develop it. If you think I'm going to walk around with my face half removed, then you're crazy.
I'm not quitting dip. I can't, and I tried. I was told back in April by a girl I asked to get dinner with that she would go if I would quit. I was successful for a little bit, but only because I smoked a pack a day, which is even worse for your oral health. She never did get dinner with me, and I just went back to dipping. If I can't quit for a girl I really liked, I certainly won't quit for life.
I have tried nicotine gum. It's ok, but I always end up using it in conjunction with dip. It's not just the nicotine, it's the fact that I have to feel that there is something in between my teeth and my gum. It's an oral fixation as much as it is a nicotine addiction.
Maybe the doctor is wrong, or I miraculously quit. So what? Though I've lost 14 pounds in 4 months, I'm still 6'1 and 254. I'm 20- I will develop heart disease by the time I'm 50. But's let say I escape that, I could live to 80. Again, so what? The Earth has been around something like 4.6 billion years. What is 80 years to 4.6 billion years? Nothing. What is 4.6 billion years to eternity? Nothing.
Maybe this thread sounds melodramatic; I haven't been diagnosed with mouth cancer yet. But I do believe I will develop it, and even if I don't; aren't we all slowly dying? We act like 80 years is some amazing and lengthy period of time, but really, it's fucking nothing. We're all going to die one day. It's time we stopped pretending. I have, and am somewhat relieved. Life fucking blows. Life is a joke. So, I will make these affirmations:
I accept my impending mortality; whether now or in 60 years.
I accept that I do not know the exact date or time of my death.
I accept that life is inherently meaningless.
I accept that my existence has largely been meaningless.
I accept that I am not a good person.
I accept that I do not know whether God exists.
I accept that I do not know whether I will go to heaven or hell, were such concepts to exist.
I accept that I do not know if I will see anyone I have known in this life ever again after I die.
I accept. I don't agree with or understand the reasoning. But I accept.
I'm not quitting dip. I can't, and I tried. I was told back in April by a girl I asked to get dinner with that she would go if I would quit. I was successful for a little bit, but only because I smoked a pack a day, which is even worse for your oral health. She never did get dinner with me, and I just went back to dipping. If I can't quit for a girl I really liked, I certainly won't quit for life.
I have tried nicotine gum. It's ok, but I always end up using it in conjunction with dip. It's not just the nicotine, it's the fact that I have to feel that there is something in between my teeth and my gum. It's an oral fixation as much as it is a nicotine addiction.
Maybe the doctor is wrong, or I miraculously quit. So what? Though I've lost 14 pounds in 4 months, I'm still 6'1 and 254. I'm 20- I will develop heart disease by the time I'm 50. But's let say I escape that, I could live to 80. Again, so what? The Earth has been around something like 4.6 billion years. What is 80 years to 4.6 billion years? Nothing. What is 4.6 billion years to eternity? Nothing.
Maybe this thread sounds melodramatic; I haven't been diagnosed with mouth cancer yet. But I do believe I will develop it, and even if I don't; aren't we all slowly dying? We act like 80 years is some amazing and lengthy period of time, but really, it's fucking nothing. We're all going to die one day. It's time we stopped pretending. I have, and am somewhat relieved. Life fucking blows. Life is a joke. So, I will make these affirmations:
I accept my impending mortality; whether now or in 60 years.
I accept that I do not know the exact date or time of my death.
I accept that life is inherently meaningless.
I accept that my existence has largely been meaningless.
I accept that I am not a good person.
I accept that I do not know whether God exists.
I accept that I do not know whether I will go to heaven or hell, were such concepts to exist.
I accept that I do not know if I will see anyone I have known in this life ever again after I die.
I accept. I don't agree with or understand the reasoning. But I accept.