Bad season joke thread 2015

[AceKeptic]

Since this team has decided to go Caitlyn instead of Bruce (I didn't come up with that one), I think it's time to use this skid to whip up a thread, since I'm sure we've heard some new jokes on them by now.

Guess I'll start:

What do these groups have in common?

Ultravox
Alphaville
Clan of Xymox

Bands from the '80s who, while not well-heard around here, STILL have had more hits than any of our batters!

 

[packerzrule]

It's that effin Rickie Weeks I tell ya

 

[cezero]

How many Mariners second basemen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: Ooh, look at that guy in center field with the camera. Is he taking a picture of me? Oh, dear Mary, mother of Haysoos, I hope he is. Is it a Mariners fan or a Rays fan, I wonder? If it's a Mariners fan, I shouldn't smile. They might think I'm happy here, when I'm actually home sick for New York. I miss REAL mangú. They don't make that shit up here in Seattle, where plantains are just nowehere to be found. I could eat a whole plate full of arañitas right now. And conconetes. Yum yum. I wonder if 9 years from now, when I'm finally done in this blanca food world of the Pacific Northwest, would the Yankees take me back? Yeah, probably not. But if they did, I would make sure to get a guarantee that fresh arañitas were ready for me before and after every home game.

 

[boogiewithstu2007]

How do you stop a dynasty ? .... Trade Tino Martinez, Jeff Nelson, Jim Mecir to the Yankees, for Russ Davis and Sterling Hitchcock.... Then have a Griffey bobble head night promotion in celebration of your accomplishments .... OH, and pop champaign when the Yankees win the world series the next season!! Go Mariners baseball!!

 

[Anointed One]

One hit wonders from the 80's who had more hits,

"Jessie's Girl", Rick Springfield
"Cars", Gary Newman
"Pacman Fever", Buckner
"Fantasy", Alda Nova
"Mickie", Tony Basil
"Relax", Frankie Goes to Hollywood
"Supersonic", JJ Fad
"Pump up the volume", Marrs

 

[AceKeptic]

What do you call a newspaper headline showing a Mariners' win?

A COLLECTOR'S ITEM

 

[Anointed One]

"Seattle Mariners, WORLD SERIES CHAMPS!"

... a book never written...

 

[Anointed One]

What does Billy Graham and the Seattle Mariners have in common?

They both can get 40,000 people to stand up and yell, "Jesus Christ"!

 

[cezero]

http://blog.thenewstribune.com/mariners/files/2015/03/Screen-Shot-2015-03-24-at-9.09.35-AM.png

 

[unlvmariners]

I have a buddy whom has been in several car wrecks. Today he texted me and told me his plan for when he gets his car back from the shop because of his latest incident. This is what he said, "I am going to put a Mariners bumper sticker on my car. I'll never have to worry about hitting anything again."

 

[cezero]

Rhetorical joke.

Which team still calls itself a major league team while scoring 21 runs in 11 games?

 

[SeattleCoug]

Cruz left today's game with back spasms. I guess a back injury is bound to happen when you have to carry an offense all season.

 

[cezero]

i'm very selective with my winner medals

well-deserved

 

[unlvmariners]

Cruz left today's game with back spasms. I guess a back injury is bound to happen when you have to carry an offense all season.

Boom!!! You win!

 

[AceKeptic]

Well, now I hear we have perfect team chemistry at last!

Et tu, Felix?

 

[AceKeptic]

 

[cezero]

Emanski could maybe turn the M's into an effective team if he put on a purple dinosaur costume and remade his instructional videos.

Yeah, that was bad. But it's kind of perfect for a Mariners joke thread if you really think about it.

 

[AceKeptic]

I hear that Fernando Rodney is due to receive distinctive honors after this season.

He's being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Lame.

 

[PolarVortex]

Never heard a single reference to the notorius Pacific Northwest marine layer until 2004.

 

[AceKeptic]

The difference between Safeco Field and Emerald Downs?

One place has geldings who know how to perform!