A Gronking to Remember

[wildturkey]

Rob Gronkowski Erotica Is Here and It?s... Something - Patriots - Boston.com

Check out these sure to be best sellers. What that story left out is Lacey Noonan is actually a pen name of our very own Hammerdown. "Sources" close to the situation say Hammer's constant trolling of Pats fans is just to cover up his secret life of writing Gronk pron novels.

 

[sonnyblack65]

Rob Gronkowski Erotica Is Here and It?s... Something - Patriots - Boston.com

Check out these sure to be best sellers. What that story left out is Lacey Noonan is actually a pen name of our very own Hammerdown. "Sources" close to the situation say Hammer's constant trolling of Pats fans is just to cover up his secret life of writing Gronk pron novels.

Hammer can you get me an autographed book signed pls. Actually I know Gronk's roomate Bobby Goon so I'm all set

 

[BUD]

A novelist.. Hammer, you never cease to amaze us

 

[Iggloo]

To think, this would have been a bestseller among Pats fans

Amazon has pulled an erotic novel called "A Gronking to Remember" due to apparent objections by the league about a cover featuring Rob Gronkowski's likeness. Fortunately the cover of this literary masterwork did not feature little Gronkowski.

A description:

Lacey Noonan's A Gronking to Remember makes 50 Shades of Grey look like Madame Bovary in terms of its literary sophistication. The clichés about football-obsessed husbands and frustrated wives are pretty heavy-handed. Early on, the sexual protagonist complains that her Molson-drinking husband is pretty much an incompetent Neanderthal. Of course, he is also a Jets fan, which is why he is so angry, pigheaded, and sexually inept, a fact that Noonan, who is a Patriots fan, hits readers over the head with quite a few times.

That said, I did appreciate the use of “butt fumble” to describe how the protagonist's husband falls against the wall when he's unable to sexually perform. As the protagonist gets herself off in front of her impotent husband, she moans “Oh, Gronky.” It's about as subtle as being tackled by J.J. Watt.


Actual passages from the book:

Leigh’s Dumb Husband Dan is a Jets Fan
“'This is a Jets house and this has always been a Jets house!' Dan shouted, angry. Why the hell was he so angry?” (16)

“Dan...squeezes my hand and looks me deep in the eyes. 'I’ve just been so lost lately. I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s actually just because I’m a Jets fan or my head’s all muzzy from watching so much football on TV.'” (52)

So, She Escapes to the Library For Some Gronkalicious Web Time

“I would sneak away to a dark corner of the library and fire up a computer. I’d google info on Gronkowski, check his stats, read his bio, watch some videos, then rub one out right then and there in the library—let jiggly ribbons of lady-sensuality cavort on my body, strangle me, swallow me whole and annihilate me in its pink and roiling.” (24)
?A Gronking to Remember? Speed Read: 8 Naughtiest Bits - The Daily Beast

 

[PatsFan2003]

Pretty funny.

 

[HammerDown]

Reflects poorly on Pats fans.

I'm embarrassed.

 

[Podunkparte]

Still waiting for the Aaron Hernandez Erotica:

Double Tap to my Loins

 

[LogicMan]

Hammer is a female local right here in New England? Starting to explain the deep local knowledge on Boston sports topics. Turkey pulling the curtain.....

 

[TxHeat]

Rob Gronkowski Erotica Is Here and It?s... Something - Patriots - Boston.com

Check out these sure to be best sellers. What that story left out is Lacey Noonan is actually a pen name of our very own Hammerdown. "Sources" close to the situation say Hammer's constant trolling of Pats fans is just to cover up his secret life of writing Gronk pron novels.

further proof that you CAN be anyone and anything you want to be on the internet.

 

[Inquisitor95]

“I Don’t Care If My Best Friend’s Mom is a Sasquatch, She’s Hot and I’m Taking a Shower With Her.”



Suddenly it all makes sense.

 

[Iggloo]

How many times is the word wicked featured in this book?

 

[Jonas_steven]

Gronk Erotica???

I have no idea if this story has been posted already but here it is! As if the pat fans needed something else to jerk off to outside of their tom Brady fathead...

LOOK: Someone has written an erotica novel about Rob Gronkowski

 

[darken65]

 

[{+}Mother-Marge{+}]

....a great read,.....I bought the whole series,......he's the ~Fabio~ of the NFL,.....*sigh/pant/faint*

 

[BusSport]

I have no idea if this story has been posted already but here it is!

Third time this has been posted. Second time was already merged into the original thread:

http://www.sportshoopla.com/forums/...eral-discussion/177797-gronking-remember.html

 

[whywork2]

Maybe this thread should be merged with the Shia Labeouf video for some of you pervs.

 

[Voltaire26]

It's even the subject of a book club

 

[whywork2]

I think it's become a new verb... Gronking. I gave my girl a good gronking and then she fell fast asleep.