The Karl Malone Thread

[nuraman00]

If I didn't know about the commercials I would have thought the pairs were: John Stockton and Karl Malone; Hardees and Diet Pepsi, or Jerry Sloan and John Deere tractors. Or Courtney Kirkland and Kirkney Courtland.

The other Jazz pair was Jeff Hornacek and Getting Horny. Hornacek was in a Horny State when a certain body part was on fire:

















-- his hands.

 

[nuraman00]

We're both robots because good things come in pairs, like John Stockton and Diet Pepsi; or Karl Malone, and Hardees fried chicken; or Jerry Sloan, and getting seven game suspensions for pushing Courtney Kirkland in the chest;

Back when the incident happened, and I saw the headline, I didn't know that Kirkland was a male. So I was even more startled by the location of Sloan's contact on the referee's body.

Run-In With Referee Costs Sloan 7 Games - Los Angeles Times

 

[MHSL82]

Karl Malone says he's proud of Jason Collins for coming out

It would have been funny if he had confused the brothers, remarking how he played with Amaechi and Collins, two gay players, only to be corrected that he played with the straight one - to which he'd respond, "no, believe me, Karl played with the gay one..." pause... "maybe dey both be gay?"

 

[nuraman00]

I can't say I wasn't warned.

But I can type it, regardless of its truth.

I wasn't warned of the ridiculous post!

Ok, now that that's out of the way, all women secretly want me to watch their breasts, whether or not they are attached to a thirsty baby or a baby who is not thirsty but there anyway. It's complicated because they have a natural drive to act like they don't want me looking but have to show it so I can see. Then, they have to act disgusted while unbuttoning their shirt.

Some women, I am happy to oblige, and I do. But these damn grandmothers, fatties, and obnoxious women get to me, especially around my wife. I'm trying to look like a loving husband and father. But when I tell them that, they just say I'm their daddy, which is disgusting and humanly impossible without legal adoption. I mean, they can be old enough to be my grandmother and I have to shield myself.

But, sometimes, it's good. But I wish they'd stop acting insulted or disgusted. So what if I drool? They asked for it. Even if they are fully clothed and are wearing a jacket.

I realize this has gotten a bit further than I wanted the joke to go. I'm not a pervert, said in the voice of Richard Nixon.

You know, this whole time, I thought lawyers were the most noblest of professions. People that don't discriminate according to one's body type. They just want to help anyone.

But now, I see that doctors are better. They will look at people of all body types, and all locations on one's body.

So, the new rankings are:

Doctors > good teachers > car salespersons > bad teachers > car insurance salespersons > jingle advertising writers > girl scout cookies sales girls > plumbers > late cable install technicians > auto body repair workers that keep finding things wrong with one's car > cooks that make deceptively fatty foods > drug test sample collectors that smile after collecting your sample > complaining neighbors > Earl Watson > the refs who called fouls in Michael Jordan's favor > the refs who ignored the fouls Dennis Rodman was committing > the refs who called fouls on Malone or Stockton > Courtney Kirkland > the Warriors who kept beating the Jazz in the 1st round > the Jazz fan who wore the license plate "Jazz Fan" (because he allegedly was a scalper, according to rumors on message boards) > lawyers such as MHSL82.

 

[MHSL82]

You know, this whole time, I thought lawyers were the most noblest of professions. People that don't discriminate according to one's body type. They just want to help anyone.

But now, I see that doctors are better. They will look at people of all body types, and all locations on one's body.

So, the new rankings are:

Doctors > good teachers > car salespersons > bad teachers > car insurance salespersons > jingle advertising writers > girl scout cookies sales girls > plumbers > late cable install technicians > auto body repair workers that keep finding things wrong with one's car > cooks that make deceptively fatty foods > drug test sample collectors that smile after collecting your sample > complaining neighbors > Earl Watson > the refs who called fouls in Michael Jordan's favor > the refs who ignored the fouls Dennis Rodman was committing > the refs who called fouls on Malone or Stockton > Courtney Kirkland > the Warriors who kept beating the Jazz in the 1st round > the Jazz fan who wore the license plate "Jazz Fan" (because he allegedly was a scalper, according to rumors on message boards) > lawyers such as MHSL82.

