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knowyourenemy
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Team name, W-L record (prior ranking)
32. Miami Dolphins, 0-7 (32): I’ve said this before...but someone should tell the Dolphins that tanking doesn’t work in the NFL.
31. Cincinnati Bengals, 0-8 (30): Benching Andy Dalton on his birthday is the type of move that you’d expect a shitty organization like the Bengals to do.
30. Washington Redskins, 1-7 (31): My neighbor is a Redskins fan and I’m pretty sure the only thing he’s excited about with this team is to see Derrius Guice come back from IR and show the team what he’s got. Sad state of affairs for Washington.
29. Atlanta Falcons, 1-7 (28): If Desean Jackson, Alshon Jeffery, and Dallas Goedert all don’t get hurt for the Falcons game against the Eagles, Atlanta might be in the running for the 1st pick. Damn it.
28. New York Jets, 1-6 (22): The Jets don’t play on Halloween but that doesn’t mean Sam Darnold won’t be seeing some ghosts. Things are falling apart for the Jets. Will Gase be one and done?
27. New York Giants, 2-6 (29): I just picked up Darius Slayton for my fantasy team. Smart move or am I getting desperate?
26. Denver Broncos, 2-6 (21): I’m not sure if Flacco getting hurt is a good thing or a bad thing for this offense.
25. Arizona Cardinals, 3-4-1 (26): The poor Cardinals are about to be slaughtered on Halloween. Maybe Jimmy G will give them a treat and keep them in the game with a couple of interceptions.
24. Cleveland Browns, 2-5 (24): The schedule gets easier so we’re going to learn soon if this team can finally live up to the hype or if they really just suck.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers, 3-4 (23): Can any of their running backs go through a week without having some sort of injury? Trey Edmunds, you’re our only hope.
22. Tennessee Titans, 4-4 (27): Tannehill makes this offense not quite as much of a dumpster fire. They’re maybe only a small trashcan fire now. Hey...progress!
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2-5 (18): The Bucs have had a rough stretch lately. I think it’s time for Jameis to inspire his teammates by sucking on one of his body parts.
20. Los Angeles Chargers, 3-5 (25): Firing Ken Whisenhunt is probably not going to solve this team’s problems.
19. Chicago Bears, 3-4 (13): Pardon the obvious, but Chicago has to fix some things on the offense right now. Missing a FG to lose against the Chargers with the Eagles scheduled in week 9 might be too much for poor Bears fans to handle. I can still hear the double doink.
18. Oakland Raiders, 3-4 (12): Relinquishing an 8-point lead to the Texans in the 4th quarter may prove to be fatal. With a win, the division and wildcard would have been 0.5 games out of reach.
17. Los Angeles Rams, 5-3 (19): Their moves at the deadline reek of desperation. I still don’t think they make the playoffs.
16. Jacksonville Jaguars, 4-4 (20): A lot of people are saying that Nick Foles has lost his job to Gardner Minshew. I’m not so sure. Either way, Jacksonville doesn’t want this to turn into a dick measuring contest, because we know who will win and I don’t think Minshew could ever recover from that sort of blow to his confidence.
15. Carolina Panthers, 4-3 (14): I wouldn’t want to face this team after what happened in San Francisco. Tennessee is about to get their wheels blown off. Or...maybe not. I really don’t know what to think of this team.
14. Detroit Lions, 3-3-1 (9): This team is close. Failing to land a running back at the trade deadline may come back to haunt them. With rumors of Darius Slay being on the block, it sounds like their may be some discord in the front office and they don’t know whether to be buyers or sellers. Instead, they may be stuck in no man’s land. Never a good place to be.
13. Baltimore Ravens, 5-2 (17): They FINALLY beat a good team!!!
12. Dallas Cowboys, 4-3 (16): If it’s possible to lose during a bye week, the Cowboys just did that. They traded for a washed up malcontent, failed to land any big names at the trade deadline, and watched their division rival beat the piss out of one of the top teams in the league. At this point, nobody even remembers what they did the week prior to their bye.
11. Houston Texans, 5-3 (15): As long as Bill O’Brien is the coach of this team, I promise that they will never crack my top 10.
10. Buffalo Bills, 5-2 (4): Remember when the Eagles fired Sean McDermott as defensive coordinator and replaced him with an offensive line coach? That was probably a bad idea. Regardless, the Bills should realize that losing to two of the best teams in the league is nothing to be ashamed of.
9. Philadelphia Eagles, 4-4 (8): That was a complete team effort ass kicking of the Bills on Sunday. As predicted, the back-to-back embarrassing losses have woken this team up. The question is whether 12-4 will be enough for a first round bye.
