Pat Burrell's deal

[tzill]

From McCovey Chronicles:

Burrell's agent: We're opening up the bidding.

Every AL Team: We are interested.

Burrell: No DHing. I don't like it.

Every AL Team: We are absolutely not interested.

Burrell's agent: Fine. We like the National League better anyways.

Every NL Team except the Dodgers, Giants, and Padres: We'd rather have you in our IT department than in left field.

Burrell's agent: Uh, well, I'm sure you can start a bidding war between a couple of teams, at least.

Padres: Yeah, maybe we have a little interest.

Burrell's agent: Let's see...if you were to play in Petco Park, you would hit .189 with two home runs in 559 at-bats. That'd be with an OPS+ of 119, but I'm not sure if that's good for a walk year. Hold tight while I go to the bathroom, and we'll discuss this offer.

Dodgers: We are interested in your services. Absolutely. Here's a sack of cash.

Burrell: Hey, cool. Here's something for you, Dodgers. (Grabs crotch menacingly. Drinks Bud Light from a can. Throws can at the Dodgers. Hits on Rhianna. Grabs crotch menacingly again, waggles it in general direction of Los Angeles. Flips off the Dodgers). Mutters something under his breath about Juan Uribe.

Giants: Uh, would you come back for $200K?

Burrell: Yes. Yes, I would.

Giants: Oh, wait, that's against the rules. Here's a million.

Burrell's agent: Okay, I'm back. Now I...wait, why are you shaking hands?

 

[calsnowskier]

I'm OK with this...


;-)

 

[Heathbar012]

Beautiful. Excellent work, tzill. How did you get into those meetings?

Edit: Couldn't rep because I guess I have given you rep recently, but this is very deserving.

 

[msgkings322]

This is all kinds of funny. Rep.

 

[xxERICSMITHXX]

Well done.

 

[SFGRTB]

Grant is a fantastic writer if you are looking for some humor. This piece just adds to it.

But I just like to read it, they get a little too odd for my liking sometimes overthere.

 

[tzill]

Grant is a fantastic writer if you are looking for some humor. This piece just adds to it.

But I just like to read it, they get a little too odd for my liking sometimes overthere.

Agreed. Grant is the best Giants blogger out there BY FAR. The comment threads there are too clubby and self referential.

Or maybe I'm just jealous that I've not been invited in.

 

[SFGRTB]

Or maybe I'm just jealous that I've not been invited in.

This

I feel the same way. I usually don't understand what they are joking about, but overall, I enjoy reading it. Plus, I'm sure people feel the same way about this place

 

[tzill]

This

I feel the same way. I usually don't understand what they are joking about, but overall, I enjoy reading it. Plus, I'm sure people feel the same way about this place

Yeah, but fuck those guys....

 

[calsnowskier]

This

I feel the same way. I usually don't understand what they are joking about, but overall, I enjoy reading it. Plus, I'm sure people feel the same way about this place

Hey, we pay our nominal subscription fee to be a part of this "club"...

I feel like I am back in college at the frat house...

 

[Heathbar012]

Yeah, but fuck those guys....

Raptor Jesus for the cliquey message board banter!

 

[tzill]

Hey, we pay our nominal subscription fee to be a part of this "club"...

I feel like I am back in college at the frat house...

Ahem, can't call a fraternity a frat.

It puts you in a precarious position when referring to your country.

 

[filosofy29]

I like Grant's posts. There's just way too much going on over at McC's Chronicles for me to take the time to try and get acclimated.