You don't understand. It's my compassion that tells me that these grandmothers, fatties, and obnoxious women should not want me to stare at them because they are people of which I should have such admiration and respect for. Fatties are happy to eat, so I admire that guiltless eating, but I feel bad for the guilt they feel after eating - this makes me all the more admiring. Grandmothers, well, they're older, so they must be better. If they were younger, they are sinners, but once their kids have kids, all bad stuff is gone and I should honor them because of their age. Now, older women who I have no idea whether they have grandchildren or younger women who are grandmothers due to looking young or having kids early who have kids early, I have to err on the side of respect - unless they're MILFs (limited window of opportunity - and unfortunately mostly troubled if they had kids at 14 and their kids had kids at 14, too). Obnoxious women, let's just say I am envious of their freedom to do what they want. I am crazy and annoying at times, but obnoxious? I wish! I wouldn't want these groups to think that I should be checking them out. I respect them too much.

Now, hotties, MILFs, and legal-aged models (those who are aged illegally are terrible - only a few models can be aged), I respect them so much that I feel that if I don't look I will be offending them, making them so uncomfortable that I'm not giving them the attention they are so used to.

 

[nuraman00]

We're both robots because good things come in pairs, like John Stockton and Diet Pepsi; or Karl Malone, and Hardees fried chicken; or Jerry Sloan, and getting seven game suspensions for pushing Courtney Kirkland in the chest; or your kids and the secret nicknames you have for your kids (Skittles and M&M's; or Skittles and Reeses Pieces; or Skittles and Butterfinger BBs'; or Skittles and Cadbury Gems; or whatever secret nickname you gave your second embryo, can you share what it was? ).


We're both robots because good things come in pairs, and since you're a robot, you need a robot friend, so I'm your robot friend.

If I didn't know about the commercials I would have thought the pairs were: John Stockton and Karl Malone; Hardees and Diet Pepsi, or Jerry Sloan and John Deere tractors. Or Courtney Kirkland and Kirkney Courtland.


Yes, I can share the secret nickname my wife and I gave my second embryo. She had the first, so the second is all mine!

The placeholder name is Amore - for two reasons. One it involves letters that we wanted, not necessarily names but mean something and not necessarily in order. Second, we wanted it to mean love or something good (Skittles, the one we used for our first daughter, was phonetic - check your Facebook if you want to see it). However, the word "love" is overused when it comes to these type of placeholder names (or so said somebody I know). The word in my wife's language is too few letters and I couldn't get one that could not also mean "lover", not good. So we had to choose another language: Italian. Amore means love in Italian, obviously. I thought the song would catch on, but it never did for us. The lyrics are not significant, but take a look at the description for them if you are interested. (You have to go to YouTube to see it by clicking the YouTube sign on the player to see the description.)

The usual pairs involving your kids would be Skittles and Amore; or MHSL82 and Mrs. MHSL82; or Mrs. MHSL82 and Skittles; MHSL82 and Amore.

But since you liked my creative ones from earlier (I think you liked them), here are the creative pairs involving your kids:

Skittles and falling down, or Skittles and accidentally getting hurt.

Amore and pretending to be a boy. (I could post a YouTube of a random kid doing pretending to be a boy, but can't do that right now, will find one later. It will probably involve someone pretending to go to the bathroom like her brother). (Also I'll watch your YouTube then too, since I will have committed myself to spending time on YouTube, so watching your clip will fall into that allotted time).

 

[MHSL82]

Whom among my list do you like the most, or do you have any others I haven't thought of?

SVG has said no to a few offers already.

I'd go with Collins, Skiles, or Flip.

NOOOOOOOOOO Byron Scott. I'd stop watching the Jazz if they got him, unless he adequately addressed the calling Malone heartless and a coat-tail rider. Malone did that one year, Scott did that all his career. And no, if you were good at your role, you're still a coat-tail rider if you call out a Hall Of Famer, even a guy as controversial as Malone. You're a coach? Then, shut the hell up.

P.S. Yes, even if you stay on the same team or were on the same team when your team wins, you're a coat-tail rider. You might not be as guilty as one who switches teams, but to act like you accomplished something when someone else won it for you, give me a break. There were several other players who could have replaced you and they would still have won.

 

[MHSL82]

By-the-way, I don't know Scott's career well. He may have a big game in the playoffs or a clutch shot here or there, but unless he was Magic or Kareem, he's < Malone and a coat-tail rider.

 

[MHSL82]

So, my count is Mark Jackson and Byron Scott for coaches I don't like. I would have liked Jackson if he wasn't bad to Stockton. I don't care what you read, he was.

I don't like Bruce Bowen because that's not my style (dirty) and I don't like bowties. I don't care how dirty Stockton and Malone was, they are obviously an exception for me and they are better than Bowen. No, talent doesn't excuse dirtiness, being a Jazz player does.

