coach versus parent: Minor hockey story

[jstewismybastardson]

Burnaby hockey mom alleges adolescent son humiliated by coach

saw this story and it hit close to home because the rink in question is a 5 minute walk from my house. Its where my 3 year old is taking skating lessons and where he and his little sister will most likely play their minor hockey.

I understand there are alot of dynamics involved in this story

Are the parents just one of those couples that thinks their child can do no wrong? ... Is he being babied?
Is the coach abusing his authority?

imo though, he needed to be fired after this happened


Greg Cooper had been playing hockey for five years when the five-foot, 125-pound lad was selected for Noorani’s rep team in September 2011 — no small feat for the growing boy.

But a high hit by Greg early in September was all it took to get into the coach’s doghouse.

In the dressing room after the game, Noorani ordered Greg to stand up in front of his teammates. He asked another boy for his glove, put it on and cuffed Greg upside the head — the coach’s first infraction of B.C. Hockey’s policy on harassment, which clearly prohibits unwelcome physical contact, as well as humiliating someone in front of their peers

 

[The Q stache]

they need to show the coach the door

 

[beantownmaniac]

they need to show the coach the door

Yep, the minute he hit the kid upside his head. That should not be tolerated, PERIOD!!!

 

[pixburgher66]

Yeah, shouldn't be hitting kids. You can yell at them a bit, but not hit them.

 

[dash]

I would argue that the mental trauma (being singled out in front of the entire team) hurt the kid more than the physical trauma...

 

[pixburgher66]

There's a very thin line when it comes to coaching. Especially with boys. I think guys tend to respond to aggressive coaching more than girls...you yell at a girl you've basically lost her. Guys often respond to that. However, there's good and bad yelling. Coaching isn't easy, especially with kids. And if you're coaching 12 year olds, you have to be extra careful...parents are always aware of the situation. Don't kid yourself. It's a simple thing though "would I do this to my kid?" If you're a good person, that's the question to ask.

 

[jstewismybastardson]

I would argue that the mental trauma (being singled out in front of the entire team) hurt the kid more than the physical trauma...

this could be true ... and this coach seems to specialize in it ... how bout isolating the kid by making him stand alone, unsupervised, down a tunnel ... he's still a 12 year old kid

 

[dash]

how bout isolating the kid by making him stand alone, unsupervised, down a tunnel ... he's still a 12 year old kid

In my opinion, that's totally unacceptable...

 

[forty_three]

Never, ever, ever for any reason is it acceptable for a coach to put his hands on a player like that. Ever.

However, I think youth sports would be much better if parents were not allowed to watch. Here's my little story of a run in with a parent / coach. As a coach myself.

So we're playing in a game against a team we should NOT be playing in any way. It's a girls team, and my team is 100% Squirt Minors, IE 9 year olds. The Girls team is a U14 team. But the two youngest (of 17 kids) are 9, so the parents of the kids got them slotted in to play against squirt boys "in the interest of fairness". 7 of these girls are 14 years old. Every squirt boys team has protested, but lo and behold one of the parents of one of the girls runs the CCYHA. His daughter is 12. So our boys don't even want to play. Imagine the biggest kid on your team is smaller than the smallest on theirs. They are not having fun. So we tell them it's good practice for dumping and chasing because carrying the puck is out. Not in front of the kids, but us coaches kind of laugh at the parents of these behemoths. If that's what they need to feel good about themselves, etc.

The team has not lost a game yet this season.

So, one of our boys is apparently rather upset on the ice. He was open, and no pass came. Apparently, which we did not know, when play stopped he asked his linemate "where's the F---ing pass?" I did not hear the cussing, but he was still needling the linemate as he got back to the bench. I benched the kid for the last 3 minutes for picking on his team mate.

But after the game is when it hit the fan. Apparently, one of the girls on the other team heard it, told the coach who did not bother to tell the ref or get word to us of what happened. No, he waited until the end of the game and confronted the kid and shook him by the shoulders. The only way I knew what happened was when I saw the kid, crying and running to the locker room. The coach came up and said "if it wasn't him, I am sorry". I asked him what happened and he told me of the cussing. He left out the whole "I shook the shit out of him" part when talking to me. We didn't find out about that until another parent of a kid on a team playing after us sent an email to the league president. Strangely, there were around 20 parents of kids on the U14 team standing around, and none of them saw anything.

And all they had to do was call time, let the ref know to tell us, and I would have sent the kid to the showers. I'd already benched him for attitude. I don't play that. But no, this "grown up" had to confront a 9 year old, physically.

So, now, as the playoffs are starting all the remaining teams are banding together to get the U14 girls banned from competition because of the actions of the coach and parents.

