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BostonAJ
They fucking won?
I used to get 'em both when I was a kid, but I always found CRACKED to be a little wittier. I stumbled upon their website recently, and it's a whole lot more adult-oriented than I remember. The humor is really "SportsHoopla-esque", too. Here's a slice.
From The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of Terrorism
Glasgow International Airport is the eighth busiest airport in the United Kingdom, and that made it a prime target for Al-Qaeda. Two aspiring recruits decided to take it on, and after an initial embarrassing attempt where--honest to God--their car-bomb got towed, they really buckled down and applied themselves.
On June 30, 2007, these two would-be martyrs loaded propane tanks (it should be noted that this is after Dhiren Barot's trilogy of failure, so clearly terrorists don't keep notes in their Trapper Keepers of terror) into a dark green Jeep Cherokee and set off. The plan, and we use the word loosely here, was to drive straight through the front doors of Glasgow International, hoping that when the car hit a wall, the impact would set off the propane tanks and the result would be catastrophic.
How It Went Wrong:
As the Jeep Cherokee came straight at the airport doors going about 30 miles an hour, the driver apparently failed to realize that there are security bollards (those short vertical posts that are designed to keep vehicles like, say, explosive-laden Jeep Cherokees, from ramming into nice things) outside of just about every federal building nowadays. That's right: they were ambushed by stationary objects, clearly positioned and delineated with bright yellow rings that help make them more visible with the express purpose of making sure people don't accidentally hit them. They didn't even look at the airport beforehand! They just jammed the car into gear and hoped that MapQuest wouldn't steer them wrong.
When their car hit the bollards, the propane tanks (surprisingly just as planned) actually went off! Right in the terrorist's faces! Like 30 feet from the airport! As their car caught fire, one of the terrorists took off to start fistfights (because Momma Terror didn't raise no quitter) and was promptly put down by the police. The other, now currently on fire, ran about for a while doing what people on fire do--which is mostly wishing that they weren't on fire--when this happened:
In the space of about 30 seconds, this man was in a car accident, an explosion, lit aflame and then kicked in the balls with more force than a human foot can technically take.
Future terrorists take note: this is your retirement package.
The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of Terrorism | Cracked.com
That's fucking funny.
From The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of Terrorism
Glasgow International Airport is the eighth busiest airport in the United Kingdom, and that made it a prime target for Al-Qaeda. Two aspiring recruits decided to take it on, and after an initial embarrassing attempt where--honest to God--their car-bomb got towed, they really buckled down and applied themselves.
On June 30, 2007, these two would-be martyrs loaded propane tanks (it should be noted that this is after Dhiren Barot's trilogy of failure, so clearly terrorists don't keep notes in their Trapper Keepers of terror) into a dark green Jeep Cherokee and set off. The plan, and we use the word loosely here, was to drive straight through the front doors of Glasgow International, hoping that when the car hit a wall, the impact would set off the propane tanks and the result would be catastrophic.
How It Went Wrong:
As the Jeep Cherokee came straight at the airport doors going about 30 miles an hour, the driver apparently failed to realize that there are security bollards (those short vertical posts that are designed to keep vehicles like, say, explosive-laden Jeep Cherokees, from ramming into nice things) outside of just about every federal building nowadays. That's right: they were ambushed by stationary objects, clearly positioned and delineated with bright yellow rings that help make them more visible with the express purpose of making sure people don't accidentally hit them. They didn't even look at the airport beforehand! They just jammed the car into gear and hoped that MapQuest wouldn't steer them wrong.
When their car hit the bollards, the propane tanks (surprisingly just as planned) actually went off! Right in the terrorist's faces! Like 30 feet from the airport! As their car caught fire, one of the terrorists took off to start fistfights (because Momma Terror didn't raise no quitter) and was promptly put down by the police. The other, now currently on fire, ran about for a while doing what people on fire do--which is mostly wishing that they weren't on fire--when this happened:
In the space of about 30 seconds, this man was in a car accident, an explosion, lit aflame and then kicked in the balls with more force than a human foot can technically take.
Future terrorists take note: this is your retirement package.
The 5 Most Embarrassing Failures in the History of Terrorism | Cracked.com
That's fucking funny.