I don't like Duncan as a PF, but I like him as a person (despite his marriage trouble) and I like him as a center. If they had called him a center, I wouldn't have ever built this non-like for him as a PF (not dislike). Again, I respect him, but his stats are worse than Malone's and declining. We've discussed the pros and cons, the supporting cast, the defense vs. offense, the touches, the passing, the minutes, the coaching, etc. There's an argument both ways, but only mine is right. I have no argument against him as a center. People do think he's classier and fundamentaler than he is because of his big eyes and they ignore his whining.

But I don't dislike Duncan. I dislike KG, all of him. But that's the same as Bowen (not dirty, but attitude) and Duncan (I know he did a lot, but I felt sometimes it was over-valued). I did root for him in Minnesota when not playing against us. Couldn't stand him in Boston because it was only then when I learned of his on-court persona.

And Fisher! I dislike him as a player, person, and player representative. Don't think I need to go over this again. If you wish to be reminded, check out the same thread (I think) as the Duncan conversation.

 

[nuraman00]

NOOOOOOOOOO Byron Scott. I'd stop watching the Jazz if they got him, unless he adequately addressed the calling Malone heartless and a coat-tail rider. Malone did that one year, Scott did that all his career. And no, if you were good at your role, you're still a coat-tail rider if you call out a Hall Of Famer, even a guy as controversial as Malone. You're a coach? Then, shut the hell up.

P.S. Yes, even if you stay on the same team or were on the same team when your team wins, you're a coat-tail rider. You might not be as guilty as one who switches teams, but to act like you accomplished something when someone else won it for you, give me a break. There were several other players who could have replaced you and they would still have won.

When did Scott say that?

Link?

 

[nuraman00]

So, my count is Mark Jackson and Byron Scott for coaches I don't like. I would have liked Jackson if he wasn't bad to Stockton. I don't care what you read, he was.

I don't like Bruce Bowen because that's not my style (dirty) and I don't like bowties. I don't care how dirty Stockton and Malone was, they are obviously an exception for me and they are better than Bowen. No, talent doesn't excuse dirtiness, being a Jazz player does.

I don't like Duncan as a PF, but I like him as a person (despite his marriage trouble) and I like him as a center. If they had called him a center, I wouldn't have ever built this non-like for him as a PF (not dislike). Again, I respect him, but his stats are worse than Malone's and declining. We've discussed the pros and cons, the supporting cast, the defense vs. offense, the touches, the passing, the minutes, the coaching, etc. There's an argument both ways, but only mine is right. I have no argument against him as a center. People do think he's classier and fundamentaler than he is because of his big eyes and they ignore his whining.

But I don't dislike Duncan. I dislike KG, all of him. But that's the same as Bowen (not dirty, but attitude) and Duncan (I know he did a lot, but I felt sometimes it was over-valued). I did root for him in Minnesota when not playing against us. Couldn't stand him in Boston because it was only then when I learned of his on-court persona.

And Fisher! I dislike him as a player, person, and player representative. Don't think I need to go over this again. If you wish to be reminded, check out the same thread (I think) as the Duncan conversation.

Was anyone considering Bowen, Duncan, Garnett, or Fisher as possible head coaches for 2013-2014?

 

[MHSL82]

When did Scott say that?

Link?

Based on the video, Scott has a right to dislike Malone, he was guilty, too. I can't say he's more or less guilty, because I don't know what was said or done, the video doesn't show it. He likely responded to something Scott said, but take for instance, if what Scott had said was the heartless comment and that sparked it, Scott can't be excused from the heartless comment because that would have come before the heat of the confrontation. But just as he can dislike Malone, I have a right to dislike Scott and not want him as our coach. His comments about coat-tail riding came in the press conference.

 

[MHSL82]

Based on the video, Scott has a right to dislike Malone, he was guilty, too. I can't say he's more or less guilty, because I don't know what was said or done, the video doesn't show it. He likely responded to something Scott said, but take for instance, if what Scott had said was the heartless comment and that sparked it, Scott can't be excused from the heartless comment because that would have come before the heat of the confrontation. But just as he can dislike Malone, I have a right to dislike Scott and not want him as our coach. His comments about coat-tail riding came in the press conference.

According to the YouTube author, "Malone took exception to the manner in which Byron Scott separated Jazz guard John Crotty and Nets forward Kenyon Martin -- who were involved in a scrum for a loose ball on the floor (1:07-mark) . Malone responded by firmly guiding/pushing Scott back towards the New Jersey bench, resulting in Dick Bavetta, Jerry Sloan and the cavalry rushing in to separate everyone before the situation could escalate further.

