- Thread starter
- #1
Am I Blue Through it All?
Herald of the Apocalypse
A friend of mine shared the preliminary results of a four year study of Miami Heat fans. Most of the details are extremely disturbing:
1. 83.7 percent of all Heat fans have less than a GED or its equivalent. Some of the other findings below probably explain this.
2. And alarming 91.7 percent have multiple STDs. This is shocking when you realize the average Heat fan looks like he/she has never had sex while another person is in the room.
3. Heat fans actually reproduce. 27.4 percent are the result of sexual congress between siblings.
4. 47.9 percent suffered serious abuse as a child and 54.8 percent are currently doing so to their own offspring.
5. 81.3 percent admit to have conflicting feelings about sexual orientation.
6. 94.9 percent have problems with personal hygiene and are unaware of some of the most basic care and cleanliness of their bodies, hair and teeth.
7. 29.2 percent suffer from incontinence and/or anal leakage.
8. 54 percent believe they see dead people.
9. 86.8 percent view working at McDonalds as their dream job.
In view of all these deficiencies (some are still being researched) please show some sympathy the next time you have the bad luck to run into a Heat fan. After all, this may be the saddest group of people on the planet. Don't hit them with your car or van. Speak kindly lest you push them over the edge and make them eat a bullet. Do not give them bullets. Remember that most of them are short (in more ways than one) due to dietary deficiencies and bad genes.
Be kind.
1. 83.7 percent of all Heat fans have less than a GED or its equivalent. Some of the other findings below probably explain this.
2. And alarming 91.7 percent have multiple STDs. This is shocking when you realize the average Heat fan looks like he/she has never had sex while another person is in the room.
3. Heat fans actually reproduce. 27.4 percent are the result of sexual congress between siblings.
4. 47.9 percent suffered serious abuse as a child and 54.8 percent are currently doing so to their own offspring.
5. 81.3 percent admit to have conflicting feelings about sexual orientation.
6. 94.9 percent have problems with personal hygiene and are unaware of some of the most basic care and cleanliness of their bodies, hair and teeth.
7. 29.2 percent suffer from incontinence and/or anal leakage.
8. 54 percent believe they see dead people.
9. 86.8 percent view working at McDonalds as their dream job.
In view of all these deficiencies (some are still being researched) please show some sympathy the next time you have the bad luck to run into a Heat fan. After all, this may be the saddest group of people on the planet. Don't hit them with your car or van. Speak kindly lest you push them over the edge and make them eat a bullet. Do not give them bullets. Remember that most of them are short (in more ways than one) due to dietary deficiencies and bad genes.
Be kind.