OT I lost a frend tonight

[BOSSMANPC]

She stayed with me for a while and i found she had addiction problems. She was a very intelligent and very pretty girl that made the wrong divisions in life. My efforts along with others were apparently not enough to change her ways.

I got the following e-mail from her mom...


dear steve I am so sorry that this happened. She was using again and overdosed on a cocktail of crack, seraquil, oxycodone, zanex, ambien and alcohol. she died peacefully in her sleep. Jenny, Stewart, john and I were at her apartment today. we found her drug paraphanalia. Davon is with his grandmother in Georgia where he will remain and we will see him in the winter when we go south. Jerry is god knows whbere, roaming the streets of Buff. turning tricks for drugs. he has no idea his mother is gone. sometimes life is so cruel. take caree of yourself, my friend. you are in my thoughts and prayers. love, bonnie


I tried to help her many times with re had and other things, Life can be so cruel as she was a very intelligent woman that went down the wrong road.

Sorry to spill my gut's here but I just keep thinking maybe If I could have tried even harder it may have made a difference. She lived with me for a while and would get pissed at me because I wouldn't fund her habit's.

Cherish what you have people because sometimes it can be taken away in a heartbeat.

Sorry for thr rant, but I feel sick over this.

Have others has experiences like this?

Steve

 

[naslundfan19]

My family's had some similar problems with my brother, Boss. Good news for us is that for now, he is in rehab. Sucks that you lost your friend. You and her family are in my prayers.

 

[ritari330]

Not exactly sure if this is like your case, but my Aunt Sarah died from a mix of her medication for a heart problem and alcohol. She was an alcoholic. She was told many times from doctors that she had to chose between drinking and her life. What made me think of her was that like your friend, she died in her sleep.

Here's to you boss for trying, don't beat yourself up over this!

-Tyler

 

[The Soggy one]

Boss,

You can't think in the terms of what could have been when you look back on things. With every shitty situation you can always look back and say what if I did things differently or what if I tried harder. It just doesn't work like that. During the time, you put 100% into it. You did everything you could have done. Don't beat yourself up over it. All it does is make you feel like shit. Focus on what you did that positively affected her life.

While I cannot guess what its like to be in this situation, I think everyone here has gone through several shitty things in their life. I just went through a real shitty divorce, that was brought on by me and it messed up a lot of people. And its still messing up people. But I couldn't have done anything differently. When youre in the present you do what you can. But you can't look back and say you could always have done things differently. It will ruin you if you dwell on "what could have beens"

 

[h X c Chris]

Thats a shame. Seems like this is happening a lot. In the past 2 weeks my friend Tom had the mother of his baby take 110 percocet's to try and kill herself and now she has heart failure, and kidney failure. She's being kept alive by a machine...the family just has yet to pull the plug.

Tom's sister also had her ex-boyfriend try to commit suicide by OD'ing on a bunch of drugs, heroin, oxycontin, acid, and a bunch of other nasty stuff. He now has severe brain damage.

Looks like in this society its not just people OD'ing on accident anymore, people are doing it to escape. Makes me sick.

Drugs never made sense to me, I know a lot of posters on the board like to make jokes about it but the seriousness of drugs is they're really an epidemic.

I guess everybody needs a crutch these days.

 

[davnlaguna]

Had a similar story. Friend in my wife's band had a problem. Thought it was gone. His life was turning around. Got a girlfriend and was working things out with his family However, since he had a criminal record (drug use) he had a hard time getting jobs. He got a job with a tow truck company that had 12 hour shifts. He saw speed as his way to stay awake. His boss recommended it. Well he started using that and the band that rehearsed in the studio next door started partying with him. He got violent with the girlfriend. Lost the job and family. The band broke up because people took sides on if dumping a friend was the best thing to do.
He vanished from our lives. His mom wouldn't tell me anything for a long time. After several years I found out that he had overdosed and died of a heart attack at 31

 

[filosofy29]

Boss,

You can't think in the terms of what could have been when you look back on things. With every shitty situation you can always look back and say what if I did things differently or what if I tried harder. It just doesn't work like that. During the time, you put 100% into it. You did everything you could have done. Don't beat yourself up over it. All it does is make you feel like shit. Focus on what you did that positively affected her life.

While I cannot guess what its like to be in this situation, I think everyone here has gone through several shitty things in their life. I just went through a real shitty divorce, that was brought on by me and it messed up a lot of people. And its still messing up people. But I couldn't have done anything differently. When youre in the present you do what you can. But you can't look back and say you could always have done things differently. It will ruin you if you dwell on "what could have beens"

Soggy.....you've always had this wisdom within you and all you do is one liners all the time? You should speak out more often ;-)

In all seriousness though, take Soggy's advice Boss. You were a friend to her and I'm sure she held your friendship with great asppreciation. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and her family and friends.

 

[puckhead]

Sorry to hear it Steve. Condolences to you and all who cared for her.
There's really nothing you could have done... self destructive people tend to do their damndest to circumvent any help offered. Second guessing things will not help anyone out.