8. Kansas City Chiefs, 5-3 (5): Without Mahomes, this team is pedestrian. Probably still good enough to win the AFC West, but they need him back at 100% to win in the playoffs, which is why they shouldn’t rush him back until after their bye. My stance has nothing to do with the fact I could face him in fantasy in week 11.
7. Seattle Seahawks, 6-2 (7): The Seahawks have played two games against teams in the top-half of the rankings and they’re both losses. I don’t even know why I have them ranked this high.
6. Indianapolis Colts, 5-2 (11): The first team to beat the Chiefs this season with a healthy Patrick Mahomes, the Colts find ways to win games. The hallmark of a good, well-coached team.
5. Green Bay Packers, 7-1 (10): Like the Seahawks, the Packers are bolstered by phenomenal play from their franchise quarterback. Rodgers is the king of wowing us with his spectacular play while still finding a way to lose games in the playoffs. Remember, at 9-7 he has the same playoff record as Donovan McNabb, though the self-declared Hall of Famer McNabb is probably impressed.
4. Minnesota Vikings, 6-2 (6): There was a time when the Vikings looked like things were starting to unravel. They’re now a pick ‘em against the Chiefs in Arrowhead. We know that the Vikings will eventually choke...but you’ve got to give them credit while the hot streak lasts.
3. New Orleans Saints, 7-1 (2): Drew Brees is back and the Saints should get Kamara back after their bye week. Some teams complain about injuries. The Saints literally lost two of their top players and just keep winning. Plus, Brees got a chance to rest his arm, which we know looked terrible down the stretch and in the playoffs last year.
2. New England Patriots, 8-0 (1): You can never count Tom Brady and Bill Belichick out, even when their team is virtually giftwrapped an 8-0 start. The best QB that they’ve faced is probably Daniel Jones or Baker Mayfield. What we’ve seen recently is that the defense may be susceptible to an effective running game. The first sign of a chink in the armor? Perhaps, but it’s probably not enough to matter. Unless they seriously falter, homefield advantage in the playoffs is pretty much a done deal.
1. San Francisco 49ers, 7-0 (3): With Emmanuel Sanders joining a group of young, talented receivers, a stable of productive running backs, and George Kittle, this offense has a number of ways to beat you. But forget about the offense and Jimmy G (the “G” stands for giveaway), this defense has the tools to be historically good. They absolutely dismantled a Carolina team that had scored 34+ in 3 of its last 4 games.
32. Miami Dolphins, 0-7 (32): I’ve said this before...but someone should tell the Dolphins that tanking doesn’t work in the NFL.
31. Cincinnati Bengals, 0-8 (30): Benching Andy Dalton on his birthday is the type of move that you’d expect a shitty organization like the Bengals to do.
30. Washington Redskins, 1-7 (31): My neighbor is a Redskins fan and I’m pretty sure the only thing he’s excited about with this team is to see Derrius Guice come back from IR and show the team what he’s got. Sad state of affairs for Washington.
29. Atlanta Falcons, 1-7 (28): If Desean Jackson, Alshon Jeffery, and Dallas Goedert all don’t get hurt for the Falcons game against the Eagles, Atlanta might be in the running for the 1st pick. Damn it.
28. New York Jets, 1-6 (22): The Jets don’t play on Halloween but that doesn’t mean Sam Darnold won’t be seeing some ghosts. Things are falling apart for the Jets. Will Gase be one and done?
27. New York Giants, 2-6 (29): I just picked up Darius Slayton for my fantasy team. Smart move or am I getting desperate?
26. Denver Broncos, 2-6 (21): I’m not sure if Flacco getting hurt is a good thing or a bad thing for this offense.
25. Arizona Cardinals, 3-4-1 (26): The poor Cardinals are about to be slaughtered on Halloween. Maybe Jimmy G will give them a treat and keep them in the game with a couple of interceptions.
24. Cleveland Browns, 2-5 (24): The schedule gets easier so we’re going to learn soon if this team can finally live up to the hype or if they really just suck.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers, 3-4 (23): Can any of their running backs go through a week without having some sort of injury? Trey Edmunds, you’re our only hope.
22. Tennessee Titans, 4-4 (27): Tannehill makes this offense not quite as much of a dumpster fire. They’re maybe only a small trashcan fire now. Hey...progress!
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2-5 (18): The Bucs have had a rough stretch lately. I think it’s time for Jameis to inspire his teammates by sucking on one of his body parts.
20. Los Angeles Chargers, 3-5 (25): Firing Ken Whisenhunt is probably not going to solve this team’s problems.
19. Chicago Bears, 3-4 (13): Pardon the obvious, but Chicago has to fix some things on the offense right now. Missing a FG to lose against the Chargers with the Eagles scheduled in week 9 might be too much for poor Bears fans to handle. I can still hear the double doink.
