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Phone rings. "Hello, this is the Adams family. Fix the Titans. Here's a blank check and five years to win a playoff game. Bud is haunting us from the grave and it must end. We can't take it anymore."
What do you do?
I hang up the phone, sit for about 30 second pondering the future and immediately put Ruston Webster and Ken Whisenhunt on a conference call.
"Gentlemen, thank you but I must ask you to pack your shit and get the fuck out. You have 10 minutes then my security people will escort you from the premises."
Second call is to Eddie George asking him to be my special assistant with carte blanche support to make all football decisions. Only caveat is that Eddie is barred from all known association with The Ohio State University while under contract so as not to further sully the spotless reputation of the Titans.
Third call is to Nashville media announcing a noon press conference in the bowels of Nissan Stadium. I take the podium to a warm ovation with Eddie to my right, Blaine "Hitman" Bishop to my left, flanked on either side by every single beloved Titans player who has been mistreated, vilified, spit upon and exiled from Titans nation.
"To the fans of the Tennessee Titans, a new era begins today. Those who held our beloved team hostage have been relieved of duties and will no longer be allowed to selfishly prey upon this organization. You see upon this podium many of those who made this team what it was and will one day be again.
Just before taking the stage today I spoke with Marcus Mariota. I crossed out the absurd clauses which caused the silly disagreement and we signed the deal over a handshake. Marcus has been informed that Zach Mettenberger is the starting quarterback Week 1. There is no QB controversy here and my people are at this moment on the phone with every GM in the NFL informing them that we are interested in trading Marcus Mariota for draft picks and starters.
I will start the process of hiring a new General Manager and head coach immediately. They will be tasked with putting a team together that will focus on re-establishing the run game and a dominant pass rush. I am not prepared to confirm or deny at this time that JJ Watt is begging to be traded to the Titans.
The last major issue I'd like to address is the stadium bullshit. I want to personally apologize to every single fan who's been angered and frustrated by the incredibly poor treatment they've received. I am today appointing a special task force that will address basic issues at the stadium with my personal guarantee that they will be completely resolved before our first home game. And yes, my dear Titans fans, beer prices will be significantly lowered henceforth.
I have five years to turn this organization around from top-to-bottom and win a playoff game. I ask you to embrace this process and support it. Heads have rolled this morning and they will continue to roll over the coming days. If you were part of the culture of arrogance and losing, you should consider yourself unemployed. Pack your shit and get out.
Thank you."
What do you do?
I hang up the phone, sit for about 30 second pondering the future and immediately put Ruston Webster and Ken Whisenhunt on a conference call.
"Gentlemen, thank you but I must ask you to pack your shit and get the fuck out. You have 10 minutes then my security people will escort you from the premises."
Second call is to Eddie George asking him to be my special assistant with carte blanche support to make all football decisions. Only caveat is that Eddie is barred from all known association with The Ohio State University while under contract so as not to further sully the spotless reputation of the Titans.
Third call is to Nashville media announcing a noon press conference in the bowels of Nissan Stadium. I take the podium to a warm ovation with Eddie to my right, Blaine "Hitman" Bishop to my left, flanked on either side by every single beloved Titans player who has been mistreated, vilified, spit upon and exiled from Titans nation.
"To the fans of the Tennessee Titans, a new era begins today. Those who held our beloved team hostage have been relieved of duties and will no longer be allowed to selfishly prey upon this organization. You see upon this podium many of those who made this team what it was and will one day be again.
Just before taking the stage today I spoke with Marcus Mariota. I crossed out the absurd clauses which caused the silly disagreement and we signed the deal over a handshake. Marcus has been informed that Zach Mettenberger is the starting quarterback Week 1. There is no QB controversy here and my people are at this moment on the phone with every GM in the NFL informing them that we are interested in trading Marcus Mariota for draft picks and starters.
I will start the process of hiring a new General Manager and head coach immediately. They will be tasked with putting a team together that will focus on re-establishing the run game and a dominant pass rush. I am not prepared to confirm or deny at this time that JJ Watt is begging to be traded to the Titans.
The last major issue I'd like to address is the stadium bullshit. I want to personally apologize to every single fan who's been angered and frustrated by the incredibly poor treatment they've received. I am today appointing a special task force that will address basic issues at the stadium with my personal guarantee that they will be completely resolved before our first home game. And yes, my dear Titans fans, beer prices will be significantly lowered henceforth.
I have five years to turn this organization around from top-to-bottom and win a playoff game. I ask you to embrace this process and support it. Heads have rolled this morning and they will continue to roll over the coming days. If you were part of the culture of arrogance and losing, you should consider yourself unemployed. Pack your shit and get out.
Thank you."
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