What we didn't ask for, a Willy Wonka musical prequel

[Battlelyon]

Timothée Chalamet to play Willy Wonka in origins movie

Oscar nominee will follow in the footsteps of Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp with role of the chocolate maker in Roald Dahl’s Wonka

www.theguardian.com

 

[Sharkonabicycle]

Man they need to go horror genre with Wonka. I think it'd be a good twist.

Like the kids are turned into candy and the Oompa Loompas start to eat them! Like a gummy bear where kids are STRETCHED and split in half and stuff! And the blueberry chick EXPLODES and the Loompas start eating her purple blueberry insides! And Veruca is turned into a wall and has her SKIN LICKED OFF while the Loompas taunt her about schnazberries. The parents try to rescue them, but Wonka creates a giant gingerbread house and traps them inside with candy cane spikes, exploding giant pop rocks, marshmallow ghosts that consume people like the Blob! AND gummy worms but they have vicious teeth and can squeeze between walls!

Then Charlie is ready to escape after everyone is mercilessly slaughtered... he grinds a giant lollipop into an axe, cuts off the face of an Oompa Loompa he kills and puts it on Hannibal Lector style and approaches Wonka... Wonka suspects something but it's too late and Charlie shoves a bottle of Fizzy Lifting drink up Wonkas ass and then says, "This drink is on me." And SLAMS it with the Lollipop axe! The bottle explodes inside Wonka who ROCKETS into the fan above and is blown apart. There's a HUGE explosion and earthquake (naturally) and the FX sequence takes at least 30 seconds. Charlie walks into Wonka's office... covered in blood and guts.... Oompa Loompas are there... they bow to him... Charlie looks over and his Mom is standing there... YES, the poor mother... she is proud of Charlie and says that Wonka sexually violated her 10 years ago and Charlie was the result... Wonka kept them living in poverty but knew as Charlie got older he'd realize/figure out the truth, so had to kill him before he got older.... The other kids were simply casualties to ensure Charlie was not suspicious.. as his mother often negatively talked about Wonka...

She goes on to state that now Charlie can run the factory for good, not evil. Charlie says, "Sure Mom....." before slowly panning to his face showing that he INTENDS to continue the killing that he has now grown to love!

Roll credits. This is naturally rated R for violence, language and STRONG NUDITY (yes we get to see Oompa Loompas sexually engaging with the gummy entrails of the fat kid after they pull him from the choco river).

 

[DragonfromTO]

Man they need to go horror genre with Wonka. I think it'd be a good twist.

Like the kids are turned into candy and the Oompa Loompas start to eat them! Like a gummy bear where kids are STRETCHED and split in half and stuff! And the blueberry chick EXPLODES and the Loompas start eating her purple blueberry insides! And Veruca is turned into a wall and has her SKIN LICKED OFF while the Loompas taunt her about schnazberries. The parents try to rescue them, but Wonka creates a giant gingerbread house and traps them inside with candy cane spikes, exploding giant pop rocks, marshmallow ghosts that consume people like the Blob! AND gummy worms but they have vicious teeth and can squeeze between walls!

Then Charlie is ready to escape after everyone is mercilessly slaughtered... he grinds a giant lollipop into an axe, cuts off the face of an Oompa Loompa he kills and puts it on Hannibal Lector style and approaches Wonka... Wonka suspects something but it's too late and Charlie shoves a bottle of Fizzy Lifting drink up Wonkas ass and then says, "This drink is on me." And SLAMS it with the Lollipop axe! The bottle explodes inside Wonka who ROCKETS into the fan above and is blown apart. There's a HUGE explosion and earthquake (naturally) and the FX sequence takes at least 30 seconds. Charlie walks into Wonka's office... covered in blood and guts.... Oompa Loompas are there... they bow to him... Charlie looks over and his Mom is standing there... YES, the poor mother... she is proud of Charlie and says that Wonka sexually violated her 10 years ago and Charlie was the result... Wonka kept them living in poverty but knew as Charlie got older he'd realize/figure out the truth, so had to kill him before he got older.... The other kids were simply casualties to ensure Charlie was not suspicious.. as his mother often negatively talked about Wonka...

She goes on to state that now Charlie can run the factory for good, not evil. Charlie says, "Sure Mom....." before slowly panning to his face showing that he INTENDS to continue the killing that he has now grown to love!

Roll credits. This is naturally rated R for violence, language and STRONG NUDITY (yes we get to see Oompa Loompas sexually engaging with the gummy entrails of the fat kid after they pull him from the choco river).

You wrote Grandpa Joe out?

I never liked him anyway, that old fucker couldn't get out of bed and get a job to help out the struggling family but when it's freebie Golden Ticket time he jumps up and around all full of vigor? Freeloading asshole.