18. Oakland Raiders, 3-4 (12): Relinquishing an 8-point lead to the Texans in the 4th quarter may prove to be fatal. With a win, the division and wildcard would have been 0.5 games out of reach.
17. Los Angeles Rams, 5-3 (19): Their moves at the deadline reek of desperation. I still don’t think they make the playoffs.
16. Jacksonville Jaguars, 4-4 (20): A lot of people are saying that Nick Foles has lost his job to Gardner Minshew. I’m not so sure. Either way, Jacksonville doesn’t want this to turn into a dick measuring contest, because we know who will win and I don’t think Minshew could ever recover from that sort of blow to his confidence.
15. Carolina Panthers, 4-3 (14): I wouldn’t want to face this team after what happened in San Francisco. Tennessee is about to get their wheels blown off. Or...maybe not. I really don’t know what to think of this team.
14. Detroit Lions, 3-3-1 (9): This team is close. Failing to land a running back at the trade deadline may come back to haunt them. With rumors of Darius Slay being on the block, it sounds like their may be some discord in the front office and they don’t know whether to be buyers or sellers. Instead, they may be stuck in no man’s land. Never a good place to be.
13. Baltimore Ravens, 5-2 (17): They FINALLY beat a good team!!!
12. Dallas Cowboys, 4-3 (16): If it’s possible to lose during a bye week, the Cowboys just did that. They traded for a washed up malcontent, failed to land any big names at the trade deadline, and watched their division rival beat the piss out of one of the top teams in the league. At this point, nobody even remembers what they did the week prior to their bye.
11. Houston Texans, 5-3 (15): As long as Bill O’Brien is the coach of this team, I promise that they will never crack my top 10.
10. Buffalo Bills, 5-2 (4): Remember when the Eagles fired Sean McDermott as defensive coordinator and replaced him with an offensive line coach? That was probably a bad idea. Regardless, the Bills should realize that losing to two of the best teams in the league is nothing to be ashamed of.
9. Philadelphia Eagles, 4-4 (8): That was a complete team effort ass kicking of the Bills on Sunday. As predicted, the back-to-back embarrassing losses have woken this team up. The question is whether 12-4 will be enough for a first round bye.
8. Kansas City Chiefs, 5-3 (5): Without Mahomes, this team is pedestrian. Probably still good enough to win the AFC West, but they need him back at 100% to win in the playoffs, which is why they shouldn’t rush him back until after their bye. My stance has nothing to do with the fact I could face him in fantasy in week 11.
7. Seattle Seahawks, 6-2 (7): The Seahawks have played two games against teams in the top-half of the rankings and they’re both losses. I don’t even know why I have them ranked this high.
6. Indianapolis Colts, 5-2 (11): The first team to beat the Chiefs this season with a healthy Patrick Mahomes, the Colts find ways to win games. The hallmark of a good, well-coached team.
5. Green Bay Packers, 7-1 (10): Like the Seahawks, the Packers are bolstered by phenomenal play from their franchise quarterback. Rodgers is the king of wowing us with his spectacular play while still finding a way to lose games in the playoffs. Remember, at 9-7 he has the same playoff record as Donovan McNabb, though the self-declared Hall of Famer McNabb is probably impressed.
4. Minnesota Vikings, 6-2 (6): There was a time when the Vikings looked like things were starting to unravel. They’re now a pick ‘em against the Chiefs in Arrowhead. We know that the Vikings will eventually choke...but you’ve got to give them credit while the hot streak lasts.
3. New Orleans Saints, 7-1 (2): Drew Brees is back and the Saints should get Kamara back after their bye week. Some teams complain about injuries. The Saints literally lost two of their top players and just keep winning. Plus, Brees got a chance to rest his arm, which we know looked terrible down the stretch and in the playoffs last year.
2. New England Patriots, 8-0 (1): You can never count Tom Brady and Bill Belichick out, even when their team is virtually giftwrapped an 8-0 start. The best QB that they’ve faced is probably Daniel Jones or Baker Mayfield. What we’ve seen recently is that the defense may be susceptible to an effective running game. The first sign of a chink in the armor? Perhaps, but it’s probably not enough to matter. Unless they seriously falter, homefield advantage in the playoffs is pretty much a done deal.
1. San Francisco 49ers, 7-0 (3): With Emmanuel Sanders joining a group of young, talented receivers, a stable of productive running backs, and George Kittle, this offense has a number of ways to beat you. But forget about the offense and Jimmy G (the “G” stands for giveaway), this defense has the tools to be historically good. They absolutely dismantled a Carolina team that had scored 34+ in 3 of its last 4 games.
