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The Gayest Songs In History...

BritishDolfan

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... By Nominally Straight artists.

Now, the criteria I'm using here probably needs some explanation, and even then it's probably somewhat arbitrary. You'll also notice that all but one of the songs i'm going to post is lesbian rather than gay. That's mostly because straight men have no balls when it comes to singing about men lol.

"Obvious" songs that I have disqualified for whatever reason:

All the Things She Said by t.A.T.u - Well, there's a couple of reasons. Firstly one of them is actually bisexual, and second, they pretended to be a couple.

I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry - Her subsequent statements about it and where it came from are enough to consider her bisexual and disqualify it.

Anything by Taylor Swift, because if she's not gay I will be very very surprised.

Any number of recordings of folk songs, eg Rosanne Cash's version of Long Black Veil - The tradition in British and Irish folk music is to not change the pronouns, ever, so this doesn't count. I'm only applying this to traditional songs (so as not to disqualify three more songs that I've actually put on this list...)

Honourable mention - Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. Pretty much any of that album could go here. It's also very close to joining I Kissed a Girl in the disqualified list.

6 - The Needle and the Damage Done by Neil Young. Solely for the lyric "I sing this song because I love the man / I know some of you might not understand"

5 - Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes. I think I'm maybe the only person to see it that way, but there is something quite homoerotic about the lyrics in my opinion.

4 - Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. Which is a dumb name for a band, but still. This was written by a man, but still qualifies, because it's not a trad song.

3 - Born to Run as covered by Amy MacDonald. Should probably be disqualified, given that it's a cover and has only ever been recorded live. But, eh, it's one of my favourite songs anyway, and I love her voice. And it works amazingly well as a lesbian power ballad.

2 - Awkward Annie by Kate Rusby. Would fail the folk music rule, if it wasn't for the fact that she wrote it. You could read it as being about herself, I suppose. But fuck that.

1 - Never Be The Same Again by Melanie C & Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Will remain in this spot unless and until Mel C actually ever comes out.

And yes, I spent far too long on this thread.
 

Rod Freakin' Dangerfield

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How the hell is 1-10 not Elton John songs, Opie?!
 

BritishDolfan

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How the hell is 1-10 not Elton John songs, Opie?!
Note the words "by nominally straight artists". Elton john is gay as fuck, and has never really hidden it. He released an album named Captain Fantastic And The Brown Dirt Cowboy, while he was supposedly in the closet, FFS.
 

Oswaldandme

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... By Nominally Straight artists.

Now, the criteria I'm using here probably needs some explanation, and even then it's probably somewhat arbitrary. You'll also notice that all but one of the songs i'm going to post is lesbian rather than gay. That's mostly because straight men have no balls when it comes to singing about men lol.

"Obvious" songs that I have disqualified for whatever reason:

All the Things She Said by t.A.T.u - Well, there's a couple of reasons. Firstly one of them is actually bisexual, and second, they pretended to be a couple.

I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry - Her subsequent statements about it and where it came from are enough to consider her bisexual and disqualify it.

Anything by Taylor Swift, because if she's not gay I will be very very surprised.

Any number of recordings of folk songs, eg Rosanne Cash's version of Long Black Veil - The tradition in British and Irish folk music is to not change the pronouns, ever, so this doesn't count. I'm only applying this to traditional songs (so as not to disqualify three more songs that I've actually put on this list...)

Honourable mention - Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. Pretty much any of that album could go here. It's also very close to joining I Kissed a Girl in the disqualified list.

6 - The Needle and the Damage Done by Neil Young. Solely for the lyric "I sing this song because I love the man / I know some of you might not understand"

5 - Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes. I think I'm maybe the only person to see it that way, but there is something quite homoerotic about the lyrics in my opinion.

4 - Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. Which is a dumb name for a band, but still. This was written by a man, but still qualifies, because it's not a trad song.

3 - Born to Run as covered by Amy MacDonald. Should probably be disqualified, given that it's a cover and has only ever been recorded live. But, eh, it's one of my favourite songs anyway, and I love her voice. And it works amazingly well as a lesbian power ballad.

2 - Awkward Annie by Kate Rusby. Would fail the folk music rule, if it wasn't for the fact that she wrote it. You could read it as being about herself, I suppose. But fuck that.

1 - Never Be The Same Again by Melanie C & Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Will remain in this spot unless and until Mel C actually ever comes out.

And yes, I spent far too long on this thread.
Why don't you just come out and say you love your uncle's cock?
 

Chewbaccer

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Missed the straight artists part.

My bad.
 

gob

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Africa.


Fucking horrible, horrible song
 
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