Worst Mascot story ever......Auburn Tiger

[sooner78wakeboard]

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Listen folks, here’s the deal. I was the team mascot in college. Not the quarterback or the 3rd baseman, the Mascot. This, I’m afraid, is a true story. Let me paint the picture for you. I rolled into college at a blazing 5’9 ¾ and weighing an astounding 125lbs. Let me paint a better picture for you, that’s a skinny b*tch. Even the golf team laughed at me. I hate golf.

Now, a man of this build doesn’t have a tremendous amount of options when it comes to competitive sports. Or recreational sports. Or online sports. However, there was one activity I found that might fit my skills. The Mascot.

Here is a list of the skills required to become and perform as the team mascot:

Ability to work a zipper
Ability to sweat 90lbs of fluid every 8 minutes
That’s it. Seemed reasonable. I joined.

Now, the reason I’m telling you this useless information is to preface a story that has been a favorite of my friends. It is the story of a small town parade, a 125lb man in a tiger costume, and the EMS, Police and Fire Rescue. In no particular order.

You see, I had been invited to perform in a small town parade somewhere in Alabama (and by invited, the school made me go). This was not very uncommon as the mascot was often times requested for appearances ALL OVER THE HORRIBLE STATE OF ALABAMA. For free. In the summer. Which was hot as ball$.

I drove down to the small town in my red Acura Integra hatchback and found a parking spot, which would conveniently double as my changing room.

I can’t remember how, but I did get the mascot suit on by myself and headed toward the parade. Just a man in a tiger costume walking down the street. Carpe Diem.

The parade started and I bounced around the different floats along the route annoying entertaining the crowd. At one point, I decided to hop on the back of a fire truck to be funny (and by funny I mean because I was tired, hot and bored out of my dumb brains).

The truck rolled along the parade route and I decided to climb up the back and onto the top where all the hoses are stacked. Why? Because it beats walking around in a faux-fur tiger costume unable to consume oxygen because the head is constructed with only two air holes each the size of an ant fetus. That’s why.

As I sat atop the fire truck waving to the people along the parade route, we came to a turn in the route. You see, the parade veered left, but the fire truck keep going straight.

A bit of a conundrum for tiger-man.

I watched the parade get smaller and smaller the further we got away. I also noticed the fire truck turned on all the lights and sirens.

Joy.

I then realized the fire truck was going EIGHTY MILES AN HOUR DOWN THE DAMN HIGHWAY.

Let’s pause for a moment here. At this point, I’m a 20-year-old young adult, in a very noticeable and encumbering tiger costume, sweating nuts, on the top of a fire truck. Going 80 mph. TO A FIRE.

The driver had no idea I was on top. Interesting.

I will be honest. I didn’t have a ton of options at this point. I crawled to the side of the truck and carefully leaned over where I could see the driver’s side mirror. In the mirror, I could see the drivers face. Approximately 1 minute later, his dumb ass saw my face. Which was a tiger head. Staring at him, emotionless, on top of his fire truck. Doing 80 down the highway — going to a fire.

There are a few things in my life that are scarred into my memory. One is watching my dad go to jail five different times. Another is the look on that man’s face when he noticed a tiger on the top of his truck. Awkward.

Needless to say, ol’ boy pulled over on the side of the highway shouting profanities (towards what I assumed was me) to “GET OFF HIS (expletive) TRUCK”. I did. He then asked, “WHAT THE (expletive) ARE YOU DOING” where I simply told him…

(Note to the reader: As the Team Mascot, there was a code in which you never talk with the head on. This was thought to help improve your non-verbal communication skills, which are critical to performing in front of crowds.)

Therefore, I just stared back at him.

After the world’s worst staring contest, ol’ boy got back in the truck and took off. Leaving me, THE TIGER, alone on the side of a highway, in the middle of Alabama.

As a natural survivalist, I oriented myself in the direction we came from and simply started walking back towards the part of the state that held the parade. My un-educated guess was that we had traveled around 10–15 miles, so walking back to the parade (wearing size 25 tiger feet and 100lbs of shag fur) should only take around 2–6 months. This, of course, was assuming I didn’t die of multiple heat strokes, or from a couple good ol’ boys returning from a hunt — only to hunt again — and mount me in their garage.

A few minutes later, as I walked down the side of the highway waving at passing cars like a complete idiot, a police car pulled up, full bells and whistles. I imagined they would cut the tiger costume off me before putting me in general population of the county jail where I would clearly be auctioned off as someone’s b*tch for 3 cigarettes and a bag of Fritos. I couldn’t wait.

The cop asked me where I was going, what I was doing and who I was to which I replied…

(Nothing)

After another awkward silence with authority, he told me to get in the backseat of the cop car. Have you ever been in the back of a cop car? In a tiger costume? Tweet me.

He took me back to the parade route and dropped me off in the middle of town which now had NO PARADE. At this point, I was just a dude in a tiger costume, wandering through a small town in middle of Alabama. Perfect.

I finally found my used Integra, somehow, and tore off my Tiger costume. I drove back to school and NEVER TOLD A F*CKING SOUL.

PS. I won the College National Championship for Mascots in 1995 LIKE A BOSS!

Swear to God.

 

[JuiceTheGator]

Oh well...at least he didn't get run over like George Tirebiter!