 

[Comeds]

Sorry to heat that Boss

 

[devs30rko]

boss i'm sorry for your loss...
i can only imagine that it was a highly frustrating situation for you that she did not make any less so. its truely sad. the addiction was there. but the initial choice was all her. there is not much you could have done except to have been that friend... you've been through a lot in your life and seen the ups and downs. i'm confident you'll be able to keep your head held high and keep everything in perspective.

 

[Vadered]

First of all, Boss, I'm sure you did all you could. I'll be honest with you, you could have marched her to rehab at gunpoint and it wouldn't have helped if she didn't want it to. That's not a knock on her, either - drugs are bad stuff, as you are well aware, and I have nothing but respect for anyone who has ever salvaged their life after hitting bottom. I don't think I could, myself. But everyone asks themselves after stuff like this, "what could I have done better, or differently, that he or she'd still be alive?" That's the wrong question to ask, because hindsight is 20-20. I'm sure you did everything you felt appropriate at the time.

My condolences to you, Boss. There's not much I can say that will make you feel better tonight. Just hope you feel a little better tomorrow, and a little better the next day.

 

[BOSSMANPC]

Thanks for all the nice comments and support. It will be a tough day on the 14 th when I see her in that casket and know I am going to lose it big time.

I loved her and will try and focus on the good times we had together

Thank You all for the kind words.

Steve.

 

[dare2be]

Soggy et. al. already eloquently said what I was thinking. Cherish the good memories of her and know that you did all you could to be a friend. I'm sure that deep down she appreciated all the help you gave her, even if sometimes she may not have shown it.

 

[elocomotive]

I tried to help her many times with re had and other things, Life can be so cruel as she was a very intelligent woman that went down the wrong road.

Sorry to spill my gut's here but I just keep thinking maybe If I could have tried even harder it may have made a difference. She lived with me for a while and would get pissed at me because I wouldn't fund her habit's.

Hey Boss,
I actually have an ex-girlfriend who was an alcoholic and periodic drug abuser. Like your friend, she was beautiful and very smart, but had things inside her she just seemed unable to work out. I often questioned if I was doing enough, doing the right thing, saying the right thing, etc.

What I learned is that battles with addiction need two things - a willingness to get better and then getting help. While others can help with the latter part, the first part comes only from within that individual once they've recognized the problem and decided to do something about it. I don't think that anything anyone else can say, do, etc. can make that happen.

I'm sad for your friend that she never made it to that point, but you shouldn't feel bad about for a moment. Feel sadness for the loss to you and others who loved her, feel happy for the moments you had with her and the moments of happiness you know she had, but don't spend a second on guilt or regret.

Hang in there and my condolances.

 

[TOX1]

I am very sorry for your loss Steve. As I've been through this kind of thing more often than a person should have to, I know what you're going through and I wish you all the best my friend.

 

[dash]

Boss, sorry to hear that news about your friend. Take solace in the fact that you reached out and provided help and guidance. That's pretty much all that you can do.

 

[flyersfan4706]

Boss I am sorry about your loss. I dont think you should put the thoughts of you being able to save her if you tried harder on your shoulders. As friends I am sure he knew that you were there for her and that you were a person you could go to. I am not really religious but she is in a better place right now.

 

[Darkstone42]

I'm sorry to hear that, Boss. But have no regrets. You did what you could, and after that, it was up to her and chance. Sometimes things just don't work out, and sometimes when they don't it's tragic. But that's life: ups and downs. It's just always so hard and painful to deal with it when a person throws everything away with his or her own poor choices.

I lost my half-brother in the fall to a similar situation. He actually died of a heart attack, but his lifestyle is what led to it. My dad tried to help him, setting him up with jobs, giving him advice, etc. But my half-brother repaid him by ripping my dad off for $5000 and stopping talking to him.

He came back last year, and my dad set him up with another job, and I actually think he had turned his life around, but his past just caught up to him, and his heart couldn't handle any more.

But like I said, Boss, you did what you could, and what you do is all you can control, so don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[pixburgher66]

sorry boss...that's rough stuff to deal with. but, as i'm sure it's been said, it's all her decision. the only way you can quit is if you really, truly want to. i'm going through stuff similar to this, only the addiction is to money. my brother, though i love him so very much, is addicted to buying things and is a pathelogical liar...basically, he owes my parents upwards of 10k and has stolen more than half the money i've ever made (not much...but to a kid in college, it's everything). anyway, my only way of coping with such things is leaning on friends, and mostly on God. just the fact that you made an attempt is honorable. not everyone would.

 

[beantownmaniac]

Sorry for your loss Boss. I'm one of the lucky one that got out alive after years of drug and alcohol abuse. My abuses were to hide from a childhood trauma, but non the less, I am fortunate to be alive today. I'm sure you did everything you could to help this girl. You seem the helping kind. Just know she's not suffering from whatever demons that controlled her life anymore. May she rest in peace