Hockey jokes

[IPostedWhat]

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)

• New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
• Canadians plant gardens.


40° Fahrenheit (4.4° C)

• Californians shiver uncontrollably.
• Canadians Sunbathe.


35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)

• Italian Cars won't start
• Canadians drive with the windows down


32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)

• Distilled water freezes
• Canadian water get thicker.


0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)

• New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
• Canadians have the last cookout of the season.


-40° Fahrenheit (-40° C)

• Hollywood disintegrates.
• Canadians rent some videos.


-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)

• Mt. St. Helens freezes.
• Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.


-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)

• Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
• Canadians pull down their ear flaps.


-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)

• Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
• Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.


-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C)

• Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
• Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"


-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)

• Hell freezes over.
• The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

 

[filosofy29]

Hockey Joke:

Peter Forsberg to make one last comeback attempt | Yardbarker.com

 

[IPostedWhat]

A hockey player is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, " Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" " I got it for my wife, eh" answers Bob. " Oh!" exclaims Doug, " Good trade."

 

[ritari330]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Stars fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Stars fans too. All of their hands fly into the air except for one little girl.

"Why didn't you raise your hand?" the teacher asks the girl.

"Because I'm not an Stars fan," she replies.

"Then," asks her teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm a proud San Jose Sharks fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher gets a little red in the face, frustrated, and asks the little girl why she is a Sharks fan.

"Well, my Mom and Dad are Sharks fans, so I'm a Sharks fan too," she responds.

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a meth junkie and your Dad was inbred. What would you be then?"

The little girl pipes up "A Dallas Stars fan."

 

[ritari330]

Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up like fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharecteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about his father.

Johnny said "My father is an exotic dancer at a gay bar and takes all his clothes off in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Johnny aside to ask him "Is that really true about your father?"

"Well, not really" said Johnny, "he plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

 

[thedddd]

Before the incident, Tiger’s wife was reportedly seen with Keith Ballard.

_____________________________________

Having to listen to Paul Steigerwald and Bob Errey.

 

[flyersfan4706]

Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up like fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharecteristically quiet so the teacher asked him about his father.

Johnny said "My father is an exotic dancer at a gay bar and takes all his clothes off in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Johnny aside to ask him "Is that really true about your father?"

"Well, not really" said Johnny, "he plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

LOL


And now for my joke.

A Penguins fan...in 2005!

 

[flyersfan4706]

This joke didnt satisfy me at first, so I changed it.

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Penguins fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Penguins fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and say they are too, except ONE kid named Dougie.. the teacher looks at Dougie and says, "Doug, you're not a Penguins fan?" He says, "Nope, I'm a Flyers fan!" She says, "Well why are you a Flyers fan and not a Penguins fan?" to which Dougie replies, "Well, my mom is a Flyers fan, and my dad is a Flyers fan, so I'm a Flyers fan." The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!" Dougie says, "Then I'd be a Penguins fan!"

 

[mooger_35]

 

[mooger_35]

 

[flyersfan4706]

Wanna make that bigger?

 

[mooger_35]

I could... Calgary Blows "this much"

 

[filosofy29]

It is the city of brotherly love.....

 

[IPostedWhat]

 

[thedddd]

LOL


And now for my joke.

A Penguins fan...in 2005!

Funny....But Ugh..Don't remind us.
Anyway how about this one Flyers 2006-07....Then losing the lottery for Patrick Kane.

 

[IPostedWhat]

 

[IPostedWhat]

 

[flyersfan4706]

Funny....But Ugh..Don't remind us.
Anyway how about this one Flyers 2006-07....Then losing the lottery for Patrick Kane.

I blame Bettman :p

 

[thedddd]

I blame Bettman :p

He is the biggest Hockey Joke!

 

[flyersfan4706]

Correct