We own the Ravens....

[bengaldoug]

The following matchups favor the Bengals.....

1) Head coach

We all know what a genius Marvin is. His aggressive, go for the throat personality. He always knows how to put the opponent away. His flawless clock management. His wisdom in when to challenge calls, and when not to. His incredible personality in press conferences. I could go on and on, but basically, Marvin is the perfect coach. Harbaugh on the other hand, is a bum.

2) RG Mike McGlynn vs NT Haloti Ngata

We've all seen McGlynn dominate in the run game, and his exceptional pass blocking. The man never has a false start, and just never holds. Ngata on the other hand, is a bum. McGlynn will own him.

3) Our corners vs Torrey Smith

Total mismatch in our favor. When Clements and Jones get tired of shutting him down, they'll turn him over to Kelly Jennings. He has no chance. I mean, it's not like he had 165 yards against us in the last game.

4) Our Rey's better than their Ray

Give me Maualuga any time at MLB over that criminal, Ray Lewis. Nuff said.

5) Cedric Benson vs Ray Rice

No comparison. Rice fumbles, and is no threat at all as a receiver. Cedric, on the other hand, kicked the shit out of his boyfriend during the offseason. Who's the man?

With all these matchups so obviously in our favor, how can we lose?

:ss::ss::ss:

 

[cincygrad]

6) A more committed owner

Easily in our favor. Mike Brown is well-recognized throughout the industry as one of the best owners in all of professional sports. Steve Bisciotti should have stuck in the technology sector as he clearly isn't interested in putting a winning product on the football field.

7) Front office acumen

Again, clearly in our favor. While the Ravens have a former tight-end calling all the shots (how many times was Ozzie concussed anyway), the Bengals rely on the well-educated Brown family, most of which are lawyers. We all know that lawyers are always right and generally make fantastic politicians and general managers of sports teams. Not to mention, the Ravens front office is too disorganized. Reason -- They hire WAY too many scouts. You really only need one voice in the draft room. When will the Ravens learn?

8) Home environment

The Ravens stadium is much too loud. The game day experience much too fun. PBS is the perfect balance of bland and sterile and as a bonus the offense doesn't have to worry about crowd noise - Unless we are on the goal line. One of these days Marvin will finally educate our fans and the Bengals will stop jumping offsides.

 

[bengaldoug]

Outstanding.....anyone else?

 

[vancelot23]

Better eyebrows?

 

[daytonbenglfan]

9) Playoff experience.

Year after year the Bengals are a top notch playoff contender. When January arrives this franchise is unbeatable. They rack up playoff victories like like the greatest champions in the history of the NFL. The Ravens never get to the post-season and will easy pickings due to their pathetic lack of experience.

10) Ed Reed vs. Chris Crocker

Crocker is a dominant perennial Pro Bowler. He instills great fear in hearts of any wide receiver that dares take the field against him. Opposing receivers have been known to soil themselves just contemplating the vicious nature of Crocker's play. His ball- hawking skills have no comparison to any safety to ever wear an NFL uniform. Ed Reed is marginal player that never lived up to his first round draft selection. His next interception against the Bengals will be his first. He has never been the impact player that the Bengals have in Crocker.

 

[cincygrad]

Who is Ed Reed? Did they just pick him up this year, or has he always been on the roster?

Love me some Chris Crocker -- Transformative type of player IMO.

 

[daytonbenglfan]

Yeah, Ed Reed is one of those guys on the fringes of the NFL that barely can stick on a team's practice squad. I've read that he has to bus tables in the off season to make ends meet.

Transformative is an apt description of our wonder at safety. He is the prototypical Renisssance Man- a 21st century marvel.

 

[DanBengalfan]

we gotsta rize uppah!!!

 

[Be Weary of Query]

Funny, albeit depressing thread.