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Coming off an offseason that involved spending most of January through April in his basement, handing urine to his advisers while sniffling through constant re-runs of "Cop Land," famed LGBTQ+ activist and Baltimore Raven quarterback Joe Flacco came back with a vengeance and a determination to lead his Ravens back to glory this fall. With a stunning 47-3 victory over the Buffalo Bills, many thought Flacco was back. "It may be the best performance from Joe Flacco against a team that will win 3 games in a season in his entire career," commented NFL analyst Shannon Sharpe. Critics of Flacco continued to be proven wrong as he led his team to a 4-2 record by week 6.
However, the wheels may appear to be falling off. Losing three straight games, Flacco and his Ravens sit at third place in the AFC North with a 4-5 record. To make matters worse, early reports indicated that Joe Flacco is doubtful to start Week 11, with illustrious college QB Lamar Jackson ready to take the reigns, and former illustrious college QB Robert Griffin III waiting in the wings.
Flacco initially claimed a hip injury was stalling his ability to lead the Ravens back into contention, but with support from his long-time civil partner, Tom Liberace (nephew of singer Liberace), Flacco has announced that it is actually a failing anus, and not hip, that is sidelining him.
"I just want to be clear that my torn anus is the reason I will likely not play Week 11. It was healing and feeling better, but then (Tom) went and gave me a pounding of a lifetime last night. It felt so good, I didn't give a shit if I ever played again."
With fans and teammates angry at Flacco for his apparent lack of commitment to the 4-5 Ravens, Joe has gone back into hiding in his basement, leaving many to wonder if he will ever play in an NFL game again.
Earlier this morning, Flacco released this poem that he wrote on his 2004 Macintosh with additional overdubbing from a pro-tool set.
Most of the time my head is on straight
Most of the time I'm strong enough not to hate
I don't build up illusion 'til it makes me sick
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind
Don't even remember what his lips felt like on mine
Most of the time
Most of the time he ain't even in my mind
I wouldn't know him if I saw him
He's that far behind
Most of the time I can't even be sure
If he was ever with me
Or if I was ever with him
Most of the time I'm halfway content
Most of the time I know exactly where it went
I don't cheat on myself I don't run and hide
Hide from the feelings that are buried inside
I don't compromise and I don't pretend
I don't even care if I ever see him again
Most of the time
However, the wheels may appear to be falling off. Losing three straight games, Flacco and his Ravens sit at third place in the AFC North with a 4-5 record. To make matters worse, early reports indicated that Joe Flacco is doubtful to start Week 11, with illustrious college QB Lamar Jackson ready to take the reigns, and former illustrious college QB Robert Griffin III waiting in the wings.
Flacco initially claimed a hip injury was stalling his ability to lead the Ravens back into contention, but with support from his long-time civil partner, Tom Liberace (nephew of singer Liberace), Flacco has announced that it is actually a failing anus, and not hip, that is sidelining him.
"I just want to be clear that my torn anus is the reason I will likely not play Week 11. It was healing and feeling better, but then (Tom) went and gave me a pounding of a lifetime last night. It felt so good, I didn't give a shit if I ever played again."
With fans and teammates angry at Flacco for his apparent lack of commitment to the 4-5 Ravens, Joe has gone back into hiding in his basement, leaving many to wonder if he will ever play in an NFL game again.
Earlier this morning, Flacco released this poem that he wrote on his 2004 Macintosh with additional overdubbing from a pro-tool set.
Most of the time my head is on straight
Most of the time I'm strong enough not to hate
I don't build up illusion 'til it makes me sick
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind
Don't even remember what his lips felt like on mine
Most of the time
Most of the time he ain't even in my mind
I wouldn't know him if I saw him
He's that far behind
Most of the time I can't even be sure
If he was ever with me
Or if I was ever with him
Most of the time I'm halfway content
Most of the time I know exactly where it went
I don't cheat on myself I don't run and hide
Hide from the feelings that are buried inside
I don't compromise and I don't pretend
I don't even care if I ever see him again
Most of the time