George Tirebiter was originally a scraggly, mixed-breed dog

 

[bamafan4evr12]

 

[RobToxin]

 

[Churchillin]

Two thumbs way up!

 

[TexasExes98]

I didn't read the article at all. I figured this was the Tiger mascot bitching about how AU can't make up their minds on who their official mascot is.....

 

[WestEndVol]

 

[Texas Jefe]

I didn't read the article at all. I figured this was the Tiger mascot bitching about how AU can't make up their minds on who their official mascot is.....

I know.

I mean, the mascot is a Tiger. Yet every Auburn person finishes every sentence, "War Eagle"

Very, very confusing.

 

[Brasky]

Oh man that is a fucking great story. Full on belly laughs.

This person didn't have the greatest day either:

 

[Brasky]

I know.

I mean, the mascot is a Tiger. Yet every Auburn person finishes every sentence, "War Eagle"

Very, very confusing.

I always wondered what the fuck a red colored coastal wave had to do with a cot damn Elephant.

Furthermore last I checked Elephants aren't even indigenous to Alabama. I've always asked Bama fans and I can't seem to get a straight answer.

 

[Bamabino]

The original Aubie was from my hood. I coached his younger brother in Dixie Youth baseball. He went on to get elected to the Alabama House of Representatives and is now CEO of the State Realtors Association.

 

[Bandwagonbo2]

I always wondered what the fuck a red colored coastal wave had to do with a cot damn Elephant.

Furthermore last I checked Elephants aren't even indigenous to Alabama. I've always asked Bama fans and I can't seem to get a straight answer.

The Crimson Tide
Early newspaper accounts of the University's football squad simply referred to them as the "varsity" or the "Crimson White". The first nickname popular with the media was the "Thin Red Line", which was used until 1906. Hugh Roberts, former sports editor of the Birmingham Age-Herald, is credited with coining the phrase "Crimson Tide" in an article describing the 1907 Iron Bowl played in Birmingham. The game was played in a sea of red mud with Auburn, a heavy favorite to win. Alabama held Auburn to a 6-6 tie, thus graduating to their newfound nickname.

The Elephant
There are two stories, perhaps both true, about how Alabama's football squad became associated with the elephant, both dating to the coaching tenure of Wallace Wade (1923–1930).

The earliest account attributes the Rosenberger's Birmingham Trunk Company for the elephant association. Owner J. D. Rosenberger, whose son was a student at the University, outfitted the undefeated 1926 team with "good luck" luggage tags for the trip to the 1927 Rose Bowl. The company's trademark, displayed on the tags, was a red elephant standing on a trunk. When the football team arrived in Pasadena, the reporters greeting them, including syndicated columnist Grantland Rice, associated their large size with the elephants on their luggage. When the 1930 team returned to the Rose Bowl, the company furnished leather suitcases, paid for by the Alumni Association, to each team member.

Another story dates to 1930. Following the October 4 game against Ole Miss, Atlanta Journal sports writer Everett Strupper wrote:

"At the end of the quarter, the earth started to tremble, there was a distant rumble that continued to grow. Some excited fan in the stands bellowed, 'Hold your horses, the elephants are coming,' and out stamped this Alabama varsity. It was the first time that I had seen it and the size of the entire eleven nearly knocked me cold, men that I had seen play last year looking like they had nearly doubled in size."

Yet, despite the unofficial status as the Crimson Tide's mascot, the elephant was very much part of the school's football traditions by the 1940s. It was in that decade that a live elephant mascot named "Alamite" was a regular sight on game days in Tuscaloosa. For several years it was traditional for the pachyderm to lead the homecoming parade and Alamite would also bear that year's queen onto the field prior to the game.

Sports writers continued to refer to Alabama as the "Red Elephants" afterward, referring to their crimson jerseys. The 1930 team shut out eight of ten opponents, allowing a total of only 13 points all season. The "Red Elephants" rolled up 217 points that season, including a 24-0 victory over Washington State in the Rose Bowl.

Despite these early associations of the elephant to the University of Alabama, the university did not officially accept the elephant as university mascot until 1979.

Alabama's elephant mascot is known as "Big Al".

Just for you, the official(unofficial)stories of the mascot.

 

[pennstatenut]

The original Aubie was from my hood. I coached his younger brother in Dixie Youth baseball. He went on to get elected to the Alabama House of Representatives and is now CEO of the State Realtors Association.

Barry Mask?

 

[pennstatenut]

When the 1930 team returned to the Rose Bowl, the company furnished leather suitcases, paid for by the Alumni Association, to each team member.

Damn cheating goes way back, lol.

 

[Bandwagonbo2]

When the 1930 team returned to the Rose Bowl, the company furnished leather suitcases, paid for by the Alumni Association, to each team member.

Damn cheating goes way back, lol.

NCAA did not exist back then in its form now, but whine away, wouldnt want to deprive you of that

 

[pennstatenut]

NCAA did not exist back then, but whine away, wouldnt want to deprive you of that

It's a fucking joke.

 

[Bandwagonbo2]

It's a fucking joke.

I said I didnt want to deprive you, that can mean in joke form as well.

 

[Bamabino]

Barry Mask?

That's him.

 

[KnightAndDay]

Offseason bump

 

[trojanfan12]

Awesome story.