The incident appeared to incite Malone - who erupted in the 3rd-qtr. In a 5-min stretch, Malone exploded for 12 points including a:
-facial dunk on Todd McCullough (1:59-mark)
-3pt-play over Keith Van Horn (2:33-mark)
-fastbreak hammer dunk (2:42-mark)
-3pt-play off pick&roll (3:00-mark)"

Malone was defending a teammate. Not sure if it was necessary, just saying it wasn't him defending himself after a coach thinking he did something dirty. With Malone, that could have been the reason. In this case, it wasn't.

 

[nuraman00]

Based on the video, Scott has a right to dislike Malone, he was guilty, too. I can't say he's more or less guilty, because I don't know what was said or done, the video doesn't show it. He likely responded to something Scott said, but take for instance, if what Scott had said was the heartless comment and that sparked it, Scott can't be excused from the heartless comment because that would have come before the heat of the confrontation. But just as he can dislike Malone, I have a right to dislike Scott and not want him as our coach. His comments about coat-tail riding came in the press conference.

Thanks. I'll watch this soon.

 

[Sackataters]

What do you guys think of the Karl Malone part time hiring?

 

[MHSL82]

What do you guys think of the Karl Malone part time hiring?

Great! He could help our guys, whoever re-signs, and keeps him from joining Hornacek's team. if Hornacek didn't really want him, it saves the awkward non-signing. I like that it is part-time, as I think more could be a problem, perhaps (maybe not).

You should read the Salt Lake Tribune's Gordon Monson's argument for hiring him. It lists a lot of pros and cons.

The Return Of Karl Malone

 

[MHSL82]

Greg Miller and Malone have had public spats before. Malone has gone to the press publicly wondering outloud why he hasn't been asked to help, stating that he would be up for helping the team if they wanted. In the press conference, Miller said:

"With his success as a power forward in the NBA and the length of his career, he's obviously got a lot to teach," Miller said of Malone. "We're fortunate that he's now willing to make himself and his expertise available to us."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that sounds like a shot or an insinuation that Malone wasn't willing before. I suppose he could have asked for more than a part-time job or wanted more money. But I feel he's a person who would have always wanted to share his expertise from the very beginning. Perhaps because he has a big ego or vanity, but still, always available, IMO.

Utah Jazz great Karl Malone to work with Derrick Favors, Enes Kanter - ESPN

 

[MHSL82]

Right after the Jazz announce that they've hired Karl on a part-time basis, the Sacramento Kings Hire Malone as Head Coach full-time.

 

[nuraman00]

Great! He could help our guys, whoever re-signs, and keeps him from joining Hornacek's team. if Hornacek didn't really want him, it saves the awkward non-signing. I like that it is part-time, as I think more could be a problem, perhaps (maybe not).

Hyping up Hornacek as a coach a little too much. There is nothing appealing about him as a coach, other than the fact that Malone played with him.

He wasn't a highly sought assistant. 26 other teams wouldn't have hired him if they had a choice. Most wouldn't have even interviewed him.

Phoenix basically made a move to sell tickets to fans, who would think that "hey, he used to be a good player, maybe he'll make a good coach!" It was a cheap hire from a not highly sought after coach. If the Suns were serious about a coach, they would have hired someone other teams actually want too, or a veteran coach.

I'd say the same thing if Hornacek was hired by the Jazz. It was designed to sell hope. There were a lot of better options out there.

Hornacek wasn't highly regarded. He isn't going to come up with an innovative offense or defense, an will probably stick with something basic that fits his team.

 

[MHSL82]

It wouldn't be odd if Jerry resigned because he needed a break, and now wants to get back into coaching. Then it would just be because he needed some time off to recoup from the NBA grind.

However, there have been 22 vacancies since he stepped down. Most have reached out to him. The fact that they haven't hired him, means that they feel Jerry isn't really back into coaching, or they don't think he can handle the traveling / health issues. They don't think he has the energy and stamina. They don't want someone with 40% of the fire he used to have.

Jerry was old when he stepped down as is. Only 3 other coaches were older when they stopped coaching. The traveling and health gets to them, IMO.

He's turned some down or stepped away - though a few of those may be because he saw the writing on the wall? I don't know. I'd like him back. I'd go up or down with that ship - or more like consistently stay above average and not win (we didn't with Malone and Stock and now we have neither).