 

[pixburgher66]

I feel like we may now delve into the Title IX battle again, haha. I hated playing co-ed when I was younger because boys are silly and wouldn't appreciate or acknowledge my own talents, but for 14 year olds to be playing 9 year olds is ridiculous. Girls grow faster to begin with.

 

[jstewismybastardson]

I feel like we may now delve into the Title IX battle again, haha. I hated playing co-ed when I was younger because boys are silly and wouldn't appreciate or acknowledge my own talents, but for 14 year olds to be playing 9 year olds is ridiculous. Girls grow faster to begin with.

this

 

[pixburgher66]

Also, I agree that parents involvement can get disgusting. The worst was being on a varsity high school team where parents still insisted on being involved. Our coaches specifically said "If you can't make it to practice, if you have an issue with playing time, if you have an issue with me...then buck up and YOU talk to me. I won't talk to your parents." And still we had fathers pushing their way in, standing at the fence trying to coach. The only time I was ever okay with it in high school was when our pitchers dad was involved, because he was her pitching coach to begin with...called the pitches and everything. And he legitimately knew more about the game than my coach, God love him.

 

[higgyfan4]

When my son was in Pee Wee we went to a scrimmage game in Toledo, OH. During the game, the asshole that coached my son's team didn't like a call that the refs made, so he pulled the kids off the ice then proceeded to throw water bottles on the ice towards the ref. AT. A. SCRIMMAGE. GAME. A game that didn't even count!

About five of the kids on the team quit right then and there. Thankfully the league fired his ass and he was banned from coaching.

Oh and did I mention this was a house league? The team was not the least bit competitive, they had never even won a game. The kids just loved to play, and they didn't really care if they won or lost.

As a hockey parent I had never been so embarrassed in my life.

 

[higgyfan4]

All parents shouldn't be banned from games because of the antics of a few.

Every game I went to, sure, there were a couple that went off the handle, but the majority of us were just there to cheer and support our kids.

 

[beantownmaniac]

I feel like we may now delve into the Title IX battle again, haha. I hated playing co-ed when I was younger because boys are silly and wouldn't appreciate or acknowledge my own talents, but for 14 year olds to be playing 9 year olds is ridiculous. Girls grow faster to begin with.

this

I agree with both of you. I have no problem with girls playing boys if that's what they want, but age limitations should be in play also.

 

[puckhead]

yeah, parents at games can be pretty silly. i can't recall a coach getting physical, but my favourite 'parent story' goes a little something like this:

We were playing Squamish, and it was a fairly rough game. We had a black guy on the team who was a pretty physical player (he ended up playing a few games with the Leafs as a goon - was called up after Kypreos got KO'd), and one of the Squamish fathers yelled out "get that n..... off the ice!". well, his sister was in the stands for the game, and proceeded to kick the ever living shit out this guy. 16 year old girl beat him so bad that we players stopped the game to watch the fight.

good times, good times.

 

[SLY]

It isnt hard to realize where the line is not to cross in these situations. Yelling at 12 yr olds for sports is completely acceptable. No coach should EVER put their hands on a player though. But when I say yelling at a child for their play is acceptable, again, there is a very obvious line there. If you are straight up reprimanding them for sloppy play, or a dirty hit, or anything then ok. But if you are humiliating them, or using unacceptable language for a 12 yr old, then adios.

But that is just me. I really hate the "PC" world we are entering.

 

[BF4L]

OMG does this ever piss me off.

Guy should be in jail

 

[beantownmaniac]

It isnt hard to realize where the line is not to cross in these situations. Yelling at 12 yr olds for sports is completely acceptable. No coach should EVER put their hands on a player though. But when I say yelling at a child for their play is acceptable, again, there is a very obvious line there. If you are straight up reprimanding them for sloppy play, or a dirty hit, or anything then ok. But if you are humiliating them, or using unacceptable language for a 12 yr old, then adios.

But that is just me. I really hate the "PC" world we are entering.

I wouldn't even yell at a kid or kids for sloppy play. They're still learning the game. My voice might raise a little, but I don't want the kids to not like the game anymore because they're getting yelled at, especially if they're trying hard but still playing sloppy. If any player(s) are playing sloppy, the coach has to accept some of the blame also. But first and foremost, they're coaches trying to teach them the game, not prison guards. Now if a dirty play is involved, he's benched for the rest of the game at the very least and I would sit down with the player and his parents to discuss the situation. Some of the best coaches I've ever seen, in any sport, were ones that didn't yell, yet still had the respect of their players. And I'm talking in the pro's, never mind instructional leagues.

 

[beantownmaniac]

Oh, by the way, if a coach ever hit my kid for any reason, he's getting dropped. And I don't mean fired either.