Top 10 RBs According to The Onion

[RobToxin]

The NFL?s Top 10 Running Backs | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

10. DeMarco Murray: Onion Sports felt obligated to put a player from the Cowboys on this list so whiny fans in Dallas will stop complaining


9. Reggie Bush: Has all the good qualities you look for in a running back and yet, alas, how true that many perfect parts may form an imperfect, unsettling whole


8. Michael Vick: The talented Philadelphia tailback is expected to utilize some trick throwing plays in Chip Kelly’s new offense


7. Frank Gore: Coming off a season in which he racked up 259 carries for 1,212 yards, Gore seems poised to rack up 259 carries for 1,212 yards


6. Maurice Jones-Drew: Dominates the backfield with a mixture of athleticism and explosive speed that he hopes will be enough to help him break free from any contract


5. C.J. Spiller: In prime position to ride Kevin Kolb’s futility all season long


4. Trent Richardson: After an impressive rookie season for the Browns, don’t be surprised if this year he breaks out for over 1,000 completely wasted yards


3. Ray Rice: Quick feet and small stature should allow him to blow through the new vacancies in the Ravens’ offensive line


2. Arian Foster: Tough running back who proved doubters wrong that he wasn’t durable enough to handle the punishing disappointment of playing for the Texans


1. Adrian Peterson: Stiff-arm has dramatically improved since he began using the hand not carrying the ball

 

[JDM]

Perfect list.

 

[TDs3nOut]

Some funny quips. Hope it's wrong about the "futility" of Kolb, though. Given his recent injury, suffered by slipping on a mat, I'm not that optimistic that it is in fact wrong.

 

[boltfan72]

4. Trent Richardson: After an impressive rookie season for the Browns, don’t be surprised if this year he breaks out for over 1,000 completely wasted yards

 

[Uhsplit]

Of course I am a Seahawk homer to the 10th degree, but no Marshawn Lynch on the list???

 

[SickFelonIsGOAT]

lol, I love that they put Vick up there. Perfect analysis.

 

[nebearsfan70]

Vick? It is the Onion so what do you expect...

 

[noonthirtyjoe]

No Matt Forte? Ok list is horrid.

 

[SoCalWizFan]

No Matt Forte? Ok list is horrid.

Cmon. It is The Onion. It is a joke & not meant to be taken serious. Read the comments & you will see. Lighten up.

 

[Am I Blue Through it All?]

4. Trent Richardson: After an impressive rookie season for the Browns, don’t be surprised if this year he breaks out for over 1,000 completely wasted yards

I am not a fan of the Sea Chickens, but wasn't Lynch projected to be as high as 3rd best in some of the fantasy football polls? I am almost certain I saw that somewhere.

Richardson looks like the real deal. I doubt he or his agent think of them as "wasted" yards.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Yards are always considered wasted when you play for the Brownies... Cold hard fact!

 

[SoCalWizFan]

10. DeMarco Murray: Onion Sports felt obligated to put a player from the Cowboys on this list so whiny fans in Dallas will stop complaining



This might be the best entry on the list. So True. Once Cowboys fans are faced with the reality that they really are not going anywhere they have to start focusing on other irrelevant areas like # of pro bowlers, $$ value of the team, being "America's Team" etc. So lame.

 

[SoCalWizFan]

Of course I am a Seahawk homer to the 10th degree, but no Marshawn Lynch on the list???

Does the concept of sarcasm not exist in the Northwest?

 

[Nasty_Magician]

I believe this applies to some people in this thread:

http://seriouslyforreal.com/funny/the-35-top-times-someone-on0-facebook-thought-the-onion-was-real/

 

[BOTSLAYER]

Pretty awesome list, and the Onion is the best american news station

all of my news comes from a combination of the Daily show and the Onion, really the only 2 reliable sources.

 

[BOTSLAYER]

If they put the dance moves to the national anthem on one of those dance dance revolution video games at least the next generation might know it!!

 

[Am I Blue Through it All?]

I believe this applies to some people in this thread:

The 35 Top Times Someone On Facebook Thought ?The Onion? Was Real - Seriously, For Real?

Kudos.

 

[SoCalWizFan]

Kudos.

"No Hassle Suicide Day" & "Gay Teen Worried He Might Be a Christian" are two of the better ones. Great catch.

 

[Golden Spur]

4. Trent Richardson: After an impressive rookie season for the Browns, don’t be surprised if this year he breaks out for over 1,000 completely wasted yards

Was the best one, for sure.