MI Nightmare
Slow Roller
Each offensive unit runs a total of 50 plays...no more no less. If the game results in a tie, so be it.
Only while wearing a fur coat.
Fuck it, just cancel football. Apparently it's too difficult for defenses.
With all the rules changes of the past few years, I'd say it was the opposite of that.
Accidentally hit an offensive player in the head - ejected from the game. Fuck that, bring back the times when a receiver was scared to go across the middle, when QB's had to take a sack rather than throw the ball away every play.
If the players don't want to get hit in the head, they can just go to the ground rather than try and get a few extra yards. Don't play WR if you can't handle being hit when catching the ball, and take your ass to soccer if you can't take a sack/hit.
I got a few rules that will continue the pussifisafetycation of football.
1. Every team will be required to run 2 HUNH offensive series in each half. In order to limit contact between players, and in order to avoid injuries, this rule will be implemented for player safety.
2. Defenses will be required to do Up Downs during the time between snaps without being allowed to substitute. We don't want anybody to get hit too hard, so the more tired we keep the defense, the better it is for everybody.
3. Every team will be required to have different jerseys for each game. These jerseys must be approved by Uniform Coordinator Richard Simmons. The shinier the helmet and more closely the jersey looks like a hi-liter the better. We may reward points for "sharpest jersey" at a later point in time.
4. We will no longer have OL and DL. They just get in the way of everybody else, and since we are speeding up the game, they are now useless. 7-on-7 football is what people want to see, so we will eliminate the guys people call "the big uglies".
5. Tackling will no longer be allowed. We'll start with 2 hand touch below the waist because we want it to be more difficult for defenses.
6. We will only have 3 downs, and the field will be 65 yards wide and 110 yards long. The End Zones will be 20 yards deep.
7. Punting and kicking are eliminated. Teams will start on their own 25 for each possession.
8. Trent Dilfer will be everybody's All-Time Starting QB.
So Nebraska doesn't get to have cheerleaders anymore?